Wednesday 4 March 2009

Fred's Pension: Bernard Cribbins Takes Up the Story

Those who are *ahem* old enough to remember, know that the great Bernard Cribbins sang of Fred's travails a good while ago. Nothing changes.

Right said Fred, gonna have to sack me

There’s no way I’ll volunteer to go.

Tried horse-trading, threatening and persuading

He was going nowhere

And so – we - had a cup of tea

Oh right said Fred, give a shout to Myners

Just tell Darling I refuse to go.

After cursing, shouting and coercing

He was going nowhere

And so – we - had a cup of tea

Now Myners had a think and he said look Fred

The Cabinet are wankers

If you can square the bankers

You can name your price, we’ll be finished in a trice

Oh right said Fred, bung me 30 million

Just sign here, I’ll get me coat and go.

Pandemonium ! insult and opprobrium

Landed on the top of his dome !

So Myners and me had another cup of tea

And then we went home

I said to Myners, we'll just have to hope it all dies down, that's all. Now the trouble with Gordon is, he's ... he's too hasty. You never get nowhere if you're too hasty ...



Dungeekin said...

Nice one. I had a crack at it as well, but I think you've got me beaten.



Anonymous said...

Excellent, Now, how about The Hole in the Ground?
(Big and sort of round it was....)

Anonymous said...

Absolutely excellent!

Nick Drew said...

thanks, folks

Dungeekin, what a gentlemanly place the interweb is, to be sure !

you beat me to the punch, sir, and I'm sorry if i trod on your toes

Anonymous said...

Better by far than the original.

Jon said...

Excellente, Senor Drew, up to your usual standard or even more betterer, I should hazard.

Dungeekin said...

No apology needed, Nick!

Excellent work - now have a crack at Flanders and Swann.


(Still working on 'Hole in the Ground' though).


Electro-Kevin said...

Thanks for the Dalek comment on my blog, BQ.

I can't respond there as it will spoil the effect. Rest assured it raised a chuckle.

Anonymous said...


The soldiers* may be fighting
in the trenches or a battleship at sea
But there's never any war when the clock strike four
Everything stops for tea.

(As sung by the Temperance Seven of roughly the same vintage).