Friday, 28 November 2014
The rise of the SNP - alternative history
Alex Salmond was on BBc's This Week.
He said that the incredible deal offered by the Smith Commission, something far in excess of what was on the table before the referendum began, is a sham document that robs Scotland of its right. The report is a betrayal of what the Scottish voters were 'promised' by Gordon Brown and the whole thing has been a massive betrayal by the ruling London parties.
He could provide no evidence of these additional promises. They aren't reported in any news paper. Or recorded in any speech. But apparently Brown promised them. Even though Brown hasn't been PM for quite a few years, he had the power and did promise Scotland full tax raising powers.
Salmond sounded ever more extreme and unpleasant. Promising the Scots things that the UK can never deliver, and then complaining that when they won't agree to his demands, they are reneging on their promises.
It may all have sounded a little familiar to history students.
2014 - SNP surrenders to the British government after failure to achieve a YES vote.
After years of political warfare and many, many millions of pounds wasted the result is a stalemate.
Disillusion with traditional political parties rampant.
The defeated SNP Tartan army is allowed to march back to their homes in good order. The victorious allies decide against occupation of the homeland.
The myth of 'the Westminster stab in the back' is born.
2015 - Alex Salmond discharged from the Tartan Army . Formation of the Scottish FraeKorps from SNP & ex-Labour voters.
2015 - Treaty of AuldLangSyne. Harsh terms are imposed upon the Scots. They have to incorporate the 5 a day fruit regime and minimum pricing for alcohol into their culture.
2016 - Adolfine Sturgeon becomes leader of the fledgling new Socialist Nationalist party. She ceases bleaching her mustache.
2017 - Tennent's Extra Hall Putsch, to forcibly occupy Scottish parliament and expel other parties, led by Sturgeon and Salmond fails. Authorities fear making them martyrs and sentence them to one month community service. Salmond writes his autobiographical manifesto "Mein Kilt"
2018 - SNP take up seats in the parliament. English students forced to pay for education that is free for non-English.
2019 - 2nd global recession. The Prince's Street Crash. EU enters 10th year of recession and loans to fund Scottish benefits and education dry up. Scotland enters sharp downturn. The Socialist Nationalists blame 'foreigners' for the cut backs that follow. The persecution of the English intensifies.
2020 - Socialists Nationalists and the Green Party take seats from the Communist-Red-Eds. Salmond stirs up his supporters with fiery rhetoric and promises. He demands more powers of taxation and a Scots army and airforce that was [always} forbidden under the treaty of AuldLangSyne. Running street battles, fires, looting and extreme violence break out in Glasgow and Dundee..Which is quite normal behaviour.
2021 - Adolfine Sturgeon becomes Chancellor of Scotland.
2021 - Holyrood Parliament burns down under mysterious circumstances. Civil unrest in the major cities. And Aberdeen. Sturgeon demands emergency powers. "English foreign saboteurs' blamed for fire. Oppression of the English, something that has been on the rise since 1968, increased.
New laws banning 'Australian people' from owning newspapers or having involvement in the media passed. Murdoch press forced to sell to SNP supporting moguls.
2022- Night of the deep fries - Green party leaders eliminated under Sturgeon's orders. The Greenshirts are incorporated into the SNP.
2024 - English banned from all public sector jobs in Scotland. Which is basically all jobs in Scotland.
English forbidden to marry Celtic citizens or date people with ginger hair. Sturgeon demands Anchluss with Isle of Man.
2025 - Pact of Steel mills announced with Wales. England calls up all 200 of its reservists. Scotland demands control of Northern Ireland and claims Celtic citizens are being mistreated in that country. Sturgeon says war will follow if demands not met.
David Cameron flies to Melrose for talks with Sturgeon. He agrees to allow occupation of the Irish border region and Scottish control of the Northern Ireland subsidy in return for a time extension on the naval base at Faslane .
He returns to Croydon claiming "Lease in our time."
Adolfine Sturgeon posts Cameron back his umbrella that he had left behind "I thought you might want this. It folds up very quickly."
2026 - Scotland occupies Northern Ireland. England arranges to lease St Nazaire so as to have somewhere to base its aircraft-less carriers.
Cameron says, no ifs no buts,Sturgeon will not demand anything more if we just accept this final humiliation.
2027 - Sturgeon demands the port of Hollyhead from Wales.
Miliband-Cameron coalition formed.
2027 - Kristal-Meth Night . Thousands of shop windows smashed, heavy street fighting and attacks on English owned shops and businesses. The violence erupted after a controversial penalty decision at Wembley in the England-Scotland Euro Qualifier game saw England win 3-2. English taxpayers made to pay for all the damage - so no real change.
SNP passes the Helensburgh laws. All English people must wear a yellow flag of St George and drive a white van. English places of worship, Marks & Spencers and John Lewis are forced to close.
2028 - to the astonishment of the world an SNP-UKIP pact is announced. These two ideologically opposite parties form an alliance.
2028 - Scotland invades Wales. England declares war on Scotland.
Outbreak of hostilities.