Friday 3 October 2008

Newcastle United appoints another new manager












Troubled Newcastle chairman Gordon Ashley has taken an astonishing step today to try and reverse the poor fortunes of the club by announcing Peter Mandelson as the new manager.



Mandelson, a former favourite at the club is a surprising choice. Despite being widely supported by the fans he has been a divisive figure at the club. He has quit Newcastle Brown twice before over work pressures and some conflicts of interests and difficulties working with other departments.



As famous for his facial hair styles and fashions as he was for his skills in his early Millbank career he remains a revered figure at Labour HQ. In a move that caught many by surprise fans chanted his name "Mandy,Mandy".. "He's the Messiah. He will bring the success this party needs."



Many remember his famous outburst on national TV when he publicly backed Tony Blair against Gordon Ashley to take over from Freddie Shepard. "I'd love it if Tony beat him!Love it!"
But it appears the old rifts are healed.



Gordon Ashley read out a statement at the training ground at 10am this morning.
"I don't care what people say. He is the right man for the job. As am I. Peter has already had ideas about the stadium. He thinks some sort of Dome structure would be in order. I have already lent him an unspecified sum to purchase a flat locally and he is asking local businessman about work permit and passport arrangements for some new South American players he is going to sign up"




Asked about how he would improve things Mr Mandelson said "Newcastle Brown are currently 20th in the Premiership and 35 points behind the leaders. But I have Inner Steel and I'm appointing the forgotten Margaret Kinnear as Assistant manager. I am a fighter, not a quitter!"




Breaking News++ Mandelson resigns as Newcastle Brown manager++Sky Sports News++ Breaking News++Breaking News++ Mandelson resigns as Newcastle Brown manager+News++

6 comments:

Newmania said...

Oh very very clever.He is "Intensely relaxed about people getting filthy rich " you know and "looking forward to the post democratic age "

For a good laugh have a look at Bob Pipers blog and see a good old Labour slogger desperately trying to find a good word to say about him.Quite endearing really

Nick Drew said...

hat-tip, Mr M - a chuckle to be had chez Piper

Anonymous said...

But, but, but, he supports Stoke City because they play in the Britannia Stadium. Boom, boom!

Anonymous said...

...meanwhile, Newcastle fans have moved all their money across to Naill Quinn's outfit and the rest of the country is reported to be as sick as a parrot.

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