Sunday, 6 June 2010

How 'Common' are you?

In response to all those POSH tests doing the rounds



DO YOU PASS THE COMMON TEST?




Answer yes to three or more of these and you are considered common





YES

NO

1

Do your toddlers have pierced ears?



2

Are any of the doors of your car a different colour?



3

Have you ever purchased an item using the television?



4

Would you know how to cash a giro?



5

Do you own a snake or a lizard ?



6

Do you have tattoos over more than 25% of your arms ?



7

Do you shop at Iceland?



8

When you go out for a family meal does it come in a bucket?



9

Do you watch ITV 2 ?



10

Do most of your relatives live within walking distance?



11

Have you ever been involved in a paternity test



12

Do you enjoy dog racing?



13

Do you shop at Sport and Soccer?



14

Do you have an account with Kays?



15

Have you ever been on holiday to a caravan park?



16

Did you name your children after celebrities?



17

Do you take off your top when you go shopping?



18

Do you own a 50" television?



19

Do you have an England flag hanging from a bedroom window ?



20

Do you watch Jeremy Kyle?




source --made up research



45 comments:

John M Ward said...

Now that's a good antidote to the POSH test...

I scored slightly higher here (I scored zero in the POSH Test) as I occasionally watch ITV-2; but that's all.

It probably helps that I am single so the child-based questions don't even apply to me...

Anonymous said...

Scored one - also occasionally watch ITV 2 - very entertaining quiz

At a slight disadvantage - being irish I wont be flying an England flag - or a tricolour for that matter - during the world cup - Thierry Henri put paid to that :)

Guido Fawkes said...

2, phew.

Nick Drew said...

what's wrong w dog racing ??

Budgie said...

Looks like I'm a posh chav, or a common toff.

Steven_L said...

Does your flatmate hanging an England flag from your living room window count BQ?

There are some good films on ITV 2 from time to time and I'm sure giros have instructions on them.

I'm with Nick on the dog racing too. If it moves I'll bet on it.

Electro-Kevin said...

I've just had a holiday on a caravan park and couldn't move my multi-coloured Mondeo for middle-class professional types in Audis and BMs.

I watch Jeremy Kyle but only to keep abreast of latest fashions.

I only shop at Iceland when the old people visit - they can't tell the difference between Panda Pop and real Cola.

Yes. I do take my top off when shopping ... but only for tattoos and nipple piercings.

Most of my relatives are too fat to walk - so NO. Most do NOT live within walking distance.

Martin Keegan said...

I don't even know what half of this shit is, though I did once ban a chap who worked for me from eating KFC.

Frank said...

What is the top I might take off when I go shopping please?

The Admiral said...

Am I common if I own a £20,000 caravan with a £2,500 site rent?...

Anonymous said...

Snakes and lizards- yes, but only outside.
hg

Can't remember my moniker said...

If a caravan in a tree shaded park by the Adriatic counts, then 'one'.

The King of Wrong said...

Seems to confuse "common", "poor" and "chav"...

1 (and my parents would score 2)

lilith said...

Yes, I have had two caravan park holidays :-) and I named my daughter after a celebrity (although an obscure one, if that is possible!)

Mr Ned said...

So I scored 2 on the posh and two on the common.

I guess I am middle class then. Unlike that POSH git Guido Fawkes.

Yes Guido, you ARE posh!

I do shop at Iceland occasionally, as well as Tesco, Asda, Lidl, Aldi, Netto, And Marks and Spencer and Booths. (we don't have a waitrose or Sainsbury where I live)

I haven't had to cash a Giro in a decade as I am in permanent employment, but even I know that they do not pay out benefits in Giros anymore. They make direct payment to a bank account.

Timbo614 said...

Hmmm,

2 + 1/2 for what's wrong with dog racing (from the restaurant only of course!) so a close shave!

Billy Blofeld said...

Ha! ha! An insightful list - and so much better than the "posh" one.

I have been on holiday on a caravan park and I do sometimes watch Jeremy Kyle.... the shame........

Swiss Bob said...

Brilliant.

