Tuesday 12 June 2012

Your guide to the Euro zone 2012 game

 For our readers who haven't been following the latest Euro 2012 game, here is a guide.

We've helpfully predicted the near future so you don't have to keep following it on Newsnight.



 Eu 2012 Groups & Schedule

 Group A

Russia 21 03 6
Czech Rep. 11 1-2 4
Poland 03 00 3
Greece 01 2-1 1

Greece, as expected, go out of the group early with a -77 billion goal difference

Czech Republic does well and decides to join the 'New EU' euro currency in 2014

 Poland decides to keep the Zloty, so goes out early.

Russia couldn't care less about the Euro yet goes through to influence. Hikes the price of gas.

Group B

Germany 30 0850 9
Denmark 20 14 6
Netherlands 10 2-1 3
Portugal 00 3-1 0

Portugal leaves the Euro directly behind Greece once they see the Drachma take off

Netherlands misses budget target and fails to get through. The shock result of the tournament.

Denmark coattails Germany and slips into 'New Eurozone'

Germany tops the group and goes on to win mastery of the entire New EU' finances and budgets

 Group C

Croatia 12 02 5
Spain 03 00 3
Italy 03 00 3
R. of Ireland 02 1-2 2

Croatia scheduled to enter in 2013 anyway, just joins the 'New Eu and New Euro-Xtra currency'

Italy limp into the next round after some incredibly fortuitous refereeing decisions & the largest bailout in history

Spain just keeps drawing {bailouts} and finally falls out of the EU over the Bankia crisis 

Ireland originally got through, but were ordered by Brussels to play their matches again until they lost. Fails to enter New EU

Group D

Ukraine 11 11 4
England 12 00 5
France 21 00 7
Sweden 00 3-1 0

France gratefully goes through to the New EU finals

England despite team UK's best efforts, also goes through, hoping to be kicked out soon

Sweden and Ukraine go home but weren't Euro currencies anyway, so  just continue to make unhelpful comments from the sidelines.


Sebastian Weetabix said...

Isn't it a shame that Italy, Spain, Greece & Portugal aren't in the same group? I'm dying to be able to say "Group of Debt"

New mower said...

Too much long grass to be able to see clearly more than 48 hours ahead.

View from the Solent said...

This is apposite

Timbo614 said...

"Ireland originally got through, but were ordered by Brussels to play their matches again until they lost."

made me smile :)

Of topic:

Diesel fumes are on a par with "passive smoking" so:-

1) Welcome to £8.0 per litre diesel as we must stop people killing each other.

2) Diesel cars will have special car parks constructed with major air conditioners required to purify shoppers air.
3) Putting your diesel car or 4x4 in a garage or workshop will be prohibited, special workshops will be constructed with only 1 wall and a roof.
4) mechanics will be issued with breathing apparatus in order to work on them safely.
5) All MOT stations will now have 1 wall and a roof too!
6) diesel cars are prohibited from using tunnels as they (in practice) have more than one wall.
7) All diesel cars to be parked a minimum of 200 metres from any workplace or public building.
8) The carrying of children in diesel cars to be considered socially irresponsible.
9) Diesel cars to be levied 200% more road tax as a contribution to the NHS for health damage caused.

Diesel vehicle owners, pay attention and welcome to the smokers' world :)

Demetrius said...

Very good, but what about the referees' bonuses?

Bill Quango MP said...

Told you the dutch were going home!

James Higham said...

Is there football on?