Tuesday 3 December 2019

Labour to nationalise itself make the Labour party 'free to all'

As the election gets tight for Labour they have been busily offering 'free' goodies to all potential voters in a desperate calculated bid to try and get nearer to 40% of the vote and deny the Tories a majority in Government.

Hot off the phone line from the Millbank Kremlin to me comes the news that the last and best retail offer Labour has saved for the end of the election Campaign. The Labour party intends to rally make it for the may and not the jew few.

In an announcement to be made at Roker Park in Sunderland, Jeremy Corbyn will announce that the Labour party will be nationalised. Everyone will automatically become a member of the labour party from birth. A free signed picture of Jeremy Corbyn will accompany every NHS baby pack and to start school all kids will receive a Diane Abbot signed calculator.

Labour believe that this fantastic offer, fully paid for by a travel tax on the Gnomes of Zurich, will be the clincher. With everyone a member of labour then everyone can vote for Labour at the election. I understand Richard Burgon is the brains behind this cunning plan and argued for it voicerferously over a recent meeting of the shadow cabinet in Jeremy's kitchen.

As a Capitalist I can only marvel at the logic and audacity of the Labour party during this election. their sensational and well-thought through political plays have amazed me.

What will be more amazing is if they really do get more than 1 in 3 of the votes next week...


GridBot said...

Imagine a person of average intelligence. Half of all people will be less intelligent than this person. Combine that with how many people can't stand the BoJo brand. I think this is going to be a lot tighter thank you think CU.

dearieme said...

"next week": oh Christ, is it that soon?

Alternatively: thank God, it will soon be over. Or not, if we get a minority government.

andrew said...

What gridbot said.

That and (oddly) people have memories.
Part of thatchers legacy was that most of the old clal mining and industrial areas in the north will not vote con.
Part of scotlands memories are that lab just did nothing for them for many years.

The snp may be on he verge of finding out that being useless does not win elections.

E-K said...

Likewise the Tories should be open to competition and relish the Brexit Party standing against them.

E-K said...

Wasn't 'choice' one of their key words once ?

Penseivat said...

The fact that Labour, under Harold Wilson and Tony Benn, closed more mines than ever closed under Thatcher's rule, and imported coal from Poland. They did this to show solidarity to their socialist brothers (and give the Soviet Union access to hard currency). Also, when that paragon of ethics, Scargill called the miners out on strike (without a ballot), he also insisted that that included the engineers tasked with maintaining the machinery to prevent the mines from flooding. The end result was that several mines which were not due to close, had to be abandoned as the machinery to prevent flooding was under water! But, hey, let's not blame those responsible. Let's blame the evil Tories.

Elby the Beserk said...

andrew said...
What gridbot said.

That and (oddly) people have memories.
Part of thatchers legacy was that most of the old clal mining and industrial areas in the north will not vote con.

I wouldn't be so sure...


Anonymous said...

@Penseivat - you make the same mistake so many do.

It's been a habit of mine, when someone kneejerk hates on Thatcher over the mines, to snarkily ask if they then support coal? At that point, most tend to babble a bit as they also tend to hate fossil fuels too. The smart ones respond with "it wasn't the coal, it was the abandoning"

Which is the point. A lot of the old industrial parts were just left to rot by the Tories in managed decline and, once Brexit is out of the way, they'll revert to voting Labour instead of Tory because of that.

Thatcher did a lot of smart things, but she had her moments of stupidity too - and entrenching those regions as Labour gimmes was one of them.

E-K said...

Leaving those areas subsidised was the problem.

The industries may have been closed down but the communities weren't and the subsidies kept coming, only this time (instead of propped up coal mines) in the form of welfare to support the families of drunken/drugged/absent fathers.

Labour client state growing and growing.

andrew said...

Memories are not always fair and often do not reflect facts.
Something like the mine closures take generations to get past.
In this election you need to be over 38 to have been alive when the mines closed.

Anonymous said...

The mine closures coupled with Thatcher's total defeat in the culture wars meant spiritual and moral devastation for the mining areas, which in the 1930s despite massive poverty and hardship had maintained their culture/social fabric.

So places that still had a community in the Hungry Thirties became smack-ridden disaster zones in the eighties. Many still are.

MyISurpriseMyselfSometimesName said...

I rarely bother to read the comments on here as they are often little more than angry Daily-Mail reader rants. I bothered today and wish I hadnt. I wish there were more intelligent Tories around; Conservatism has much to offer but red-faced buffoons are off-putting on any agenda.

Anyhow, just popping in to let you know that today my election barometer produced its result.
This is the same barometer I used to predict a Brexit win and a hung parliament last time.

My on-the-street, click-my-fingers-to-the-beat, down-with-the-kids instincts have told me that Labour will win this election. Today my 'barometer' came in and tells me that Labour will indeed win.

My local MP is a quite a decent Tory and has been very good for the area and local issues in particular. I dont think he'll be unseated but it not beyond the realm of possiblity.

Just for your own information (and future debate?) my election Barometer has been far more strongly in favour of Labour than I would have thought.

In my area I would have said that '40% Labour' would have resulted in a very good Labour showing nationally. The barometer today read 59.5% Labour.

Where I am, thats a heavy, heavy number for Labour.

This really could be a shock election.