Saturday, 6 May 2017

The Prince's imminent retirement

Related image
HRH Prince Jeremy Corbyn

News that the 95-year-old red prince, Jeremy Corbyn, may shortly be being retired has been greeted with dismay in North London, where Jeremy is thought to be a living God.
Locals now fear his retirement means he will never return to the tiny Socialist Island where the royal Jeremy and Queen Diane are part of the fabric of life in the global village of Islington.

Villagers pray to the 95-year-old red prince daily, asking for his blessing on the banana and yam crops, and avocado juice shakes, in the fair-trade hipster shops that make their once long ago extremely poor community self-sufficient.
This co-operative commune of these tribal people believe Jeremy to be the Messiah.

The locals worship the 95-year-old Corbyn. Criticism of him is blasphemy. Disrespect to the ancient pensioner could mean shame and banishment as a guest at the house feasts that are held in the evenings.The labour tribe have several old photos of Jeremy, including one dated 1983 of him in a shell suit, holding a drink made from ground beans.

Image result for corbyn shell suitThrough a fluent politically-correct speak interpreter, local village Chief Byron Malia told us  'The Great Jez' was a powerful figure. That he controlled the number and size of recycling bins permitted and ordanaced dog poo bins at park gates.
Mr Malia was speaking at the socialist village's micro-brewfest, a traditional meeting place where the men gather at night to drink highly unintoxicating kava-guava based glasses of beer..

'Prince Jeremy has said one day he will come and visit us again,' said Mr Malia, who was born in 1964 but self-identifies as 'forty-something.'
'We still believe that the great man will come back to us after his far travels to our brothers in Hackney and Hounslow. But if he doesn't come back, the pictures that I am holding... it means something to us."
Image result for corbyn shorts
"But what it means, I do not know."

According to local legend, Prince Jez is the very pale-skinned son of the people, Royal God King, who once ventured across the seas to look for a powerful ethnic tribal woman to marry.

 'Prince Beardy is important to us because our ancestors told us that part of our custom is to believe any old nonsense we are told. Like small children,' said Mr Malia, who took over from his father as village hall chief in 2003.

Islington is a very primitive area. Situated in the northern Zone 2 region.
 The indigenous media and marketing folk survive on a simple diet of chickpeas, kale, berries, and mustard seeds. Much of this shy, naive population live clustered together in converted tall brick buildings. Often with only a few square meters space of space for an entire family. And just a shared, communal, tiny strip of grass which they use to grow vegetables.

A large number bake their own bread and make their own yogurts and a flavourless ice-cream from root vegetables. Our interpreter advised us that
 "These people eat the sorts of foods that we, outside this society, would happily throw away. But here, they are sought after. Even though they are very expensive to buy. This J√≠cama, for example. It tastes like carpet tile glue. But in this village just one of these hipster turnips will fetch up to £6.90. Its no wonder they never stop talking about foodbanks.They have no understanding of internal combustion and travel everywhere by bicycle."


Many of the women wear traditional hemp grass skirts with their bra-less chests adorned with chunky silver jewellery. While the men, clothed in old t-shirts and ill fitting baggy pants, sport impressive, Islamic looking beards and brightly coloured eye-glasses.

Asked whether the Corby's blessings would help with the tropical storm of coming Tory cuts that often batter the area, Mr Malia said the was sure it would. Chief Byron Malia told us:


Which is all in the official Labour party manifesto.

12 comments:

Demetrius said...

Bow down you lower middle classes.

Anonymous said...

Do you think Jez knows that the kids etc who are supporting him, the metro-sexuals, hipsters, nouveau riche, virtue signallars and generally political wankers have absolutely fuck all in common with his central 'philosophy'? Sure, it's not necessarily the job of a leader to give a toss about those who follow him but I wonder when he steps away from the TUC or the International Brigade into an auditorium filled with the likes of Smurthwaite or Laurie Pennies that he thinks to himself 'geez, you lot have totally got the wrong end of the stick, here'.

Just a thought.

Reset my computer settings and have totally blocked out access to Blogger - the humanity!!

DtP

mike fowle said...

Excellent.

Nick Drew said...

the other day I met Someone Who Knows, who said that Momentum have done a very good job in getting people to believe their membership is all hyper-enthusiastic 20-somethings

in fact it is predominantly the middle-aged crowd he described as "the people who've been fetching up at Billy Bragg concerts over the decades ...

and you don't take a political party to power by relying on a Billy Bragg audience"

Electro-Kevin said...

Jezza is nothing compared to what's up and coming out of PC Oxbridge these days.

Twenty years ago we never imagined Dinner About would be taken seriously as a politician - let alone Home Secretary - so wtf is coming next ???

I'm kinda looking forward to Islamification. It'll certainly put a few cunts in their place - and I'll be too old to feign feminist for a shag by then.

Anonymous said...

I hope he hangs on until the Brexit negotiations have concluded.

Suff said...

Brilliant Bill
This is why we need to bring back manual industrial jobs. Not to make any money but as a means of thinning the herd. By my calculations, beard entanglement alone could reduce idiotic thinking by up to 30%, as lathes across the country drag them in by their balmed face hair.

Electro-Kevin said...

Suff - ha ha !

The NHS is the new industrial wing of the Labour Party.

andrew said...

ND

That has the ring of truth (outside of a university town).

Raedwald said...

Ha! Brilliant. Love it. So well observed!

CityUnslicker said...

some of that is awesome Bill, better than Private Eye!

Anonymous said...

Bravo! say the remainers, Huzzah! say the leavers!



Not since Bush won in 2004 have I read the like.


http://blamebush.typepad.com/blamebush/2004/11/farewell_my_por.html


"Tears welled in my eyes as I sat out on my balcony last night, watching the sea of headlights slowly moving north on I-5 towards Canada. Thousands of my amigos, my comrades, my brothers-in-arms had packed up their VW vans with anything they could smoke and were heading for higher ground. Artisans, actors, poets, musicians, bong craftsmen - a rag tag fleet of rebels on a lonely quest to find their homeworld.

Yesterday, I bid farewell to my best friend Travis, who was sailing to China on a raft made from empty soy milk cartons tied together with macrame'd hemp rope.