Saturday, 3 July 2010

Spy ring revealed

Spy Ring Exposed

Members of the former Liberal Democratic Party admit to being Tories.

The suspects arrested in Torbay now admit to being right wingers. Party activists have been deeply shocked to discover that MPs they have known for years as left leaning, large state, eurocrats, were actually right wingers in deep cover.

"I just can't believe it," said Jess Boden,35, a former intern for Danny Alexander. "He seemed just like the rest of us. He used roll-on, unscented deodorant and unthinkingly condemned bottled water. He worked with trees and campaigned
for the Nairn swimming pool to remain open for the Highlanders. Now I find out he's actually been orchestrating 25% cuts across the public sector."

The suspects have all been leading middle class, metropolitan,liberal lives in leafy suburbs like
Twickenham and Cheam, attending fĂȘtes, making sun dried tomato bread and recycling, back when it was merely fashionable, not compulsory.

Jeremy Espadrille,24, a researcher for Vince Cable, claimed that Cable had had access to the highest levels o
f data on the UK economy.
"Cable was very well in with the media and was the economic, talking head of choice when the BBC needed a centre left opinion. I was completely taken in. I even helped him with the artwork for the VAT tax bombshell poster. Now I read that he has insisted a VAT rise is necessary. Its quite unbelievable. To think I went to his organic, meat-free barbecue just days ago. I am so stunned."

"But when you think back - Well, the decision to cease negotiating with Labour and 'I agree with Nick' by Cameron. And our policies for an immigration amnesty and that silly mansion tax. I mean, when you think about it, they were just mad, even for us. Obviously Tory planted plans designed to poison voters."

It seems that the top tier of the Liberal democrats were infiltrated by Tory sleepers trained in classic political craft such as "Brushing off" interviewers, resistance to questioning and placing coded messages in the Guardian.
Femme fatale Sarah Teather has attracted the most media interest with her stunning squirrel cheeks and Facebook pictures of her using ethically sourced make-up. But she is considered just a very minor,almost insignificant, peripheral figure.

Esmé Solctice, 18, a media and sustainable resources student at Brighton's Harry Potter university said "I voted Liberal Democrat to keep the Tories out of power and strengthen the nation's ties with Europe, but all along they were working for the enemy."
Asked if she would vote for the Liberal Democrats in future she replied "I just can't conceive what they were doing. I bet David Laws isn't even really gay.
I won't be fooled again. Next time I'll vote UKIP."


Anonymous said...

Nick Clegg? The mastermind or an unsuspecting dupe?

Sean said...

Mind you Cleggover has taken many a student for a ride before rubbing up with Dave.

James Higham said...

Bill, have you ever considered typing in anything above 6pt? Some of us old fogies can't read that small.

Nick Drew said...

Bill, I've heard that several of your colleagues are Tory 'sleepers' ... Nokes, Norris, ...