Thursday 13 September 2012

Rockstar ate my Curlywurly

As a small boy, spending Christmas at the Selsdon park hotel,  the one of Ted Heath fame, I played table tennis with Alvin Stardust. He also bought my Curlywurly off me as he was peckish. {And paid a substantial amount, which was generous of him. } 
I have always considered this to be the most Z-list of non celebrity stories. Easily topping my backstage pass and access all areas card for Haircut 100. Or the time Lionel Blair needed to borrow a pound in Roehampton Asda.

But Mrs Q told me that Robson Green once asked to borrow a tissue.  She said it with much pride. Now that really is weak.
But her sister topped it!

"Our patio furniture used to belong to Valerie Singelton."
"So you went round her house to buy them?"
"No..They were already here."
" did you know they were Val's?"
"Well..the bloke we bought the house from said he bought them from her from a news-agent's advert.."
"But you have no actual proof?"
" it is a good story."
"Hmmm....No. Not really."

But it is the current Z-list, non celeb non-event champion anecdote.

If you have a worse, more pointless, less famous, utterly banal sleb story, then the crown might be yours.
Into the comments please.

In third place - GSD with Gary Linekar saw my fence.
In Second place- floppy flops with Tommy Ball's a voyeur. first place..the winner of the most uninspiring celebrity anecdote is 

Paul : Mungo Jerry should have gone to specsavers.


Paul said...

I sold a pair of spectacles to Ray Dorset (Mungo Jerry) in the '80s

Oh and I bumped into (literally) Arthur Scargill at the GLC, he moved on before I had the chance to give him a good kicking :)

Oli said...

My boss was at university with the nephew of Grotbags, out of Rod Hull and Emu.

gsd said...

I've got two!

1) In the late 60's/early 70's Leo Sayer's parents lived next to my Gran in Shoreham-by-Sea, Sussex & I got given a signed single by him.

2) The bamboo we had planted in our garden about 3 years ago is famous for appearing with Gary Lineker in a Walkers advert.

Tim Worstall said...

An ex-girlfriend went on to become a Z lister herself. In one of those "do up a house" programmes.

She's actually prettier than she was those years ago: maturity suits some women. But my, they are right aren't they, the camera does pile on the pounds.

dearieme said...

We had luch at Fortnum's and who should be at the next table but serial groper Andrew "Big Ears" Marr. Also I once had the chance, as I cycled along, to run down Germaine Greer, but I refrained. And then again, I saw walking towads me Ian Rankine, author of the very fine 'tec novels, and I almost said "Hello, Rebus" but didn't. And I once saw Hugh Laurie get out of a sports car with his children.

How many more of these reminiscences would you like? I can do you Rory McGrath, Peter "Boson" Higgs, and many others.

andrew said...

i guided john mortimer from manchester station to the theatre - he asked me because i was carrying the guardian

i have other stories but they are less exciting

Mrs Quango said...

I also served Billy Idol's dad in a Bromley megastore.

6 rcetch said...

The younger gay one from original, early Eastenders, can't remeber his name but his partner was Colin. Anyway he poached a girl I fancied in a {the only} Muswell Hill nightclub.

"He's gay" I told her.
"So? He's famous!"

I also Natalie Cassidy in an Esher restaurant.

Bill Quango MP said...

Dearieme: Nope, these are no good. Its not a sleb spotting contest. If you HAD run Germaine down you'd not only be doing the world a favour, but increasing your chances of a place on the podium.

Paul has it right. Flogging specs to Mungo Jerry is ticking all the right boxes. A story good enough to tell but with no real merit at all.
And Oli's 'Emu' related tale made
me laugh out loud.

GSD's Leo Sayer has promise but the second story is better.

Tim. its interesting. But we'd need a name.

Andrew is onto a good thing. I'd like to read those less interesting anecdotes.

Mrs Q - Hello Darling! How could I forget. Billy idol's dad. That's where the idea for this compo came from. Billy Idol's dad.

