Wednesday 30 January 2013

MP's Pay. Bill Quango responds to CityUnslicker

Its not easy being an MP you know.
And as you said earlier CU, the salary is pitiful.

Just £
65,738 + £3,000 for each seat on a committee & £10k for each Quango chairmanship. Then there's the coveted cabinet position that brings an extra £68,827 to the pot.

I suppose there are some minor fringe benefits. A free house with full profits from the sale. Free household items; loo roll, toothbrush, vase and plinth, bathplug, bookcase, trampoline, canteen of cutlery, table lamps, dishcloth, tea towel, flat screen 3d TV,  Hot tub ..etc.

Free travel to the workplace, by any means, from anywhere in UK. Free vehicle. Own office building with paid for staff, telecoms, Internet, TV, business services, free postage, free stationary and utilities, rents, rates plus a pool of eager interns willing to assist with any whim.

Then there's all the food in the fridge. Overnight first class accommodation. New computers, Sky subscription, magazine and newspapers.  Free Ipad 3. Free smartphone. Free laptops..As many as one invoices for.

At the main office there are  subsidised meals in a choice of luxury restaurants, open all hours. There's a choice of good bars and a club, fitness centre, and choice of some of the finest wines in the land. And there's an exemption from the nationwide smoking ban.

Then..the best, gold plated, unfunded, pension provision in the western world. A special golden goodbye in case of job loss. Free healthcare, insurance, private security. Free legal, media and  medical advice. A guaranteed OBE or better in the New Years Honours list.
There's always a retirement job in the House of Lords, which can also be used as a parachute to a job If one has made some terrible foul up.

There's access to first class media teams. The best PR gurus in the world. Top four accountancy firms readily donate their time and experience. As do banking, military, medical, engineering  businesses and such.. A comprehensive library and records department. And you work in an office with the best security and policing in the UK. Its even got its own tube station!

There is the opportunity to employ family members, without the need for all that employment law guff about advertising jobs. Family members can and do cross use the facilities of the MP's home office to run their own non related business too.Which an MP can also be a partner or director in.  There's free overseas travel and holidays for all the family at overseas conferences, requiring little participation and held in truly, luxury destinations.

There are unlimited opportunities for future directorships of FTSE companies. Exemption from the need for tiresome receipts for expenditure. Exemption from libel and slander laws.

There are free tickets to concerts, films , opera, ballet, football, Olympics.. 

There are opportunities to be wined and dined by the most successful companies in the land. Charities. Celebrities.

So you see, £60k odd.. isn’t much for a job with no set hours. No actual remit. No possibility of workplace scrutiny. No line managers or supervisors. No direct boss. No censure for uselessness. No direct performance reviews. Its perfectly possible, even desirable, to have a completely non related well remunerated job, in either the public, union, third or private sector, which can be done at the same time as the MP is working for the government.

  In a safe seat there isn't even a remote chance of deselection except for the most corrupt or those that have gone gaga. There are no real requirements to do anything at all. Its possible to even go off and do a TV show in the jungle, during the working week, & no one much minds. Its perfectly possible to just Tweet all day about what's in the papers and this counts as 'informing public opinion' and is acceptable as actual work.

And there's the chance to be a minor celebrity. Have views aired on social media, television, radio and newspapers. Appear on dedicated political and current affairs programs, pontificating wisely.

And one does have the ability to actually frame the laws of the land to suit one's chosen agenda. To benefit from those laws.
Or to exempt oneself from the more  onerous laws. Its possible to skew the system in one's or one's parties favour. To ensure that money flows to one's supporters and away from the enemies fiefdoms.

Oh..and there's another whole super level of politicking to be had at a later date, in Europe, where the rewards are greater, the taxes lower, the scrutiny even milder. The democracy minimal. The expenses more bounteous and the grandeur and splendor rise as the workload shrinks.

Oh yes, almost forgot. A paid holiday entitlement a teacher could only dream of..As much as 16 weeks.

Don’t we deserve at least another £25,000 on the basic?


DtP said...

Only 16 weeks holiday? According to Mr Google in 2012 the main chamber sat for 129 days! Less than 19 weeks, geez Louise with knobs on. Sure there's select, standing, ad hoc committees. There's constituency work and campaigning but less than 20 weeks! Ppppphhhhhheeeee

Electro-Kevin said...

Because you're worth it, Bill.

Blue Eyes said...

They will all whine about the constituency work. Except ask a difficult question and you will always get a pro-forma "unless you have an actual problem, eff off" letter back.

Jan said...

Ah bless

Botogol said...

is there really an exemption to the smoking ban? what exemption exactly, and where are they allowed to smoke?

(that was the only thing on the long list that took me by surprise!)

Bill Quango MP said...

Botogol: we are not actually exempted..merely not compliant. All interior areas are smoke free. But there are four designated external terrace areas where smoking is permitted. There is a ruling in the smoking ban act that says no one is permitted to smoke 'x' feet from an exterior doorway. That bit is ignored.

ken from glos said...

Brilliant no wonder i despise them all !!

Mr Ecks said...

You left out the Gordon Brown option Mr Quango. That is, work your own small business, talking self-justifying shite as an after-dinner speaker at £36000 a time while drawing your full wages from the HoC and hardly bothering to even show up at your supposed job.

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