Saturday 4 August 2018

Macron to May: "Be My Guest !"

So Mrs May has ventured into Château Macron.  I think we know what she walked into ... (with apologies to Disney)

*   *   *   *   *

Ma chère Thérèse, it is with the greatest pleasure that we welcome you tonight. And now we invite you to sit up straight, listen carefully, just have a little look at this document you’re going to sign … as the federasts proudly present – your stuffing!

Be my guest, Manu’s guest 
Put our *friendship* to the test 
Tie this noose around your neck, cherie, and dance at our behest 
40 billion? Not enough! 
Why, we only live to stuff 
Read clause 20, it’s a stonker 
Don't believe me? Ask old Juncker!
Market access? - not a chance 
After all, Miss, this is France 
And it’s preordained you’ll come off second best 
Go on - unfold your menu 
Just take a glance and then you'll 
Be depressed – suicidally depressed
On the floor, as you kneel, 
Start to beg, start to squeal 
We'll prepare and serve with flair 
An horrific exit deal 
You're alone, and you're scared 
But your fate is all prepared 
That is Selmayr you hear laughing 
As he contemplates your shafting
We tell jokes, slap our thighs 
We can scarce believe our eyes 
As we watch you in your Whitehall vipers’ nest 
You will have to bend right over 
If we’re not to blockade Dover - 
Just do what Olly tells you, he knows best!
We all guessed your request 
Would leave Europe unimpressed 
From Madrid to Rome and Paris, 
From Berlin to Budapest -
“She’ll want trade, she’ll want terms 
But it’s just a can of worms” 
While we’re giving her a shoeing 
Back in Britain trouble’s brewing
Getting warm, getting hot 
Heaven's sakes! She’s in a spot - 
Much more, she’ll have a cardiac arrest!
We've still got a lot to do,
In the coming day or two 
She’s hard-pressed, she’s distressed
Her red lines are just a jest -
She’s my guest, she's my guest, she's my guest!
Be my guest, be my guest! 
Were you hoping for beau geste? 
When you meekly signed the Hinkley deal 
You’d clearly failed the test 
You’d no cool, you’d no verve 
You had plainly lost your nerve 
Martin’s really just a sweetie - 
Let him help you with this treaty
Clause by clause, one by one 
'Til you shout, “Enough, I'm done” 
But there’ll be no ducking out, or break for rest 
Only after you’ve been beat up 
Will we let you put your feet up 
Don’t protest - be my guest, be my guest!

ND                                                                                        ©  2018


Electro-Kevin said...

Excellent. Very quick off the press.

So who gets to see the minutes of this... guest visit. Who signs them off ?

Treachery, isn't it ?

Bill Quango MP said...

Just superb.
A triumph.

Anonymous said...

Surely you can make a vid?

E-K said...

Watching May has been utterly frustrating. I told you she was going to wreck Brexit. Farage predicts an A50 suspension.

Nick Drew said...

for my money, Kev, you've been the most consistently correct of any of us who comment here

have a free subscription!

andrew said...

Gauging just how much Brexit is worth (which basically equates to control over immigration*) to the mass of the uk is interesting.

To a remainer (Carney), less than nothing
To a brexiter (Farage), a significant part of his life
To an unprincipled toad (BJ), a rung in his career ladder

To the mass of the UK I have no good understanding.
No I do not want another referendum.

My best guess is a 'no deal deal'. i.e. in a couple of months we agree to no deal and then gain a 2 year extension to negotiate within the framework of a WTO agreement.
Which includes a hard irish border, otherwise we do not get control over immigration(*).