6 rcetchc - googled it. Barry Clark was his name. Perfect forgotten Z lister.

If only someone can provide a 'Lofty' and Susan Tully incident.

That reminds me..I used to supply the 'criminal clothes' to the Bill. They'd send a list over.
need -
1 x hooker - heart of gold so not too slutty.
2 x yoof - sullen. 1 x yoof gang
1 x middleclass woman casual - garden scene
And have you anything a rapist would wear?

Calfy said...

I think gsd might win, even though my Granny lives only a few doors down from the parents of one of John Cleese's wives. Lilith is truly wonderful at this, so I'll send her along when she gets back from holiday.
One of my good friends has an almost unbelievable capacity for recognising these z-listers, many of whom I've never heard of. He once sent me an excited text to say he'd JUST SEEN CHANELLE MCCOY!!!!!

Electro-Kevin said...

I think I met Tim Worstell's ex in Covent garden where she was having a coffee break from filming.

I asked her where Phil was and she said, "We left him in Liverpool. He wouldn't stop farting in the van."

Electro-Kevin said...

...Krusty doesn't do up houses does she ?

Sebastian Weetabix said...

When I was at primary school a "legs akimbo" type act turned up to do the usual excruciating patronising kids entertainment. There were 4 of them and one of them had appeared on play school. You really can't get more z-list than that.

At the other end of the scale I once met Lee Kwan Yew (ok I was in a line up of many dozens after a function where he gave a very good speech, he said hello and moved on). Now that guy had real charisma. It doesn't come across on TV but he has that star quality that dominates a room.

Floppy flops said...

I woke up one morning, parted the front curtains dpwnstairs and thought that I'd really let myself go.
My hair was a mess, I had a dirty great moustache and I'd shrunk by about 3 feet.
The briefest flash of despair and despondancy passed when I realised it wasnt my reflection at all.
It was Bobby Ball staring in my living room window at 7:30am.
He was filming in our estate an checking his makeup in our window when I opened the curtains.
Rock on Tommy!
Celebrity anecdote and existential crisis. Beat that.

Electro-Kevin said...

Chrissie Hind (The Pretenders) hitched a lift in my dad's police area car one night that she was late for a concert.

She took a piss up an alley en route to her gig.

(Not before he got her autograph for me though.)

CityUnslicker said...

I had to buy a round of drinks for Dan Ackroyd on his birthday in LA once. I was a student and it was a months wages, my hand shoook as I handed over the card.

Graeme said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Graeme said...

I was walking home through the centre of Hemel Hempstead and a car pulled up to ask for directions to the local theatre. It was Mike Reid - comedian, East Enders, Runaround presenter.

idle said...

I walked into a lift in a Sydney hotel and there was Elle Macpherson (with a short,scowling, unshaven, oily french boyfriend). Elle and I smiled at one another.

We both checked out and I headed for the airport. A few hours later I checked into a hotel in Auckland. As my lift was about to close, in walked... Elle and the grotty frog. She gave me a radiant smile and said:

"Are you stalking me?"

I know, I know, it should have been ME who said it.

incognito said...

Several years ago I found myself in the same pissoir as Malcolm Rifkind, Looking over the wall between us he quipped: @So this is where all the big knobs hang out".

On another occasion a well known dollybird actress was filming an advert in one of the major banking offices in the City of London for a chocolate confection that also bears the name of one of our planets. In full shot behind her working away diligently at his desk was my best mate. We travelled together daily to London

Beat that for tedium!

Jan said...

I was in the group Fuchsia in the early 70s. Does this count? You can hear it if you want online. We did one album and then sank without trace.

I also had a brief chat with Princess Diana when she visited a project I was involved with.

lilith said...

Our dog Pig tried to shag Pearl Lowe's excuse for a canine. "She's in season" Pearl explained.

Idle, Elle is NOT a Z lister.

