Monday 3 November 2014

You could'nt make it up: RBS to assist Police with Financial Crime

Hats off to the PR people at RBS as they have managed to pull off a real coup. The City of London police have long been under-staffed and poorly equipped to deal with investigations into real high-level fraud cases at major banks.

The cases are too international, the complexity of the financial instruments purposefully arcane and byzantine - indeed the conviction rate until recent years has been very low indeed.

So how very enterprising of RBS to offer to help, here is a list of RBS's recent fines:

£390 million LIBOR scandal fine
£131 million cumulative since 2002 from City Regulator for various mis-selling
£490 million set aside for FOREX investigations and fines
And an unannounced amount for payouts and compensation for Derivatives mis-selling which is still being thrashed out today.

A cool billion quid, just in fines from the Country's state owned bank.

So who else but poacher turned gamekeeper would be better to help the Police with their enquiries. Perhaps as well as giving a helpful boost to the Bank's sullied reputation they might also learn of what is to come in the future and maybe even try to do something about that.

I wonder if tomorrow they will bring in Micky McAvoy of the Brinks-MAT gold robbery to advise on fixing in the commodities markets....


Timbo614 said...

Old Bill: "'ello, ello...where is the actual money, you know.. the dosh kept then?"
Bank: "In the computers.."
"Sergeant RBS"... Confiscate them 'puters over there.. get a lorry if you 'ave to. We'll see what in 'em.

Old Bill:
"an' where are the Seedy Dresses we 'ave 'eard about?"
Bank: "In the computers."

Old Bill:
"In the same 'puters? C'mon, we're not that can't keep dresses in computers, where are they?"

Old Bill:
"And this list of financial assets then, where are all of them?. there's an awful lot 'ere"
Bank: "In another banks computers"
Sergeant RBS: C'mon Bill, everything was on the computers an' you just loaded 'em on lorries. So cases closed police misconduct suspected.

Old Bill: "Sergeant RBS You think we're that green to believe you don't write anything down, like like for signin' an that?"
Sergeant RBS: "ermmm..."

LOL, Some chance, RBS turning grass? If they grass-up the other banks, they'll get taken out.

Hah, Run, houses, and around, come to mind.

Jan said...

It's a well-known ploy.....create a mess then be one of the first to offer to help clear it up. It's happened before with pension mis-selling in the 90s....I know I was there for the clean up (not the sales) although there were a few who had sold pensions previously. The (insurance) companies who sold the pensions had a lot of work afterwards with sorting out compensation.....then it happened again with endowments.

It cost them but I think they gained too with grants for providing employment opportunities in other parts of the country away from London.

Demetrius said...

Can't wait for the TV series, Chief Detective Inspector Fred Goodwin of The City.

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