With just weeks to go until the end of the season Gordon Brown has been sacked as manager of the Labour Party after failing to lift them away from the relegation places..
In a surprise move the Yorkshire pudding faced chairman John Prescott said that .."Without mutual agreement the Party decided that it was time for some of that change that Gordon's been banging on about. We thank him for... erm.. for all the ..erm.. well we thank him."
John Prescott, the self styled ordinary punchy bloke from Hull said the party needed a change of direction having suffered their 35th set of useless poll results of the season.
"If we can't beat Southern softies like Cameron and Osborne then we must make changes. Another hopeless performance at home on the Politics Show on Sunday only widened the gap between the parties leaving the Labour party three points adrift of safety. I have delayed this decision for too long and finally I had to accept what the fans were telling me. He had to go."
It is understood the voter thumping chairman of Hull City has harbored doubts over Brown's suitability for the role ever since Brown was appointed two seasons ago and there was widespread speculation that he would be an immediate casualty.
However, the Labour Party opted for prudence and gave the 57-year-old an opportunity to prove himself. A record of only three wins since taking over, one of them a sympathy win by a backfiring letter in the Sun, and one by his wife at conference, has not been deemed good enough and Brown has now been placed on gardening leave while the termination of his contract is negotiated.
After all the bullying talk, 10p tax fiasco, lost data disks, underfunded military, MPs expenses scandals and being at the foot of the relegation table for months and months it was thought Brown would have been gone much sooner but attempts to replace him were always aborted by the deputy chairman, Lord Mandelson and the main sponsor the Unite Union.
Gordon Brown expressed his disappointment at the news by hurling a laptop from a window. It contained this message.
“Although I am extremely sad to be leaving, I am very proud of my achievements as manager, especially having led the team from the top flight of electoral achievements to their lowest point since 1983" he said. "It has been a wearying,humiliating experience."
Reports that Brown had lost full control of the cabinet room were sparked just a few weeks ago when Alistair 'Bullyard' Darling and Ed ' Bambi' Balls were involved in an embarrassing altercation. The two senior players came to blows in front of members of the CBI, when the cabinet were on a marginal seat away-day at taxpayer's expense. The row was thought to be over who was actually chancellor But the news was still something of a shock to the political world. Only a few hours ago Brown had been saying how he would 'go on and on and on as manager even if the team was relegated.'
Assistant manager Shaun Woodward will occupy the manager's post until a replacement can be found. So far there have been up to zero applications for the job.