Bill Quango MP said...

Calfy: my nan lives quite near jc's ex wife.
A perfect example!

EK. You don't think it was fragrant homemaker alsoppy?

Cu: like it. Ted Danson would have been even better.

Graeme: worthy effort. mike Reid is just the right type of recognisable non celeb. Which reminds me. Max Clifford and I use the same Waitrose.

Idle.elle is too beautiful to qualify. But it's a. Good story.

Malcolm rifkind,eh? If only gummed was on the other side you'd be there.

Diane is far beyond z list. But we'd all like a link to your big hair, flared spacesuit style trouser vids.

Lilith. I don't even know Pearl Lowe. That usually means someone very obscure or twitter meltingly famous.

Graeme said...

the stakes are high...just how nondescript does a celeb mhave to be for BQ!

Electro-Kevin said...

Little Bro' used to work in the Palaces of Westminster towards the end of the Major years.

Bernie Grant was taking a dump in one of the cubicles when John Redwood banged on the door to see if it was occupied.

BG muttered some oaths and JR took his leave.

"Who the fuck was that ?" asked BG of my brother as he came out of the cubicle.

"The Rt Hon John Redwood, Sir. And that isn't the only seat he's tried to get into of late."

Graeme said...

does anyojne believe EK's claim.....I didn't

Elby the Beserk said...

Whilst at college in Oxford many years ago ... I guess this would have been 1971, Traffic played in the College hall. Wandering over the quad (circular, in our case!), a small guy with long hair approached me and said

"Hey man, where's the hall"

I pointed to it and off he went.

Some minutes later I realised that the small guy was Steve Winwood.

Great show tho, and an still exciting (pre-junk) Clapton turned up and guested with them.

andrew said...

i served john biggs davidson a pint of cider at a cubs charity do when i was 11
he returned it because i gave him sweet rather than dry

Bill Quango MP said...

Graeme: As suspicious as the Mandelson/guacamole one.

Jan said...

Fuchsia link:


Steven_L said...

Graham Gooch tried to steal my permanent marker after signing my cricket bat and a load of people's autograph books with it.

I've met two con merchants who have appeared on BBC Watchdog to explain themselves. One was Michael Rangos of '' fame (or '' as we used to call it in Camden Trading Standards).

I've had a night out with the bass player from Sham 69 (can't remember his name) who my old boss recognised when he came in to pay his council tax.

Brett Adams (aka Noddy - the gay one - off Byker Grove) grew up in the town as me, was on speaking terms there as a teenager.

A child actor from 'Our Friends in the North' went to my school, I used to smoke behind the gym with him.

Met Boris soon after he became Mayor (with some other folk, including the dredded Tim Ireland, asking him to keep his old blog and forum running). Boris gave me a really dodgy look when he (sort of) shook my hand.

And hedge fund manager Crispin Odey nicked the seat I'd reserved on a train in 2006 and ended up inviting me out for a drink. Which is how I got interested in finance and by default this blog.

Dick the Prick said...

I sat across from David Miliband on the train on Friday morning and didn't abuse him which was quite polite of me but it turns out I was coming down with a cold.

Also played pool against the guy from the Beautiful South (lost) and bumped into Gary Wilmott as I was running out of the door after having completed my finals. Hollywood indeed!

Electro-Kevin said...

Graeme - It would be even more unbelievable that I would sit here and invent such a scenario. I really am not that creative - but thanks for suggesting I am anyway.

Believe me. I've held back on some of the Parliamentary corkers my younger sibling has told me. And I've stuck only to the Z listers as our host requested.

Electro-Kevin said...

Member's Cloakroom, Main Palace - opposite The Welsh Room.

Never been there myself, just had it confirmed by telephone.

Bill Quango MP said...

EK your {bro's] story is authorised. I shall use it in the commons urinals next week.

