Monday 18 July 2011

The voice of the people

Scene . BBC Salford.

BBC girl with headphones strides briskly along a BBC corridor, with Ed Miliband hurrying along in tow . She’s saying “We’re walking”into a walkie talkie. BBC news editor meets Mr Miliband and asks “Hello Mr Miliband.You have some important news for us at the BBC today? Where shall we start?”

"Where? Lets see.. I think I’ll do Radio 5's Nicky Campbell and Richard Bacon, then BBC 24. Then Radio 3 {quick few minutes there} Then BBC 2, documentary soundbites for a phone hacking scandal. Panorama special.

Then BBC 1 news and breakfast news for tomorrow…..Then BBC London news, and I’ll do a few of the regionals. Definitely for BBC Wales and BBC Scotland. Then Newsnight and Today and better do World at One too and that other R4 news show that goes out pointlessly before the main news at 6 o'clock..I'll do Vine for Radio 2 . Better do Newsround too. For the kids. Does Cbeebies do news yet? No..? You might want to look into that…Anyway…I'll do Radio 1's Newsbeat for some youth appeal.”

I will probably just be able to be live on the main Drivetime & of course the 10 o’clock news. I'll do Derbyshire tomorrow I think. Give me a call.
A few words for BBC 6 news and BBC 7, or whatever its called now. Four extra?

If I can I'd like to squeeze in a pre-record for the Andrew Marr show and is This Week on? Shame Question Time isn't I'd definitely go on that this week... Now what else, while I'm here.
A few camera poses for Red Button and BBC three 60 second news. A longer piece for BBC 4 news.

Must do the World Service. Do you still have the extra Arabic and Persian news channels on the World Service? You do, great I'll do them too. Obviously a piece for the massive BBC interactive website. Maybe four or five pieces? You can run them as you need them. Put a few on Ceefax if that old thing is still going in a few areas.

Then BBC Newsline for Northern Ireland, Channel Islands and Look East/Look North/ Look West and all those other regional stations. BBC Oxford must get a special as they are a key demo for Labour. And Midlands East and West.
Better do BBC spotlight South-East, even though there’s no voters there, its all message isn’t it?”

“And what is your message Mr Miliband?”

“Simple. One broadcaster should not be allowed to dominate and control a large market share of the media of this country.”


Budgie said...

Come on you lot - stop paying your BBC tax. You know it makes sense.

CityUnslicker said...


Old BE said...

Brilliant. Nick Boles was good on Newsnight. He basically said that of course Ed Miliband was in a better position to make media hay because he had nothing better to do, while Cameron has to get on with doing all the other stuff that Prime Ministers have to do.

Anonymous said...

This amused me very much ;)

Analogue TV disappears round my way between 3rd and 17th August. It will be interesting to see how easy it will be to get out of paying the tax!

I'm keeping my TV for the Xbox360, so I shan't be able to say that I don't own one, but equally I won't have any way of receiving a digital signal...

Laban said...

Bravissimo !

Sean said...

You forgot about the BBC staff magazine Ariel, I should say a full feature hello type spread?

Anonymous said...

Quality. Good work, sir.

UKIP-BW said...

Linking here:

Bill Quango MP said...

BE:I thought that too. Why wasn't someone from the government saying 'he's the Pm. He's set up an investigation, agreed to a judge, investigating the met and so on.

Bill Quango MP said...

Budgie: I'm down to about 8 hours a week now.'ll still have an aerial though?

Sean: yes. And Cbbc news / I-player / radio times/ all the very many local radio stations and TV stations.. BBC world, BBC Entertainment..and on and on...

Thanks for links everyone.
I'm at a splendid tax haven island in the Caribbean at the moment. Fox/CNN/CBS/ABC/ NBC and a host of others.
BBC world is just awful. Awful!
Couldn't possibly be more boring.
BBC news/entertainment, not so bad.

Anonymous said...

Good post.

In all the bruha about the so called 'phone hacking' scandal, lets not forget that the BBC were guilty of stealing money from their hapless phone quiz contestants.

Corrupt? It's the unique way the BBC practices corruption.

Anonymous said...

My first thought was exactly As many of the commenter's have said - brilliant!

So painfully and obviously true that this massive and clearly biased media empire is allowed to act as it wishes - and we are all tax to pay for this state propaganda machine!