You cannot hope to bribe or square
Thank God ! the British villager
But seeing what the man will suffer
Unbribed, you can ignore the duffer !
Doubtless it was a under a misapprehension of this sort that Gordon Brown had hoped to dump his nuclear waste at low cost. But no: we demand payola ! And some creativity with it.
First prize: 100 kilos of the green stuff to . . . Idle !
(what - you were hoping for a racehorse ?)
Second: 200 kilos to . . . Grumpy Granny !
(you won't need lightbulbs, energy-saving or otherwise, after you get your hands on this lot !)
And third: 300 big ones to . . . Tuscan Tony !
(hope it cures the olive blight !)
Referred to the Parliamentary Standards Commissioner . . .
Bill Quango MP (corruption is a nasty word !)
Keep those bids coming - there's more where this came from.