Elby - Winwood is too talented to be a z-list. Lke EK I played guitar in bands.
Unlike EK my biggest appearance was with Cliff Richard. The lead guitarist in that band was my best friend. He went to be a sessionist and is on albums with fat boy slim and the beautiful south, among others. Bit more credible.

ANDREW : Old B-D as we called him. Bigus Dickus as Norman used to say.

Jan: Much better than I'd have thought. There are a couple of Fuchsia tracks on spotify. Have a search.

Steven_L: That is a long list. Help yourself to 4th place. Boris..that might mean a PM handshake one day.

DP - Ahhh..the forgotten Miliband. Soon to be a political science module on 'how few chances you really get in politics and knowing when to take them.'

Steven_L said...

Oh, and the petroleum licensing guy I used to sit next to in Bristol had a sister who got off with Timothy Dalton at school!

Electro-Kevin said...

Thanks, BQ. It's close to where you park your Daimler, 'parently.

Cliff Richard, eh ?

That requires some serious capability. Especially 1970 onwards.

Well done you !

As it happens Thud ( a regular visitor on my site) made the Old Grey Whistle Test with his band.

I made it to the Colloseum ... well, not that one - the Colloseum in my town (a 20 seater Italian restaurant)

I often get accompanied by Ian Loud - drummer from Edison Lighthouse. Nice fella. Very down to earth.

Elby the Beserk said...


Winwood WAS talented. Some time after Traffic split up, he turned to soul slop of the worst variety, thereby Z-listing himself :-)

Electro-Kevin said...
Chrissie Hind (The Pretenders) hitched a lift in my dad's police area car one night that she was late for a concert.

EK. A cousin of my Ex's nannied for Hynd. She said she was a right tosser who treated her like shit.

Electro-Kevin said...

Elby - Pa liked her. Which says a lot. (We no longer speak)

Bill Quango MP said...

Ahh..EK..Its not even as good as it lamely sounds. This was in Cliff's Christian rock phase of the early '80s. He was doing a set as a favour to a school chaplin who was a pal of his. He did about 4 songs.Some other folk type band was there too. It was all Christian songs not much more difficult than 'The animals went in two by two.'

None of the clever Sixpence none the richer type of Prog-God stuff. Just the basics of busker' rhythm guitar. Tambourines where the order of the day.

I was embarrassed about it for years, until Sir Cliff's rehabilitation into society.

lilith said...

I was at school with the dark one from the Philadelphia Cheese ads.

Nick Drew said...

last night I had dinner with one of BQ's parliamentary colleagues, the rather improbable but genuine *ahem* Lady Garden

(who is a sweetie)

Anonymous said...

I saw Lemmy playing the fruit machine in the Embassy club in the early 80s.

And I met Nik Turner's ex (possibly one of many?) at a party last year. Charming woman.

Electro-Kevin said...

Nick - Lady Garden, Frog 'n' all no less.

Even more improbable but still absolutely true.

Bill Quango MP said...

Lilith. - Ahh if only you'd been quicker. At school with the dark haired one off the telly ad is a winning entry.

I've just remembered! CU told me he was at school with the son of the shake 'n vac mum.
You know the one. The one who's so ecstatic about putting the freshness back she looked like someone in the advanced stages of a compete mental breakdown.

Graeme said...

I was at school with the guy who played Katie's son in the Oxo adverts back in the 70s.

Jan said...

Am I too late to also give my son a mention. He's been a Death Eater in Harry Potter amongst other things and been a homeless drug addict in an Ian Beale-like hat and wig in Eastenders (as an extra and no words were spoken). He was also in the opening credits of "The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret" on Ch4 earlier in the year.

Probably this is all less than a Z-lister. Luckily I don't think he visits this site.

phil5 said...

A friend's nickname was Mrs Cillit Bang, cos she used to go out with the bloke in the adverts (whose real name is not Barry Scott).


James Higham said...

I played table tennis with Alvin Stardust.

Yep, not many can claim that, Bill.