Thursday 19 May 2011

Question Time quiz

The relaunch of the new season.

David Dimbleby is joined in a special programme from Wormwood Scrubs Prison by

Ken Clarke,{oh dear..oh dear, oh dear.}
Jack Straw,{former Labour Home Sec and shadow Justice minister.Currently polishing his left boot ready to administer a kicking.}
Melanie Phillips { Oh no..not her.. .}
and Shami Chakrabarti {achieving the award for most appearances on a QT panel in a single season.} Don't know who the Lib Dem will be. Huhne? Laws? Give them a chance to check out the facilities..?

This weeks clues are provided by Budgie.
Budgie said...
1. Huhne: Thatcher was driving, Huhne innocent because he is green?
2. Old lady (not Thatcher) visits horses on island off English coast - is this a record?
3. Rail tickets to be more expensive, service worse, more strikes, Thatcher privatisation to blame?
4. IMF: SK 'haunted by Thatcher' Gordon Brown to take over?

5. Rapegate: Ken 'haunted by Thatcher' - Huhne to take over Justice portfolio?

The leaders

GSD - 4
Measured - 3.5

Miss S-J - 3
Botogol -3
Philipa -2.5
Amy -2.5
Hatfield Girl -2.5
Mark Wadsworth -2
Blue Eyes -2
Bill Quango MP -2
Dick the Prick -2
Budgie -1
City Unslicker -1
Miss CD -1
Malcolm Tucker -1
Appointmetotheboard - 1
Nick Drew -1
Timbo614 - 1
Lilith - 1 {as she had great qs last week. Where is she?}


CityUnslicker said...

1. Clarke should be raped to see what it feels like...
2. Superinjunctions - evil tory idea somehow or other.
3. What a Hoon Hunhe is.
4. Afghanistan troop withdrawl vs troop cuts - excuse to get the words evil tory cuts in a few times.
5. Queen visits Ireland, Zimbabwe to come.

Mark Wadsworth said...

Small child to Dad watching Queen do a waving session in Ireland:

"Dad! Look! It's the old lady from the bank notes they sent us! Has she come to ask for them back?"

Botogol said...

(Shami Chakrabarti - I'll not have a word said against her!)

Anyway back under starter's orders, good luck to everyone else..

- what type of rape is it If a VIP Guest in a luxury hotel attacks a chambermaid? that 'serious' rape, 'classic' rape or some other class of rape?

- in this day and age should we still have bishops in the house of Lords? Have the Liberals now completely lost touch?

- after a completely unambiguous european court ruling, why is the government ignoring the law and still dragging its feet over votes for prisoners?

- isn't it humilating to make the queen travel around Ireland apologising all over the place

- is it morally wrong to run prisons for profit?

(bonus point if any panellist uses prison jargon in an attempt to get down with the inmates..)

Amy said...

1. Amongst other handicaps, is Gordon Brown too European to head the IMF?

2. Which prisoners should be given the vote?

3. To what extent should the personal morals of those in the public eye be protected from public scrutiny?

4. Who should go first; Clarke or Huhne?

GSD said...

Hi all. Since its from prison today, my guesses are all about crime & punishment (probably a HUGE mistake!):

1) Do we have a two-tier justice system where the rich/privileged can do as they please? (super-injunctions, mp's expenses etc).

2) will the austerity measures lead to an increase in crime?

3) Will KC's proposed reform of sentencing work?

4) Prisoner voting - who cares?

5) Rapegate & DSK - what were they thinking?

And finally the prisoners give a round of applause for the measures being taken to totally demoralize the police service.

Old BE said...

"Huhne to take over Justice portfolio?"


"1. Clarke should be raped to see what it feels like..."

That would be the first time anyone has ever felt sorry for a rapist...

OK my questions:

1. Does prison work?
2. Why doesn't prison work?
3. Is prison too good for the politicians?
4. Is Ken Clarke going to defend DSK in court?

appointmetotheboard said...


If you are interested, article in NYT

Private prisons found to offer little in savings

Bill Quango MP said...

So many possible questions. And the prison thing may really cause problems.

1. Ken the con's friend . When is a rape not a rape? tough one for Chakri. Keen to have minimum sentencing, but has to square that with the violation of women.

2. Police officers salary. Boo to the Home Sec. {Papers made a big deal out of this, but didn't Jacqui get a lousy reception too? Hasn't every home sec for about five years now?}

3. Should Mps like Huhne and Laws and former head of the IMF be in prison?
Is Gordon the man for he job?

4. The military covenant. If soldiers can get guaranteed rights, what about prison officers?

5.Foreign aid. Ring fenced in law. Why is Cameron insistent on giving tax payers money to Osama's landlords?
Is he a bit simple?

Miss CD said...

1. Ken Clarke: Why won't you say you're sorry. You'll never get on women's hour again until you do.

2. David Laws. 7 days for a 100k fiddle? Is there one rule for us..etc.

3.Huhne. Has he committed a crime? If he has, is it worse because he's a cabinet minister?

