Wednesday 16 May 2007

City Jargon Explained

Slicker, Newmania and all the ex-City types (Guido, Tuscan Tony, the Hitch et al), bandy around their esoteric financial jargon, frequently leaving mere mortals clutching at thin air. But help is at hand . . .

It is a little known fact that the Drew was once FSA-registered himself – in his *ahem* Enron days, when some of the more imaginative deals we did were without doubt financial derivatives. While the Slicker’s back is turned I am therefore able to give you this guide to what all those mysterious terms mean . . .

Contango - Mr Newmania dances a nice contango, but you need to buy him a couple of drinks first

Backwardation - After a few more drinks he also goes into backwardation

Hedge Fund - Cash put aside for hiring a gardener: no city type would ever stoop to gardening

Delta-Hedging - The creation of a neat triangular hedge or bush using fine clippers

Forward Curve - I’m sure we’ve all sneaked a look at Theo Spark’s NSFW from time to time

Butterfly Spread - See Theo Spark, ibid

Straddle - Makes you wonder what they get up to, doesn’t it ?

Vanilla Option - Vanilla’s OK - however, the really cool traders choose raspberry

Rainbow Option - I bought one of these once, it was physically settled on the more expensive of butane, propane or naphtha (haha, you didn’t think I knew what I was talking about, did you?)


Croydonian said...

And that is before trader slang - Chinese soup, double carpet - and the like.

Anonymous said...

Just go and fetch the starbucks, Mr Drew.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Well, I always wondered what a hedge fund was!

Nick Drew said...

WL - yep, actually pretty meaningless, the way it is bandied around these days

It's just possible the other terms may actually mean something ...

The Hitch said...

Dear Mr Drew
I think most of us suspected that you were "registered" somewhere.

CityUnslicker said...

..and I thought the rainbow option was just the cocktails I have been drinking out here in the Indian ocean.

great stuff Mr Drew, your putting me to shame. Have fun with it.

Newmania said...

I see my spectral presence lingers despite being sent to the galleys.
My brother was more th type though.

Nick Drew said...

Hitch - hmm, Green Slime, Enron, I suppose there is a pattern ... registered, yes but I absconded years ago

Mania - yes, and it is flogging for blogging if you are caught: back to yer oars

Herr Schopenhauer hasn't finished with you yet, either

Anonymous said...

Dead Cat Bounce ?

Nick Drew said...

CU - hope you you're having a great time! (I know I am - when did you say you were coming back ...?)

Ian - nice to hear from another Croydonian, we are set to take over the world

Dead Cat Bounce - sounds like it could be another Mania dance, but no:

it's the effect Gordon Brown's hair stylist is attempting to get with his barnet

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