Thursday 5 May 2011

Question Time: Champion of the Games edition

David Dimbleby is joined in London by
Philip Hammond, {Transport Sec and someone who promised to pay back any profit made from the sale of his second home. That home is only down the road a bit from grandpa Quango, so we're watching.}
Andy Burnham,{shadow state sec, and head of electioneering strategy at Labour HQ. Incredible really. I had no idea there was a strategy.
Paddy Ashdown, {Former SAS hard man who might have a view on certain operations. Will also be 'fully supporting the leader, whilst watching passively as the Valkeyrie plot develops.
Yasmin Alibhai-Brown {Turgid and tiresome centre left journalist. Forever given the easiest of rides for her batty views.}
and Douglas Murray. {Journo and The anti-Yasmin. Some producer thought that this would be a fine punch up. Not so sure it will. }

Playing for champion of the games!
Winner gets to live in a villa on the Palatine Hill and decide the fate of AV.
Surviving losers fed to the lions.

This week MALCOLM TUCKER thinks
1. was it right for America to invade Pakistani territory to assassinate Bin Laden?
2. Will the bitterness of the AV referendum end the coalition.
3. Should America publish photos of the dead Laden?
4. Does an SNP win in Scotland mean Labour's let's not have any policies policy, is a failure?
5. Royal wedding united the nation.


Miss S-J - 41
Malcolm Tucker -41
Botogol - 41

Timbo614 - 40.5
Bill Quango - 39.5

Nick Drew - 37.5
- 35.5
Miss CD - 34

Hatfield Girl - 29.5
CityUnslicker - 29
Measured - 26
Dick the Prick - 24.5
Hovis 21.5
Steven_L - 20

Andrew - 19.5
GSD - 18.5
Mark Wadsworth -14.5
Anon -12

Woman on a raft - 7
Budgie - 5
BE - 3.5
Philipa -3.5
Lilith -3
Alan -2


Bill Quango MP said...

Mark Wadsworth said...

1. How did you vote in the AV referendum?

2. Does Bin Laden shenanigans make terrorist attack on UK more likely?

3. Should that copper who attacked Ian Tomlinson be prosecuted?

4. Should Charles step aside to allow Wills to become the next King?

5. Should cars be banned on Sunday so that children can play in the street?

Bill Quango MP said...

CityUnslicker said...

1. Huhne the muppet on AV
2. No change to interest rates - economy
3. Bin laden - BBC hero murdered bby yankee imperialists
4. Coalition splits
5. royal wedding - patriotism is fascism or someting like that.

GAURANTEED WIN FOR CU THIS WEEK - the BBC, so predictable.

Bill Quango MP said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bill Quango MP said...

Hatfield girl

Carrying a small cash reserve folded at the back of one's purse is the right of every woman (and therefore man) who might be faced with the need for getting-home-safely money or an unexpected shopping opportunity; so why has it become a capital offence when one is confronted by US navy seals?

What did we ever do to Mervyn King that he encourages roaring inflation and refuses a reasonable return on savings?

"Tightly-knit groups of politically-motivated men" was a phrase used by Harold Wilson, so is that why David Cameron doesn't act against them as they threaten to wreck our transport system in London, indeed in any part of the economy and the country?

It is not possible, within our cultural and consumer terms, to feed a family of four on £50 a week, so does the panel think that proposing the feeding of children with jam on toast and over-cooked spaghetti is the final condemnation of the Labour years?

Two referendums in nearly four decades and both of them an irrelevant waste of time; does the panel think we ought to understand our own constitution better and reform it in our own, native ways rather than indulging and deflecting in European Union-style political undertakings?

And (breaking the four questions only barrier)

Would the panel, were it the RAF - go on, make an imaginative effort, sing 'Dambusters' under your breath - prefer their officers not to appear as Colonels of the Irish Guards just because the uniform is prettier?

Bill Quango MP said...

Botogol said...

1 - is assassination justified as a tactic against terrorists?

2 - now that OBL is dead should we leave Afghanistan?

3 - was the AV referendum all a terrible mistake by the Lib Dems, and doom for the coalition?

4 - should Boris bring in the Army to drive the tube trains?

5 - do the presenters of politcal TV programmes have a special right to privacy?

Bill Quango MP said...

Dick the Prick said...

AV and other elections, natch, with perhaps a bit of focus on Jockland

Bin Liner deposed of and Afghanistan withdrawal

Pakistan aid money - whassat all about?

Nick Clegg maybe although that could be a bit full frontal so maybe how can the coalition survive, thrive etc?

Terrorism, is Libya just another reason why we should expect terrorism or something i.e. do we create terrorism (it is the bbc so just thinking nutty)

Bill Quango MP said...

measured said...

