Saturday, 13 May 2017

Party Boat Captain Jailed

The captain of the Uncosted Cornucopia has gone to jail after he crashed onto the rocks, destroying his party.
Image result for costa concordia

Captain Jeremy Corbyn had repeatedly ignored warnings from his officers that he was heading for disaster.
Image result for titanic captain corbyn

Witnesses on social media said that it appeared Captain Corbyn lost control of the party around 2016. The vessel began plotting a very erratic course since before even then. It had reportedly been going round and round in circles since 2010.

The boat had built up significant Momentum before it suddenly veered very sharply to the left, striking a well charted hard reality that tore a massive hole in its financial calculations, and the party boat capsised.

93 Labour MPs were lost in the accident that occurred in the very early hours of 9th June 2017.

At the court one of the bridge officers on that day, who managed to escape the sinking hulk, told us that the party cruise line had no proper safeguards in place to prevent a maniac taking the helm.
 It also emerged at the trial that contrary to media reports at the time, Captain Corbyn did not abandon the ship. In fact he had been shouting that he would chain himself to the mast, directing the rescue operations.
 But survivors bundled the confused Captain into a lifeboat and lowered him into the sea. All attempts by him to get back on board were fiercely resisted.

 "Its inconceivable that basic political control structures were so incredibly lax and compromised that a person with almost no suitability or training could just take command. It was a happening waiting to become an accident."


Electro-Kevin said...

Below decks Diner A-butt had moved further leftwards causing the whole thing to list catastrophically.

andrew said...

This is a time when those a bit on the right need to be a little more tactful.

Ask yourself why education is free to only 18 and not forever.
What is it with degrees or other such post school qualifications that make them less socially valuable than a levels?

For an average opposition the may government should have been a rabbit in the headlights of the cons incompetence and some popular policies.

But it isn't and this is the time we sow the seeds of our downfall though stupidity.

Sebastian Weetabix said...

I've been in China the last couple of weeks. Notionally a Communist country, of course. What do they have there?
No free health care
Free elementary schooling up to 12 then you pay
No free state pension (there are occupational ones)
Income Tax is 15%

They have some fairly robust popular attitudes too. e.g. If you don't work, you don't eat... if you commit murder you should be executed... drug dealers should be executed... rapists ditto. Very strong border checks too, with no thought of multiculturalism. All these are completely non-controversial and very widely supported.

Given McDonnell's & Corbyn's raving enthusiasm for Red China I can't help why that stuff isn't in their manifesto. I might vote for that kind of Labour Party.

James Higham said...

Going for the record margin, do we have any takers for 388?

Roderick said...

To Sebastian Weetabix,

Unlike the UK the Chinese have not nationalised childrearing either. The extended family in China is responsible for a lot of things that we seem to depend on the state to provide, such as childcare and care for the elderly. And despite paying superficially low wages, Chinese factories typically provide free dormitory accommodation, canteen meals, staff outings and suchlike for their workers, leaving the workers' net disposable income at a higher level than many of their peers in the west. 'Pragmatic' communism as practised in China actually seems to work - unlike pie-in-the-sky Corbynism.

andrew said...


Betfair prices
370.5+ at 1.2:1
399.5+ at 2.06:1

(I was in - belatedly - at 1.55 and 2.60)

Probably closing out the 399+ position before the manifesto is published

CityUnslicker said...

Corbyn's communism is modelled on Star Trek - a happy clappy multi-culti society that effortlessly has everything.

However, there is a reason it is called Science Fiction.

Bill Quango MP said...

He's certainly going to try and Klingon.

Anonymous said...

A lot of the Labour manifesto plays well with the public - people are fed up with crap public transport (Northern keep increasing prices, services keep being lamentably shit), higher energy bills and the constant stream of bad news from the public sector.

Now all of these issues are as much government as they are the private sector, however it's not Labour getting hit with the problems. The Tories are lucky they've got May as leader, and even luckier that Labour have that dinosaurial buffoon as leader, otherwise things could get sticky.

If Labour keep these policies and replace the charmless garden gnome with someone with a bit of moxie, the Tories (and the nations finances) are going to start finding themselves in trouble.

I suggest the Tories take a good look after the election at fixing a few things, however the list I'd give would likely outstrip the length of the blog post itself!

Bill Quango MP said...

There's probably a post election piece in that, final anon comment.
Theresa May is going for a super win. She doesn't need too. She would win even is she didn't campaign or promise anything at all.

No political party could resist the huge cushion they could build in this particular election.

on here we have in the passed elections. This 2017 is a 1983 question.

May has an awful lot on her plate after June. More than she can possibly deal with, even if no additional crisis appeared before 2022.
She insists on adding to her plate. Piling more and more on in the belief that this very moment time is the chance to fragment labour into at least two parties and so usher in conservative rule for twenty years.

Time will tell is she was right. Over promising and under delivering could reduce the Labour succession wars time considerably.

Anonymous said...

Sebastian - I believe that women having children while unmarried, far from being given a flat and benefits, are fined several years wages. As a result the number of bastards born in China is on a par with Britain in the 1950s (the golden age that never existed, if our sociologists are to be believed).

"The government imposes stringent penalties on the very few unmarried women brave enough to have children. Giving birth requires permission from family-planning authorities. They will not give it without proof of marriage. Violators usually have to pay the equivalent of several years’ working-class income. Then there is the problem of registering the child. Until last month it was impossible for many of those born in violation of family-planning rules to get identity papers. Now it is easier, as long as both parents can prove they are related to the child. But a mother who does not know who the baby’s father is, or who cannot convince the father to submit to a DNA test, is out of luck. The child cannot be registered. Hence it cannot obtain other vital documents such as an identity card (essential, not least, for travel on long-distance transport)."

Charlie said...

And this article perfectly explains why the left will never understand why everyone thinks they're a joke: