Sunday, 21 September 2008

J.K. Rowling donates £1 million AND begins new series of novels


JK Rollo has written a special book to celebrate the wonders of the Labour government years.


Barry Trotter and the Exciseman's Chamber.


Barry Trotter, who comes from a poor part of town, lives just outside the catchment area for the posh Hogwerts. Not exactly an orphan, more a sort of abandoned child he has these endearing specs, but as he can't find an NHS dentist, so he also has wonderfully rotten teeth.
Instead of Hogwert's he goes to the local wizards authority school."The Bernie Ecclestone Foundation Academy for Inner City Wizards"

He achieves all his Magi- SAT passes and attains 95% passes in all his GCSE exams, despite being stabbed.
Unfortunately he is still completely unable to perform any magic except the spells required for the test, but he is fully aware of 'other muggle ' cultures and has an understanding of equality and gender issues in the Dark Realm. He also catches an unfortunate STD from Hermethaley.
However within school Barry is drawn to the central character of "The Exciseman."
The Exciseman shows Barry how to raise taxes stealthily, pick the pockets of the pensioners, creep back the tax thresholds and magically declare "An end to the mighty Boom! And ye, the Mightier Busting"

Barry becomes a powerful acolyte for his master and the protege eventually learns "The Dark Arts" for himself.

Towards the end of the first book the Grand Exciseman's powers are waning and some tragi-comic disasters occur such as when he tries to lock up the council for 42 days and when he turns the kingdom's gold reserves into thin air.

The Alchemy Crunch has occurred, caused by all the Hogwerts boys turning base metal into gold, and now everything is worthless.
The faithful have lost heart and are even calling in the streets of Manchester to "Bring back DumBlairdore."
It is here that the Exciseman explains to Barry about the power of the Grand Council of Wizards of Brussels and Barry's role in shaping the future of the realm and the rewards he will inherit if he will just stand firm with his master. Barry pledges his loyalty openly, but behind the scenes his friends are urging him to fulfill the Prophecy of the Half-Snubbed Prince...

The Author wishes to make clear that all characters and events are fictional and any resemblance to Ed Balls is entirely coincidental

11 comments:

Unsworth said...

Just because this vacuous bint can write and make bundles from popular fiction does not mean that she has any political understanding or commonsense.

Time and again we see 'successes' in one field believing that they are equally capable in other areas - witness one G. Brown. Although I'm struggling to find a field that he has been successful in, except for the game of working his way up the greasy pole of party politics, of course.

Bill Quango MP said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
CharonQC said...

Excellent.... enjoyed the ody..... needed a laugh this pm!

SACKERSON said...

She's got £500 million+; given how she feels, why doesn't she give New Labour £100 million and buy the next election?

patently said...

Excellent, Bill!

I'm sure this actually reveals Gordon's last hope - that just as the backbench rebels close in, just as Lord Milli... err .. Voldemort arives for the kill, good old Dumbledore will appear and save Gordon's skin.

Newmania said...

Great stuff although I suspect you have incurred the wrath of the unspeakable one . Lord Gordemort....

Anonymous said...

What was it the man said about a fool and his (or, in this case, her) money?

Letters From A Tory said...

Good point from Sackerson, couldn't she bankroll the party for quite a while and nudge the unions out of the way? Could get messy!

Roald Dahl wasn't a socialist said...

If she wanted to help child poverty, giving money to a bankrupt political party is not exactly the smartest thing to do. She could have given it to a children's charity direct but instead wants to help her friend Gordon. Fuck me that's the last time i buy one of her books.

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