A triumph of no style over no substance

Darling's speech to the 2008 Labour Party Conference.

all words in red are the chancellors own

Firstly, set out the background.
unprecedented economic challenges..uncertain times...huge rises in oil, food and commodity prices...credit crisis..A twin shock to the global economy

Secondly, its not our fault
extraordinary, turbulent times..rocked the financial institutions around the world....Mistakes and problems in the mortgages markets in the United States have spread right across the world.

Thirdly, We have already solved all the problems. Don't panic.
The strength of our economy...historically low levels of inflation and high levels of employment.. stability {repeat as often as needed. Also say families at least 20 times}...We have taken the right long-term decisions for our country

Fourthly, I may have overstated the good bits. here comes some not quite truths.
Bank of England to inject in excess of £100 billion. Essential for our economy, for business, for mortgage payers, for jobs. {well to stop bank collapse at any rate}...we want to improve ways in which credit rating agencies work {suddenly}..We need to look at the culture of huge bonuses which have distorted the way decisions are made...{the public sector is awash with bonuses and incentives and we have embraced them and PFI bonuses as a new religion.. But lets talk only about the city} the Bank of England believes inflation will peak soon. {but the higher energy and fuel and food prices may well be permanent} On energy costs, we've frozen petrol duty this year and increased the Winter Fuel Allowance.{well we never reduced the highest fuel tax in europe, and winter fuel ONLY kicks in if it gets proper cold. } we were the first major economy to ban the speculative practice of short selling to help bring calm back to the markets.{along with the USA, Germany, France, Belgium and Netherlands and Canada, Taiwan and Australia who also make the first claim}

Things we have already announced made out to look like new ideas.
We are also going to put in place measures to give added protection to savers.{£50,000 safety limit promised since run on Northern Rock} This month 22 million people on low and middle incomes will receive a £60 rebate - with an extra £10 each month until April.{The money we took from the 10p tax disaster and promised to give back. Only now its called 'assistance for families'} Help for families through tax credits and increased child benefit. Help for thousands in work through a minimum wage and guaranteed holidays. {saying same things since 1997. Weren't holidays guaranteed before Labour came to power?}
Help in retirement through improved pensions - and, for the first time, every employer required to contribute to their employees pension fund. {I think he means the useless stakeholder pension, introduced in 2001, in which case he said "contribute to "when he meant "make available to" To help with housing, we've brought in a stamp duty holiday.{went down like the Glitter Band's reunion tour}
We're introducing measures to reduce heating bills not just this winter but every winter through energy efficiency.{we will let you have half price lagging if you are 70 years old}

Some out right, bare faced, unashamed mispokes ...
Unemployment rose last week. But we still have near record numbers of people in work.{unemployment is going to rise to near or above 2 million} Inflation is higher than we would like but nowhere near past levels - and should fall soon. {But your energy, fuel and food prices are unlikely to fall much, if at all.} Interest rates are at 5%, not the double figures of two decades ago.{we should have put them up months ago, but that would have really killed Gordon} Make no mistake, discipline in public finances is essential. {The real chancellor said I'm not to cut public expenditure by a penny}

Decisions which allowed us to triple public investment whilst at the same time reducing national debt to one of the lowest levels of any major developed country.{ Must keep straight face, must keep straight face. Remember, the bigger the lie..}

Praise the Boss
we have the right Prime Minister..the right team and the right policies to help the country...A Prime Minister with experience and judgement..we acted decisively to help bring together two of the biggest banks in the country...the experience to make the right long-term decisions.

What he really actually said of note
" I will introduce a new banking reform bill in the Commons in a fortnight."

What on earth would he have said if the big financial meltdown of last week hadn't happened? 10 minutes of bashing Osbourne, 10 minutes of praising PM, 5 minutes on stability, 5 minutes on spin? Let's hope Mr Brown has kept all the real policies for his own speech.