4.If the panel tried to rape a chambermaid in New York, what should the sentence be?

5. Queen's visit. Was the partial apology too much, considering the atrocities of both sides.

Malcolm Tucker said...

1 Rape is not always rape. Can Ken explain himself better this time?

2 Dominique Strauss-Khan is in a suicide smock in an evil smelling sink hole prison. Should he be given an Xbox?

3. Stephen Lawrence case reopened. Have the police finally managed to shed their institutional racism?

4. Fred's super-injunction. Should we be told and should he be in prison?

5. Queen's visit to Ireland. Was it a success?

Dick the Prick said...

Howdy QTers and jolly good luck to everyone.

1) Rape, plea bargains with a possible amalgamation with 1.5) DSK

2) Universal Shami on Sooper Injunctivitus and transgender studies...err...

3) Israel/Mid East/Libya to allow Mad Mel to call Cameron a complete ejeet plus the Obamessiah's waffle which got crowded out by the Simpsons

4) IMF as a seperate issue perhaps

5) - A freaky one but considering location maybe hark back to votes for scrotes.

Hurray, etc etc. I shall now proceed to get quite drunk.

Philipa said...

1. Rape.

2. Can you feed a family on £50 if you do not use expensive items like Olive Oil but instead use oil made from Rape?

3. Should powerful men be allowed to pay to avoid the consequences of their actions such as RAPE!?

4. Is the invitation to fess-up on charges such as rape and invitation to lie or an invitation commit the same crime sooner?

5. Do ministers not know the law and make an arse or themselves by displaying that, or are ministers simply a bunch of arseholes who happily blame the victim in so much more than crimes such as rape?

Did I mention rape? Think there'll be some definitions going on and lots of arse kicking? One can only hope...

appointmetotheboard said...

Shame last week didn't count. By my reckoning I got off to a Glencore-style flyer, picking up a barely credible 10 points out of 5.

Alas, I fear it will be back to HMV-style normal this week.

1. Is DSK (allegedy) a good rapist or a bad one?

2. Should the criminal class vote for police-hating tories with their soft on crime and hug a hoodie policies?

3. Who wants to be cellmates with Huhne or Laws?

4. Should (could) the BBC play it totally safe and just not mention or report on football at all? With the form Ken has been in lately, I tip him to accidently let slip who Fred Goodwin has been sleeping with.

5. Continuing the recent trend of constitutional questions no-one is really interested in when there could be questions about queenie's trip to Ireland, military covenant and/or forrin aid: when will prisoners get to vote for members of the "Senate"?

Bonus point if the suddenly and conveniently indisposed Ken Clarke is replaced with a misogynist - say, Michael Winner.

Good luck everybody.

Nick Drew said...

1. 'Spike', inmate #191 to ask: why don't you bang 'em up for even longer? Clarke, you soft b*****d? I had a rapist in the back of my cell once ...'

2. What hope for Obama's new Middle East peace talks ?

3. Should Huhne step down while under investigation for a Criminal Offence ?

4. Should the Queen's visit have closed a chapter in history? or do we have to carry on paying for Ireland?

5. Are the French just ... different to us ?

Miss S-J said...

Ok, lets play.

1. Rape. Did Victoria Derbyshire {Sony award winner} do the public a service by exposing crusty old Ken as an unreformed old Victorian type uncaring Tory or did she just keep talking over him so he couldn't explain himself properly?

2. Ken Clarke's justice bill. Soft on crime, soft on the causes of crime.

3. Copulation on the office shredder. Now Lords just call out names are super-dooper injunctions just expensive twitter feeds?

4. David Laws. Has to be. He allegedly took cash by deception and got suspended from work for 7 days. Who here in the Scrubs would like to be sentenced by the standards and privileges committee?

5. Could be any number of things. West Ham,Ali Dezaei, Queen's trip but I'll go for Police Chiefs sit on their hands for the Home Secretary.

Philipa said...

I think Miss S-J should get a special mench for her question:

"Who here in the Scrubs would like to be sentenced by the standards and privileges committee?"

Timbo614 said...

'Evening all, so many possibilities.

1) Are there two types of rape nice rape and nasty rape?

2) Are there two types of laws, laws for head-of-international-financial bodies and laws for the rest of us?

3) Would any of the panel like to swap places with a prisoner to help them decide if prison works?

4) Should the emissions/carbon target be set into law? if yes who joins us in here when it is missed?

5) Should the police budget cuts go ahead? If so will it be less crowded in the prisons?

appointmetotheboard said...

I'll second Phillipa on that one. Regardless of the score, Miss S-J has the winning entry for Q4 :D

hatfield girl said...

I've never met anyone who has been to prison so I can't think what the audience will want to know.

Rape, I suppose.

Votes for prisoners.

Who cares when Greece goes bankrupt, it should have done it ages ago.

But not Ireland because we won't allow that, not when the Queen has just put in such a sterling performance.

measured said...