1. AV and the rift. Was it worth it?
2. Bin Laden Why is Pakistan upset and the US coy?
3. Libya Can we now go get Gaddafi?
4. Will terrorism flourish? Arab spring v. A.Q.
5. Super injunctions. What don't we know about you?

I am on the move, hence the brevity. The Americans won't catch me....

Miss CD said...

1. Should US release proof of Bin Laden's death?

2. Ian Tomlinson. Should there be a prosecution?

3. AV. Is anyone still in favour?

4. Royal Wedding. Is this what the country does best? Tradition.

5. Should car litterers be fined by anyone reporting them.

andrew said...

AV - blah blah
Osama - why were the americans glorying in another persons death - more than a little wierd
What would you super-injunct
Did you buy any olympics tickets

Bill Quango MP said...

1. Osama. Should he have been put on a long and pointless trial?

2. AV. Was it necessary to have such a bad tempered campaign that no one outside Westminster paid any attention to?

3. Libya.. should parliament have been recalled to discuss whatever it was that seemed important a week ago but we've forgotten about...and should the Libyan leader be Sealsed.

4. Royal wedding. A big success for UK. Should we have more of them?

5. Hmm.. probably super-injunctions.

James Higham said...

I'm still desperately trying to understand all this.

Miss S-J said...

For the title of world champion.

1. Does Osama's death make any difference to anything?

2. Royal Wedding. Charles should abdicate as soon as the crown touches his head.

3. Super injunctions. Does any member of the panel have one?

4. AV. Must the Lib Dems now stay in coalition or look like bad losers.

5. Why is Lloyds putting so much aside for mis-selling? £3.5bn losses. Is it time to properly nationalise the banks we have already sort of nationalised.

Timbo614 said...

Good luck every one :)

1) We have bagged Bin Liner (good) but is the world really a safer place? and is dancing in the streets a bit OTT?

2) Will the police have more open investigations given the outcome of the Tomlinson enquiry especially when it is recorded on a pretty damming video?

3) Is the lack of interest in AV because it's too complicated? (The reason my wife gave for voting no.)

4) Should we and Boris break the Unions, before they get to break the Olympics?

Throwaway: Can we trust any on-line Corporation's security in the light of the Sony 100 million account fiasco?

appointmetotheboard said...

1. Bin Laden - justice or might is right?

2. Was the AV such a non-event that it doesn't even warrant a question on QT? Or put another way, will the coalition last five years? (Answer yes)

3. Should those nasty RMT trotskyites be banned from striking?

4. Royal wedding. Why did we give them £30m of taxpayers money, when they won't pay the cleaners a living wage?

PS - FOA Bill Quango. Would it be terribly bad form to request a change to my leaderboard name? I know its late in the day but its, appointmetotheboard'. Appointmentotheboard really isn't what I'm all about!

Bill Quango MP said...


And apols.

appointmetotheboard said...

Cheers Bill - much appreciated!

Bill Quango MP said...

Hello! Armando yes to Av has turned up.

1st Q - Arrest Osama or shoot him. 'I love Obama' Yasmin has lost a little love. {bless} She sounds like a fourth former. Doug Murray thinks its good he was shot and gives Yasmin a gentle slap over 'Human Rights.'
Paddy thinks due process would have been better. He asks 'how old are you Douglas?' Hinting he is too young to kill.
Paddy must know the average age of a UK combat solider is 20. And of the SAS 28-30. Douglas is 31.
Yasmin is very upset at the killing of unarmed Osama. Phil H, should remind her of all those unarmed civilians in the twin towers.
Armando talks more rationally.
Andy B agrees with Hammond. "We just don't know what happened."

Then lots of audience questions. This is going to take a while. Looks like 4 questions max.

A good reply from one audience man who says if you take BinLaden hostage, what terror crimes might be threatened until he is released?

Q.2. Guantanamo question. Some info may have come from there. A torture question. Don't think anyone had that.
Yasmin-Dougie spat. {producer rubs hands with glee. Yasmin IS talking bollocks though.Paddy says much the same as her but gets far more applause. Hammond eems to have gone out to the pub with Andy and Armando.}

Q3. Are the jubilant celebrations over Osama's death in NY justified.
Armando nails it. It is for them. Not so much for us.

Q4. Is the world safer now Bin Laden is dead. Are we just having an Osama night? A very heavy news week and BBC is like a stuck CD.
Get a cloth out Dimby.
We're all waiting for you to finish so we can turn over to Newsnight for the council elections live.
Aren't we?
Labour reporting happy exit polls.

Q5.Would No to Av send a message to Clegg.
Andy Burnham,rightly, is unimpressed by both campaigns.

Bill Quango MP said...

Quote from SKY while waiting for QT to hurry up.

