Friday 1 November 2013

Trick, Treat - and Knowing When To Shut Up

So the Drew household has installed the ceramic cut-out pumpkin with the night-light in the porch, assembled the confectionery, and is quietly watching TV and awaiting the chaperoned hordes of Halloween tinies.

The bell rings; Drew throws open the door, and - - - 

- - - two teenaged lovelies in dustyspringfield make-up, school shirts, ties, and the shortest skirts you've ever seen.  Jailbait alert !   - this is horror of a different kind. 

In normal circumstances I am fairly quick off the mark with a half-arsed witty gambit ... and the words 'trick' and 'treat' came very readily to mind in various combinations, not to mention I've got something here for you ... 

Not to mention !  That's the key: not to say anything at all - and mercifully the brain engaged first time as I silently proffered the basket of candies.  The door closed to a round of approving applause from Mrs D.

Phew.  Have a good weekend, all.



Bill Quango MP said...

MS Quango was in full ghostly maiden attire, looking much too close to fourteen than the 10 she actually is for comfort.

Master Quango, age 5, had a Darth Maul mask, looking like a demon and insisted on walking through the churchyard "With no mums..mums stay here.."
And managed to frighten himself when he 'saw a real zombie climbing out of the grass.'

There were fewer than ever tricksters about. Shame really.

dearieme said...

England had the chance for centuries to adopt the rather civilised Scots traditions of Halloween. Instead, late in the day, she has adopted the raucous vulgarity, with traces of coercion, of the American variety. It does not bode well.

Electro-Kevin said...

Same here, ND.

All of them more Britney Spears than Morticia. And if Britney's knickerless period is anything to go by she didn't get any Curly Wurleys at Halloween either.

Blue Eyes said...

Round 'ere they wouldn't dare knock on doors at random. A colleague who lives on the outer edges says that in his area the trick or treaters tend to be old enough to know better, and are just out to get cold hard cash or case the joints. Sounds like you live in quite a nice part of the world ND!

I managed to shut up just in time during a "chat" with the boss earlier.

Nick Drew said...

that'll teach 'im, BQ

(they sell a bizarre twitching zombie-thing-in-a-sack at Tesco ...)

I'm with you, dearieme - the Americanisation of this is baleful [though I feel it's settled down to something a bit more twee in the last couple of years: not so much random egging

and yes, BE I still live in a (relatively) quiet part - though we have a new neighbour who's on witness protection ...]

curly-wurlies, yes it's just too easy, isn't it EK? you could have plod on your doorstepso-o easily

Elby the Beserk said...


hovis said...

A friend who lived in Canada for a while was saying how horrified the Canadians were, when he described the hybrid version of trick or treat / money with menaces we have here in the UK. It seems so much more civilised there. Btw what ever happened to us celebrating 5th November en masse - it seems to be a bit to anarchistic for the authorities these days.

Nick Drew said...

they used to do a grand, non-PC anti-popery thing in Lewes

maybe they still do ..?

we have some very big & jolly firework displays where i live

(and they are a lot less violent now than when I were a lad, when they were an excuse for mass punch-ups)

hovis said...

ND, its been a few years since I've been to Lewes on the 5th, the police are ever more intrusive and jumpy as such raucous freedom of expression wanting to ban squibs, bangers and all. However the atmosphere was excellent I hoep its not been dampened

There is still the pope (Pius IX?)burnt but most of the effgies are the current years crop of politicians/bogey men, not sure I can make it this year would be very interesting.

Just a shame such organised anarchy (and tradition) is the exception rather than the rule, rather than plastic pumpkin being sol in Asda ...