Slicker, Newmania and all the ex-City types (Guido, Tuscan Tony, the Hitch et al), bandy around their esoteric financial jargon, frequently leaving mere mortals clutching at thin air. But help is at hand . . .
It is a little known fact that the Drew was once FSA-registered himself – in his *ahem* Enron days, when some of the more imaginative deals we did were without doubt financial derivatives. While the Slicker’s back is turned I am therefore able to give you this guide to what all those mysterious terms mean . . .
Contango - Mr Newmania dances a nice contango, but you need to buy him a couple of drinks first
Backwardation - After a few more drinks he also goes into backwardation
Hedge Fund - Cash put aside for hiring a gardener: no city type would ever stoop to gardening
Delta-Hedging - The creation of a neat triangular hedge or bush using fine clippers
Forward Curve - I’m sure we’ve all sneaked a look at Theo Spark’s NSFW from time to time
Butterfly Spread - See Theo Spark, ibid
Straddle - Makes you wonder what they get up to, doesn’t it ?
Vanilla Option - Vanilla’s OK - however, the really cool traders choose raspberry
Rainbow Option - I bought one of these once, it was physically settled on the more expensive of butane, propane or naphtha (haha, you didn’t think I knew what I was talking about, did you?)