"Vince Cable tells Sky that bad results will strengthen Clegg's position, because the cuddly Lib Dems will pity him:... I think there will be a lot of sympathy for him in the party.”

The sound of scrapping could be the bottom of the barrel. Or knives being sharpened.

Bill Quango MP said...

AV rumbles along on the actual campaigning. Paddy tries to defend Clegg though he is clearly put out by a loss of YES top AV.

However it is now quite clear that the Lib Dems should have not worried so much about AV that no one cares about, and worried a lot more about tuition fees that most Liberals do care about.

Thank heavens thats over. Awful QT.

Bill Quango MP said...

{its 2 for everyone so will be very creative marking}

Malcolm Tucker - 3. I noticed you picked 2 Osamas. Should have done 5.

Mark Wadsworth. -2.5

CU - 2.5

Hatfield Girl - Two referendums in nearly four decades and both of them an irrelevant waste of time
Great line. Not sure Bin Laden was killed for having 500euros in his PJs. I think it was for something else. -2.5

Botogol -3. Well Done

Dick the Prick - I make that 3.5 Good show!

Measured - 3 also. Amazing really. There were only two questions asked.

Miss CD - Just 2.

Andrew - 2 + 1 for the glorification Q = 3

BQ - 2 {blown it!}

JH/UK SEO Company. Come back next week and I'll explain the rules again. I know it looks like political Mornington Crescent but its really very easy.

Timbo614 - 3 {good try with Sony. BBC didn't want any 'other' news tonight though.}

appointmetotheboard - 2.5 there.

Miss S-J - uhhh-oh. Just 2. Thats not good.

So winner is Dick the Prick with 3.5 who can now settle the AV question once and for all.

But ....World Heavyweight Question Time champion of the world ...
{X factor style Fake Tansion{Tm} wait for five minutes....}............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Miss S-J - 41
Malcolm Tucker -341
Botogol - 41

Well done to all who share the crown. And also get to suggest any amendments to the game for the next round that will last until the summer recess or a coalition split. Whichever is the sooner.

New compo starts next week.

Bill Quango MP said...

Just saw yours Mr Drew
ffff - hard to be original this week (though HG as usual puts us all to shame)

1. should the beeb really be spending big £££ (our £££) on star talent ? (pace Lord Patten)

OK that was me trying hard, but it's downhill all the way from there

2. should we withdraw aid from Pakistan ? etc etc in an Osama vein

3. will the coalition split over the lost AV vote ?

4. didn't she look lovely ? (and happy !) - plus a big beeb bucket of cold water to follow: should Charles step aside ?

5. should the G20 plod face prosecution ?

scored - 2 . But out of only 2 different q's asked so its 100%.

Timbo614 said...

Half a point - half a damn point!
[grumble, grumble, kick self, kick desk, didn't want a quarter of a crown any way, it's only one and thruppence] Reminder to self: think up more jokes in the new compo!

:) otherwise well done crown sharers

Dick the Prick said...

Congrats to all those clever winners. Been a bit of a learning curve into the esoteric concerns of the great unwashed. Many thanks for putting this on Bill, some kind of sado-masochistic thing in God alone knows how much drivel we've all put up with.

Have a lovely summer folks.

Botogol said...

joint first!
(swells with pride smiley)
I can hardly wait till I get home and tell Mrs Botogol...

an improvement? (do the winners really want to change the rules of a contest which they have won ?? that would like the tories voting for AV..)

but here goes: replace the four question bonus with a slightly wider one for correctly predicting the number of Qus whatever it is: So: a bonus point if the number of questions in your entry matches number of questions in the show.

Miss S-J said...

Tight finish.

Well done to Malcolm and Botogol.
Crown every third day and no wearer on Sundays.

Malcolm Tucker said...

Congrats to all, even though i've been to docked 300 points for some reason.

Malcolm Tucker -341
Botogol - 41
Miss S-J - 41

Look forward to a new season next week. Is that right?

GSD said...

Damn & blast - turn your back for 10secs & miss it! (yep - I just forgot!).

Congrats to the 3 joint winners - well played.

And, as another poster has written above, thanks BQ for running the whole thing.

as an irrelevant point, I thought Paddy's background was SBS & MI6, not SAS?

Mark Wadsworth said...

2.5! yay! Finally something I enjoy being mediocre at! (rather than absolutely useless or really good at).

hatfield girl said...

'I know it looks like political Mornington Crescent but its really very easy.'

Very high-order remark, that.

Congratulations to all.

(I once explained Mornington Crescent to a grand but serious Sri Lankan social anthropologist, various other supportive party-goers even played a couple of rounds for him. He was unable to join in - complete professional failure there, said we were all mad.)