Friday 9 January 2009

'Bad Country' needed, not 'Bad Bank'

Our great leader, Gordon Brown, has admitted yesterday to thinking about creating a 'Bad bank.' Along the lines of the original US TARP model, this would buy the worthless assets (can you spot the problem with this idea yet?) from UK Banks, which would relieve their balance sheets and so enable them to lend and end the credit crisis.

Genius, ain't it?

However, this is such a good idea that we should think much bigger instead. What the world needs is a bad country that 'buys' all the bad debt from across the globe and so sacrifices itself in order that the rest of the world can emerge quickly from its economic malaise. We should immediately ask the UN to vote on this, as we could do this and end the global recession in a few weeks.

I suggest some countries below, please add more in the comments; You only get 2 sentences to make your case.

Luxembourg - they can't invade us back and are a bunch of tax evading accountants and lawyers.

Israel - if this is a UN vote, then the outcome is a forgone conclusion; as they are brilliant business people and would soon be out of trouble in any event....

Zimbabwe - With hyperinflation at over 2 million percent, the debt would all be reduced to a manageable amount within in a few minutes...

Iceland - They got is into this mess....

Taiwan - St Helena, well it worked for Napoleon.

So who else, did I miss any obvious ones?


Anonymous said...

How about the Vatican City.

"Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."

Anonymous said...

The obvious one to use is broons own constituency.

Bankrupt that, and they'll vote the b*stard out.

Or Scotland, and then a whole den of vipers gets voted out, SNP wins, departs for Europe, leaving UK funds/economy better balanced when UK exits EUSSR.

AntiCitizenOne said...

Gordos' government seems like a bad dream.

Nick Drew said...

North Korea - they have relevant experience, they eat dogs

Old BE said...

Just make the Blair/Brown cabinet members since 1997 personally liable, and force them to work off the debt in a Bangladesh t-shirt factory.

hatfield girl said...

The whole European Union knows who the 'bad country' is. Indeed the whole advanced and advancing capitalist world, including the US.

We live at their whim.

Anonymous said...

It should be the country best placed to cope. Apparently that's the UK.

Bill Quango MP said...

NATO is there already, Russia can drive up and tip toxic assets over the border, as can Pakistan.
Its handy for India too.

Its already a basket case so it won't even notice what the world's done.

Or failing that, how about France.

Steven_L said...

Iraq - in a swap for their oil reserves - because we can.

Anonymous said...

Bill Q

Sorry, wrong.

Many, Many mineral resources in Afghanistan, - - that's why we're fighting, - - so, no toxic waste, but carry on fighting, donating our young and brave.

B*stard politicians!

China will win in Afghanistan anyway.......... but will wait till we're exhausted.

Jon said...

Belgium springs to mind.

Anonymous said...


OldSouth said...

Hmm, this sound familiar! Go borrow many billions, promising it will be used to 'buy bad assets', scare the living daylights out of anyone who dares disagree with visions of financial and social meltdown.

Then, do a 'Paulson'! With the cash in hand, decide without notice not to 'buy the bad assets', but rather, buy stock in the miserably run banks that helped create the 'bad assets'.

Refuse to either account for the money, or to force the recipients to account for it.

Dole some out the auto manufacturers and their unions, with no hope of ever being paid back!

Then dole some more out to other politically preferred industries.

Refuse to either account for the money, or to force the recipients to account for it.

Then, declare that 'the cure' just hasn't been big enough, and demand to borrow or print more, to repeat the treatment.

Refuse to either account for the money, or to force the recipients to account for it.

England, beware!

Learn from our example!

Resist, Resist, Resist!

DorsetDipper said...

Not thinking big enough. We need a bad planet. Possibly Mercury. But not Mars - we may need to borrow off the Martians to reflate the world economy.

Steven_L said...

"... we may need to borrow off the Martians to reflate the world economy." (DD)

We'd never be able to convince the FX traders that the martians existed (would we?).

Seriously, what they should have done 18 months ago was set up a 'bad debt collections agency' to be paid for by the taxpayer then let all the bust banks go bust.

I'd bet by now there'd probably be plenty of twenty-something investment bankers who shoved their bonuses up their noses prepared to sit in a call centre for £7 an hour making sure the folk they sold the CDO's to get paid back.

Then we could have had a 'bad banks current accounts administration agency' to make sure that peoples salaries could continue to be paid in and dispensed whilst the administrators sorted out the rest of it.

What's the most this would have cost us?

banned said...

We were told in advance of the bank bail out that Capitalism would collapse if the banks failed and thus stopped extending credit to individuals and companies.

So ?

patently said...

The French.

Just to see the look on their faces when we tell them.

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