Two, possibly three. Giro's are cashed at the PO?

CityUnslicker said...

One only for me - kids insisting on the England flags!

Bill Quango MP said...

I should confess... I used to work for Sports Direct, occasionally watch ITV 2 and I know that a giro can still be cashed at the Post Office. Getting dangerously close to confessing a taste for brown sauce on Filet mignon

Bill Quango MP said...

John M Ward. Not posh or Common? Welcome to middle class...

Anon/Guido. Never mind..can still watch ITV 2 while the world cup is on.

ND: If you have to ask then award yourself double points.

Andrew B said...

It is a trick

If you actually read the questions to both tests and worked out a score for both tests:-

You cannot be that posh - really posh people wont read such tosh
and
You cannot be that chavvy - you can read and this is not youtube / hotmail

However...

It is fairly clear you spend too much time on the Internet.

Anonymous said...

0 on this. Thank God.

Now get back to work you proles!

Bill Quango MP said...

Steven_L you are getting dangerous close to ending up like EK here! You need to do a are you a super chav test over at yours Electro-Kevin. You'd walk it.

Martin Keegan: I have developed a taste for motorway services KFC's. Its quite worrying..

Frank: Maybe your football top? Or your missus can remove her Primark lace neck trim-ribbed T/sh and go about in that attractive grey-wash look bra?

Bill Quango MP said...

The Admiral & Can't remember my moniker:
I was at a party where the Karaoke guy put on a record that had a majority of the guests leaping up and singing and doing 'birdie song' like hand and bum movements.

I had never heard of this song but maybe fifty people were all dancing away."What is this?" I asked.
"Its from the caravans ..you remember.."

So, unless your caravan holidays have your own Aga Do Do Do, Push Pineapple, Shake a Tree type group sing alongs, then..erm..no, they don't count.

snurgling said...

Ooops! Scored zero.

I've had two brief stints of being in receipt of the State's largess, in 1981 and 2001. On both occasions the funds were paid directly into my bank account.

Huzzah! said...

Zero! Wonderful.

Helps that I don't even have a television.

William said...

I used to eat giros when in Crete.

Geordie Scoot said...

The questions read as a Geordie POSH TEST - I scored 3 so I'm a posh Geordie or dead common, take your pick.

Bill Quango MP said...

Anonymous Snakes and lizards- yes, but only outside.
hg: It still counts

The King of Wrong: Its all very confusing.New class society is very confusing. Cash rich but education poor and heritage rich, cash poor.

Swiss Bob: Giros are indeed cashed at the Post office. Are you on JSA/FB/or CTC?

Bill Quango MP said...

Lilith: No one would call you common!
My Brother claims he has tent holidays. However its a two floor tent with butler at Glastonbury. Thats posh.

Mr Ned: Giros can still be cashed at the PO. Perhaps a better question would have been "have you ever used cashconverters to cash your paycheck?"

Timbo614 I refer the Hon Gent to the answer I gave Nick Drew.

Billy Blofeld : Jeremy Kyle just draws you in. Its hypnotic but i haven't seen it for years. I often wonder if the makeup people deliberately chip fat grease up some of the ladies hair. Surely they knew were going to a TV studio that day? All of their mates and family would be watching? Surely a bit of Timotei the night before?

CU: We all know that if Mrs Unslicker didn't keep a tight rein then your toddlers would have both piercings and tattoos.

Bill Quango MP said...

Andrew B: Good point. To posh for facebook? Could be a TV show. Socialites and social net-workers swap lives. Better register it quick. If you don't Fox will.

Anon/snurgling/huzzah scored -0 Back to your Krug.

William - are you sure it was giros?



Geordie Scoot I scored 3 so I'm a posh Geordie or dead common, take your pick.
Is there such a thing as a posh Geordie? Alan Shearer?

Timbo614 said...

LOL the scoring for this and QT is getting like "Have I got News for you" arbitrary to say the least!

The Ape Man Commeth said...

Love the 'lizard' question.

I scored 1 (caravan park)

James Higham said...

No to most of those - what does that mean?

Steven_L said...

Nothing wrong with tents BQ! Summer's evening sat on the side of the loch, open fire going, nice bottle of single malt on the go, relaxing on the recliner and waiting for a monster pike to set the baitrunner screaming.

Paradise mate, paradise.

Pogo said...

I, sort of, scored 1 - caravan park, but that was over 50 years ago when I was but a nipper.

The POSH test was a piece of p*ss, the Aga installed in the yacht gave me a good start. :-)

Disco Biscuit said...

2... the tattoos and only if you count going camping as "a caravan park", rather than a trailer park type place.

Which is quite reassuring because I'm posh according to the other test. :)

Electro-Kevin said...

BQ - "You need to do a are you a super chav test over at yours Electro-Kevin. You'd walk it."


To be fare I'm a chav with a heart though, BQ. (My Pitbull came back with it after breaking into the local primary school)

freda said...

Zero... Havenot heard of Jeremy Kyle?

Bill Quango MP said...

The Ape Man Commeth - only one? Barely a common bone in your body.

James Higham: What does it mean? It means you can safely go on holiday in Switzerland with the Ape man.

Stephen L: Sounds wonderful. I have only been fishing once. Shark fishing. Caught sea snakes.

Pogo : - the Aga installed in the yacht Has to be the quote of the quiz.

Disco Biscuit: You cannot be common and poor. Having an organic, fair trade oaten biscuit with your tea is posh. The moment you dunk it its common.

Freda: So no ITV 2 or ITV in your house then?

Nick Drew said...

there are some quite funny answers here

Osama the Nazarene said...

What is a top? I never use my car in the shopping mall.

Alex said...

Do your toddlers have pierced ears?
No but my prize bull has a ring theorugh its nose.

Are any of the doors of your car a different colour?
I drive a Maserati Gran Tursimo, so the whole car is a bit different.

Have you ever purchased an item using the television?
I don't have a television in the house, so I have no need for an item that would use it.

Would you know how to cash a giro?
Yes, I would give it to my butler.

Do you own a snake or a lizard?
There are adders on my grouse moor.

Do you have tattoos over more than 25% of your arms?
Well, the family swords are stored in the vaults of Edinburgh castle, so strictly speaking that would be a yes.

Do you shop at Iceland?
Only once on a business trip to Reykjavik. Bought some whale blubber and a geothermal power station.

When you go out for a family meal does it come in a bucket?
Only the champagne

Do you watch ITV 2?
Beats me. What is ITV 2?

Do most of your relatives live within walking distance?
Great Aunt Maud lives in the West Wing and other members of the family live on the estate.

Have you ever been involved in a paternity test?
Yes, turns out I am 13th in line to the throne of the Holy Roman Empire.

Do you enjoy dog racing?
We call it hunting.

Do you shop at Sport and Soccer?
No idea what that is.

Do you have an account with Kays?
The only place I would buy my curling stones:
http://www.kaysofscotland.co.uk/

Have you ever been on holiday to a caravan park?
Trekked to Timbuktu last year, so I guess that is a yes.

Did you name your children after celebrities?
Of course, famouse relations like to be acknowledged, and it smoothes the way to an inheritance.

Do you take off your top when you go shopping?
I always remove my hat when I go indoors.

Do you own a 50" television?
In the reception area of my office.

Do you have an England flag hanging from a bedroom window ?
Only on St Georges Day, from a fagpole on the balcony outside my bedroom window

Do you watch Jeremy Kyle?
Never hear of the fella.

About 15/20. Do I win a prize?

Can't remember my moniker said...

@Bill

I have only just discovered your remark months after the event (quite quick for me).

The majority of holiday makers are Austrian or German. Our next door neighbour is from Vienna, is an IT consultant to one of their main banks, plays the organ as relaxation and occasionally puts on a concert by the waterside of traditional German songs, whilst the sun sets over the sea.

So the problems of empiricism arise - how does one categorise this?

If it does not count, then I am extremely posh wit a score of zero. Somehow, I cannot bring myself to belive this!