Rape? Nah, it's just sex without consent. :-O

Here we go:

1. Sentencing guidelines What is the use of banging us up at your expense if you're not going to rehabilitate us and cut budgets?

2. How can we talk about serious crimes if you don't take them seriously? There's serious and very serious. Eh? OK, if it passes a 'threshold' it is serious. It is rape. It can then be deemed more serious. Er? Well, it is seriously about whether she agreed or not but how seriously did she know him? Hang on. How can we have a serious conversation about this now, Ken?

3. Some crimes are worse than others but Huhne, Laws and Fred? Huh? One rule for the rich and one rule for the rest of us. Why should they be allowed to get away with things? Especially Laws. Rule of Law. Accountability. ::[Go Shami Go]:: Perhaps the US has got it right on DSK.

3. Human rights. ECHR. Prisoners' rights. Should they be allowed to vote? Shall we compare them to the chap in Bagram or Gitmo?

4. Was Queen E II right to set foot in Ireland? (Has she gone down a bomb over there? ::[cringe]::)

5. Some totally obscure point about new legislation going through that needs redrafting. NHS/ Criminal Act/ Police/ could be tied in with H of L reform.

Mark Wadsworth said...

1. "Can I just say hi to my girlfriend Tracy? Tell her I didn't mean to hit her so hard."

2. "Can I just ask the panel if the stuff is hidden at Tony's, yeah Big Tony's?"

3. "Can I have a free pardon?"

4. "Oi! Ken you fat b-stard, where's my x-Box?"

5. "Does any member of the panel know that PO Brown, yeah him over there in the corner, smuggles drugs in here in his underpants?"

Bill Quango MP said...

1. Was the Justice sec wrong or clumsy. Quite a decent way of putting his rape gaffe. Shami seems a bit nervous. Worried about something? She does, kind of, agree with Ken. For some reason I thought the audience would be only prisoners and Prison officers.

Jack thinks he would have had to resign if it had been him. Really? I doubt it. Straw also thinks the 50% sentence time off
is wrong and he's probably right.

Melanie is not in agreement. I think she wants hanging bought back. Mostly for Ken Clarke.

Prison officer makes a speech without relevance and also without interruption from Dimby.
He's softer than Ken Clarke's sentencing guidelines.

Q2. Does prison work.
Its going to be one of those shows then. Very surprising defence of Ken and attack on opportune Miliband.Gets huge applause.
JS talks. I like him. He always seemed competent. Devious, but competent. He still claims crime has fallen 40%. I doubt it.

3. overseas aid ringfencing. Mel bubbles with fury. Not really. Shes as icy as ever. She calls for FA to be scrapped.Lefties cry out in horror at this 'cut'.
KC is keen on it.

Bill Quango MP said...

Q4. Denying prisoners the vote. ECHR. Old news.
Still it lets Shami go out on a banner waving high.

Excellent guesses from everyone.

Budgie - 1

CU - 1

MW- There's at least 2 good jokes in all them. - 2

Botogol - called it right.- 3 .{I'll leave you to your dreams of Shami and her 1993 Gabrielle hairdo.}

Amy - welcome. 1 for votes, 1 for Ken to resign and .5 for getting the number of questions right - 2.5

GSD. - Incredible - 4.

Blue Eyes - 1 + .5 and .5 for 4 q's - 2

BQ - 2

Miss CD - 1

Dick the Prick -2 {saved yourself with the votes one}

Philipa - 2 +.5 for getting Rape a mention in cooking. -2.5

Malcolm Tucker - 1 {though the Lawrence was a good punt} - 1

appointmetotheboard - 1
{I see one of your board nominations is city slicker. Its not CU is it?} - I make that just 1. the constitutional question was voting. - 1

Nick Drew - also fell for the 'real' question time deceit. - 1

Miss S-J - 2 + 1 by popular vote for your S&P committee comment.-3

Timbo614 - just 1

Hatfield Girl -2 +.5 for qs = 2.5

Measured - 3 good ones and your Q5 is so wide ranging it shouldn't count. But 'going through legislation now' came up at least 3 times so 3.5

GSD said...

Incredible is right - the only time this engineer is ever going to get anywhere near the top slot! Never mind, next week I'll be back on normal form - trailing the pack!

measured said...

It was an evening to be crafty, Governor. Can I get to choose who to send down? I'd nominate Fred The Shred for the abuse of RBS's balance sheet. It amounted to rape; eight years, Your Honour.

Thanks, BQ.

Mark Wadsworth said...

Yay! Thanks for generous marking!

I just couldn't bear the agony of trying to double-guess some question like "Is it right that Arnold gets off scot free but Strauss Kahn is banged up and what would their sentences have been under your new rape leniency program, Mr Clarke?"

appointmetotheboard said...

Heh. BQ, I don't believe that CU is a current candidate for the CEO of RedStar Bank. But I welcome applications from everyone who thinks they are up to the job :D

Timbo614 said...

I'm going back to my long, multi subject question tactic! @MW ("Yay!" is a good example...