Friday 15 May 2015

Political and Business double speak

Nigel Farage has not resigned at all we have discoverde this week, indeed he has "un-resigned."

This menas politics is now copying the pseudo-claptrap talk of management. As it is Friday, here is a list of some other typical double-speak we all see and hear everyday -

 ”We will do it” means “You will do it”

”You have done a great job” means “More work to be given to you”

”We are working on it” means “We have done nothing yet, but may start soon”

”Tomorrow first thing in the morning” means “Its not getting done
“At least not tomorrow!”

”After a discussion we will decide - I am very open to views” means “I have already decided, I will tell you what to do”

”There was a slight miscommunication” means “I lied”

”Lets call a meeting and discuss” means “we do not want to deal with this, lets delay for months”

”Make a list of the work that you do and let’s see how I can help you” means “Your very close to be fired now"

"We need to find out the real reason” means “Its your fault, I just need to find a way to blame you”

"We are a team,” means, “I will not take the blame alone”

"That’s actually a good question” means “I have no idea what you are talking about”


Blue Eyes said...

The ST had a wonderfully vicious piece about Nigel's resignation/attempted suicide on the clifftops of Kent. Basically it labelled him a complete mentalist.

This unresignation, followed by Ukip spat, suggests the article may have been based on a kernel of truth.

I am out visiting clients this afternoon.

Bill Quango MP said...

We are evaluating all the data
- We have no idea what it is that you do.

We are experiencing very high call volumes
- it may be 6pm in your country, but here in Bangalore its lunchtime!

Bill Quango MP said...

Interesting -Chukka has withdrawn from the leadership race.

A reverse Farage.. he has resigned himself

Anonymous said...

Someone is about to publish a story about his *girlfriend* ..?

Y Ddraig Goch said...

I've always enjoyed variations on "This is unacceptable", or even "This is totally unacceptable", from politicians. It always means "We have already accepted this and will make no effort to change it".

Steven_L said...

"I am out visiting clients this afternoon."

= I'll be in the fox and hounds if you fancy a pint or two.

An example of 'non-management speak'?

Bill Quango MP said...

"the war situation has developed not necessarily to Japan's advantage"

I was saving that for an Ed 'stone' Miliband/labour parody.

But he, like Imperial Japan, is history.

andrew said...

we have to work together on this

- I ****ed up, you have to fix it.

it isn't clear / it is complicated...

- I will try to persuade you that 2+2=5, and continue for a long time

just so I understand

- I intend to shift the discussion into a framework that suits me

do it properly

- Do it the way I want

we are all one team

- I am exporting my teams problems into your team

Suff said...

The political scene is so run by spads and the so called free press, are so in their pockets, that they don’t even bother with double speak anymore and no one pulls them up on it.
Question on any subject-answer todays party soundbite

“What, because I ask Ukippers why they are so grumpy that they are getting an EU referendum?”
Because it wasn’t just the European question that Ukip raised. Nigel was popular because he asked the questions the public wanted to hear raised. (which should be the job of the Feckin opposition and the press).
His Major mistake was not standing in a By Election where votes don’t drift to the anything but labour camp.
Poor losers are usually a result of gloating winners. Especially when the losers were actually the allies in putting the socialist scum back in their box.
So to all the true capitalists, with Labour out of the way for five years, do you think Cameron is the man to start rolling back 20 years of socialist indoctrination and common purpose? A word of warning to him. You better grow a pair and start to fix the country because, you’re going to take a hammering at by elections if you don’t.
Sorry to hear the quiz has finished. I was just getting in to it.

Raedwald said...

'Mispoke' As in 'Although present at the siege, he mispoke when he claimed he was a member of the SAS team that rescued the hostages. He was, in fact, a St John's Ambulance volunteer looking after the watching crowd at the time.'

And I thought *everyone* knew that 'I'm working at home this morning' meant 'I'm expecting a parcel this morning' ...