Saturday, 14 June 2008

Weekend Competition: Your Bid for Nuclear Waste !

Tutored no doubt by Sarkozy and his EDF-serving brother, McBrown is going down the French route on nuclear facilities: bribe local communities to roll out the red carpet, with whatever they ask for.

What would your town / village / tower block / stately pile ask for, in return for accommodating several tonnes of glowing, toxic waste ?

Competition: devise a creative bid !

Prizes beyond your wildest dreams !!!

Entries particularly welcomed from Scotton Pinkney.
Have a care, though, you may get more than you bargain for



Tuscan Tony said...

Well, lead crystal glass for me house, plus woven graphite pants, for starters. Woody the dog will be up for it, he relishes the prospect of growing a second tail.

Bill Quango MP said...

Tender for Nuclear [hereforth known as 'non-polluting green energy sourced] facilities.

Dear Prime Minister,

My own Surreysex constituency is uniquely placed to welcome nuclear facilities.

1] We are near major road routes [M25/M20/M23] and rail roads to Waterloo/ london Bridge. Good ports to Europe too. No access or congestion problems at all.

2]We are a very heavily populated part of England, ideal for finding workers.

3]We have a high percentage of immigrants who all show up 100% clean on security checks as they don't register at all.

4]We are near 4 international airports [stanstead, Gatwick, Heathrow and london City] which is great as they always have lots of security so we will not need much.
Also Aeroplanes very rarely crash.

5]We need to depress ever rising house prices to create at least some affordable housing. This would be an ideal solution to that problem. Crawley seems ideal.

In return I ask for only whatever reward the Prime Minister deems just and fair.

Your in expectation,
Lord Bill Quango, Earl of Hampshire and Comte de Rivoli. OBE. KCB.
EU Commissioner for Multi-Quangoism
Member of the European Parliament.

Steven_L said...

Aren't they currently digging a suitably big hole in East London?

Assuming Sarkozy and his countrymen aren't still too narked about losing the olympics in the first place, perhaps we could hurry them up a bit on the delivery side of things and save ourselves a few billion on the games in the process?

If the locals don't like it they can always go back to Chittagong.

Anonymous said...

My fellow councillors and I have agreed that the sink estate on which we live would make the perfect spot for these resources. We do still have a small coterie of spiky green haired "punks" left over from the back end of the 20th century who would not therefore notice any change in their appearance. Our very small price for this offer is 15 5-bedroom bungalows complete with spa and swimming pools somewhere along the Cote d'Azur. Can't say fairer than that. (We'll even drive ourselves there and bring our own energy saving light bulbs).

idle said...

The Comte de Rivoli is hard to beat.

So, keeping it simple:

Idle Towers tariff for toxic waste:

One 2yo thoroughbred in training per 10 kilos for the first 50 kilos.

One mile prime salmon river per 10 kilos for the next 50.

One hectare of Pauillac per kilo thereafter.

Anonymous said...

Actually, I'd rather have a well-run nuclear dump than the small town full of "social housing" that the bastards plan to build behind our garden hedge.

Mike Armitage said...

Pop over Nick - you have an answer!

D x

Anonymous said...

In my part of the world, we have been given a choice:

Take the nuclear waste or we'll build more wind turbines to screw up the view that you moved here for in the first place.

It's "choice", Socialist style...

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