Thursday, 21 August 2014

Domestic Abuse a Crime?

If politcos start bidding each other up on policies like criminalising "nonviolent control in an intimate relationship" then the 2015 manifestos are going to make for pretty weird reading.

Let's see if we can get them started with some new criminal offences with genuine voter appeal.
  • sarcasm in a crowded kitchen
  • wilful withholding of the TV remote
  • assertion of headache without reasonable evidence
  • persistent failure to observe the washing-up rota
  • unlawful distortion of toothpaste tube
  • possession of withering glare
  • going equipped for golf 
I'm sure C@W readers can provide enough material for a substantial new Act of Parliament.  It had better include provision for ten million new prison bunks.

ND

15 comments:

Blue Eyes said...

A newly-established right enshrined in law to leave a relationship at any stage, with no notice required?

Blue Eyes said...

And what about a new offence of "setting off a nuclear weapon while having a domestice disagreement on the Docklands Light Railway"?

Matt said...

a statute of limitation (1 week( on the raising of past inconsiderate comments and/or forgetting to fulfil on one's promises.

Peter Whale said...

The broad term of domestic abuse applies to ones country. So if you abuse your MPs rather than MEPs is that domestic abuse?

Anonymous said...

And this just a few days after the "family-friendly" announcements. I guess "family" = "woman"

andrew said...

Cutting off the end of my sentences.

(verbally not prison)

More seriously, on Today yesterday Evan Davies (i am a big fan) asked yvette cooper how the behavior she was referring to was not covered by existing law and she basically admitted that it was, but not enforced, so we need now laws.

Perhaps we need a new law that makes is illegal for a police officer to not uphold all the laws - ignorance is no mitigation!

Nick Drew said...

yes, now that the authorities have solved FGM, they need something to occupy themselves with

Anonymous said...

I'm sure the wife would appreciate a law against antisocial snoring!

Bill Quango MP said...

On the backbenches we have been working hard to ensure

- A statute of limitations
for past misdemeanors, forgotten anniversaries, inappropriate birthday presents, etc.

- a one cushion in one cushion out policy once the level of matrimonial bed cushions exceeds 10.

- Compulsory attendance of 'Sale' school that teaches both sexes that something that you don't want or like, that is half price, is not 'a bargain'.

- some as yet to be discovered law requiring children under 10 not to come and talk to you with some life pressing emergency such as the Peppa pig DVD fallen into the dog bowl, whilst you are on the lavatory.

- a law requiring manufacturers of white goods to ensure the symbols used on devices have some relevance to the function..And their to be a 'men only' setting - which is basically 40 degrees all items.

- Pioneering use of telephone table focused CCTV to establish who exactly DID have the car keys last.

- Acknowledgement that changing lightbulbs, emptying bins, visiting the tip, resetting the wifi, going into the loft, hanging pictures,making a 1000 piece Lego model, moving all the clocks back or forward, including oven and microwave, and retuning the digital TV IS at least a FORM of housework.

- Female acceptances of the male's right to exist within the bathroom.
Not to encroach on the tiny 'Geezer strip' and obey UN resolution 200/7 prohibiting the further settlement of scented candles within the occupied zone

dearieme said...

yvette cooper has a face like a pixie sucking a gherkin.

Timbo614 said...

and a law against entrapment by her asking "How do I look in this" because there is no right answer in my experience!

and a law restraining the rights of women to use your new 5 bladed razor for legs and arms. I don't know exactly what they do with it - but you always need a new blade after and they are now £3 a pop.

more seriously...

"explicitly stating that domestic abuse covers coercive and controlling behaviour"

So, we need this law so we can throw 90% of Muslim men in prison (just in case they get fanatical you understand).

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