Friday, 10 July 2009

How well do you score on the new UK citizenship test.



PATENTLY has put up a link to the Official practice citizenship test


C@W have another one



Your citizenship test starts now


A} Who holds the record for the most appearances in Eastenders

  1. Ian Beale
  2. Pat Butcher
  3. Lofty
  4. Mark Fowler

B} Which tube line is generally regarded as the worst

  1. District
  2. Bakerloo
  3. Northern
  4. Central

C} Where does the English Assembly meet

  1. York
  2. Leeds
  3. Swindon
  4. Nowhere

D} If you need to report a crime what should you do

  1. Dial 999
  2. Dial 0847 number for out of hours police service
  3. Write to your MP
  4. Visit the appropriate police post on the days when it is open

E} If you believe you have swine Flu you should

  1. Call NHS direct
  2. Stay at home and do nothing
  3. Phone the newspapers
  4. Visit doctor to obtain Tamiflu

F} To get your child into one of the best schools you should

  1. Live within the catchment area, have siblings at the school already, have special needs.
  2. Pretend to live in the catchment area
  3. Child has an excellent record of academic and social achievement
  4. Study hard, take out a loan, get a PhD, work long hours in the city, marry similar,take out giant mortgage, put children into private education.

G} Who won Britain’s got talent in 2009

  1. Paul Potts
  2. Susan Boyle
  3. Diversity
  4. Gordon Brown

H} Britain went to war with Iraq in 2003 for which of the following reasons

  1. To prevent Al Qaeda operating there
  2. To topple an evil dictator
  3. To prevent weapons of mass destruction being used against the UK
  4. No real reason

I} A British train is considered LATE if it is delayed in excess of

  1. 2 minutes
  2. 15 minutes
  3. 10 minutes
  4. 25 minutes

J} The ruling party {Labour} controls how many of the 34 county councils in England

  1. 0
  2. 26
  3. 7
  4. 33

K} The Prime Minister of the United Kingdom needs to be elected by the people.

  1. True
  2. False

L} A bank holiday in the UK is usually spent

  1. In traffic
  2. At the sea side
  3. At a DIY store
  4. In traffic on the way to a DIY store by the seaside

M} The average wait in an A+E hospital before seeing anyone

  1. 5 minutes
  2. 15 minutes
  3. 4 hours
  4. 24 hours

N} Tax Payers in the North East have seen their council tax bills__ since 1997

  1. Double
  2. Triple
  3. Quadruple
  4. Half

O} The Public Spending revue is held

  1. Every year
  2. Every other year
  3. Every three years
  4. No longer held

P} The main religion of the UK is

  1. Shopping
  2. Sex
  3. Christianity
  4. Football

Q} In England it is traditional to drink

  1. Vodka and Red Bull
  2. Bacardi Breezer
  3. J2O and Southern Comfort
  4. To Excess

R} In England the unemployed are also called

  1. Chavs
  2. Property developers
  3. Bankers
  4. Estate Agents

S} In the UK lunch is taken

  1. Between 1pm -2pm
  2. Between 2pm- 2.05pm
  3. At the desk
  4. Lunch is for wimps

T} In the UK people are encouraged to eat five portions a day. What does this mean?

  1. No one really knows
  2. Mars bar, cheese stick, crisps, Coke, Big Mac
  3. Five unspecified amounts of fruit and veg
  4. Five portions of chips

EACH CORRECT ANSWER SCORES 5 PTS. YOU MUST SCORE 70 TO PASS THE CITIZENSHIP TEST

IF YOU FAIL, NOT MUCH WILL HAPPEN.

Answers A.1- B.3 C.4 D.4 E.2 F.4 G.3 H.4 I.3 J.1 K.2 L.1,2,3OR4. M.2{for an assessment} N.1 O.4 P.1 Q.4 R.{any} S.3 T.1 or 3.

13 comments:

Paul said...

Shame the Public Spending Revue is no longer held - I'd like to have got tickets.

Did it have a good run in the West End?

Elby the Beserk said...

8 out of 24.

I'll get my coat.

Elby the Beserk said...

And that's the REAL one!

James Higham said...

I failed dismally.

Anonymous said...

Citizenship or citizenshit?

Steven_L said...

What a load of b***ocks! Not your's BQ, that was quite amusing.

Needless to say I failed both miserably.

Can I suggest another: The title MBE stands for:

a) Minor British Enoblement
b) Member of the British Empire
c) Mediocre Batsman for England

Edindie said...

50% on the real one. Does that mean I have to move to France?

Bill Quango MP said...

54% for me on the 'real' one. But I've only been resident here for 40 years, have a higher than average interest in politics, deal with government departments daily through business and have studied British history as a special subject.

Re the revue paul..I blame smell chucker!
PE says Gordon Brown introduced the spending REVIEW in 1997 saying "this is too important to leave to just muddling through. Thank goodness those days are far behind us."

Irina from Dublin said...

I got 33% in the official test, but it took me only 3 odd minutes in the 50 mins allocated. Google might save me.

measured said...

Far more practical.

patently said...

Excellent!

Yokel said...

Excellent spoof, BQ.

Like many lifetime citizens of what was the United Kingdom, I haven't been paying too much attention since 1997, in the forlorn hope that the other lot would undo all the stupidities. Seems like they won't. So as I got less than half marks on the Official practice test, thereby failing by a substantial margin, please can I have my single use exit visa now?

Bright ideas on where to use it (ie apply for asylum) are welcome.

Bill Quango MP said...

Patently. Like the card unsuitable for 0-3. Have replied on your blog.

Elby/James Higham/Anon/Steven L/Edindie/Irina/Measured/yokel:

Everybody out. None of us deserve to be here. We aren't integrated enough.
For my choice of countries to retire too it would be Hawaii or South of France. Only trouble is that bloody French/USA citizenship test.

"I pledge allegiance to the flag of .."