Not content this weekend with a single new policy announcement, something to do with payday loans all being a bit mean and should that they should have restricted advertising, Ed Milliband is going to announce his most revolutionary change yet; and it has been exclusively leaked to C@W from the Labour press office ahead of its announcement at 4pm tomorrow.
Not content with the just the policy announcements of recent weeks that will see energy prices frozen and wages rise for all under a Milliband Administration, tomorrow sees the most ambitious statement of intent yet from the Labour leader:
"If the British people choose a Labour Government at the next election, then the Government that I lead will see to it that rain is banned. Not all rain to start with, but certainly between 4pm and 5pm on Tuesdays. We need more happiness in the Country for our poor people who have had a miserable time under this Coalition. Everyone has been suffering for decades under a capitalist, laissez-faire, market-based approach to our national Weather management. Even if it is only for one hour a week to start with, before we can raise the taxes on bankers enough to expand the hours offered, people will be able to make special plans and the most of Tuesday afternoons. Our children will get to play in the parks, dogs walked.The increase in revenues from shopping alone will more than cover the costs of the thousands of chemical artillery rounds that will be used to break up the clouds. The jobs created in the munitions factories will also be beneficial to the economy and we have estimated that the net boost of this policy will be £3 billion a year.
However, only the most deserving postcodes will benefit and rich, low-rain zones such as Surrey, Chelsea and Kent will not benefit from the new policy (Westminster will be an exception). This will be a targeted, progressive measure. The jobs created in the munitions factories will also be beneficial to the economy and we have estimated that the net boost of this policy will be £3 billion a year. Soon after its successful implementation we will look to expand the policy to bring through even more social cohesiveness and economic benefits.
For so long this Coalition has denied poorer people the right even to a dry afternoon, even when the power is in its hands and it has been proven a net economic gain; clearly their anti-poor political stance has been at the forefront of their minds to lead to such a dereliction of duty. My administration will be of an altogether different and progressive mindset"
How will the Government possibly challenge such an audacious bid. I understand that focus-group polling by the Labour party has seen 100% of responders confirm that they are not very keen or even don't like rain and are very supportive of a policy which reduces rain. we can only await the Government response, but with nearly two years until and election, perhaps the Government has time to form its own policy and perhaps even go the whole hog and ban rain altogether?