Friday 10 May 2013

how to find your correct name for your social class

With the recent local elections thrusting many new people into local government, it might be time to consider finding the appropriate name to give yourself if you are tempted to climb the slippery pole.
 To be a successful backbench MP requires a recognisable name. 
Yasmin Qureshi, MP{lab} is not being invited onto Question Time anytime soon.

The best way to find the most appropriate name for your party is, as so often in Britain, to go back to your school roots.

Take the name of your prep school or your House and public school House/school name -uni/college name, and there you are. {For those without the benefit of private education that's the school name and the assigned year group name. Otherwise you will all be truly socialised by having Year 4 as a first name.}
 Tory backbench MP, Bill Quango. {William Quango until the late 90's, then it was all in hands in pockets and open neck shirts..Look at those boys above - you can almost hear the Housemaster - "Take your hands of your pockets! And see the barber! You like a footballer from Paraguay!- 10 demerits Johnson!"}

Bill Quango MP, could have been Bristow Sandringham.
And  a check with the interns and the office staff, and their political allegiance, reveals

Ms Victoria Buckholm - {Con}
Mrs Melba Hollows - {Lib Dem}
Ms Amelia Alachua -{Green}
Ms Tudor Hurstwood - {Lib Dem}

Mr Newlands Stanchester - {Con}

Ms Ashbury  Baguley-Hall {UKIP}

And just to prove it works for all classes

Mrs Agnes Pike {Lab}
Mr Rodney Compton {Lab} 
Mr Primary School Academy {Ind} [who may have misunderstood the process]

No wonder the left are so anti posh, non bog-standard, education. Under the Quango system down to earth former schools minister Ed Balls would be Harvard Bawburgh-Keeble
And John Major - Rutlish Common.

Your own new MP/allegiance or Social Class names into the comments please.


41 comments:

Malcolm Tucker said...

I'm Broadstairs Holmwood - {con}

Timbo614 said...

So I'm Byron Goldsworth {None of the above party}

Not sure I like the connotations of that.

John Smith said...

My ordinary John Smith type name becomes Raleigh Frobisher-Ferndown.

Sounds pretty UKIP. I'll take it.

Bill Quango MP said...

Dorking boy, eh Malcolm?

Are you thinking of moving into movie producing or the rag trade Timbo?

Johnsmith-Raleigh Frobisher-Ferndown should get you into the Lords.

Jan said...

I am now Tanner Holt or is it Holt Tanner....sort of bog standard down to earth Tory

Peter S said...

And so...

Whitley Wansbeck. Doesn't sound too bad actually, might be better with a 'Sir' in front of it, eh?

andrew said...

St Nicholas Buckhurst-Keele

CityUnslicker said...

Rendalls Leeds

not sure what that tells anyone! but I do like the game!

hovis said...

I did switch its order but :

Alcuin Churchfields

Btw are you social data mining with this? :-)

Kynon said...

I am mildly confused by your explanation of the process, but I think that this makes me Arduthie Edinburgh {bemused}.

phil5 said...

Churchill Tiffin.

Hmm, sounds like a biscuit.

Bill Quango MP said...

Jan: Holt Tanner I think. Much more of a Private Investigator ring to it.

Peter S: Whitley Wansbeck. I'd join the Lib Dems. They'd love that name. And they stuff the House of Lords. You could be Lord Whitley of Wansbeck.

Andrew: The church is your route. Bishop St Nicholas Buckhurst-Keele.

CU: not sure what that tells anyone!
Well Cu, It tells us you an intern Mr Newlands Stanchester share a common schooling :-}

Nick Drew said...

Belmont Smith (Con)

well, that's what it says on the title deeds of the "constituency house"

cash accepted, brown envelopes to the usual pigeon-hole

Bill Quango MP said...

Hovis: Alcuin Churchfields. Sounds very Tory.

Btw are you social data mining with this? Not really. But it does give a clear social divide. The local state school I just passed gives me Matthew Arnold.

I already knew CU and Newlands Stanchester are of the same toff schooling.

Arduthie Edinburgh: kynon..Well only use the Uni if you have a decent college. Not many Magdalen's about yet are there? Otherwise house or formclass name. It works better with posher schools. Poly of London Two-Bee is only fit for left wing journos.

Phil5 - Churchill Tiffin was in Carry on up the Khyber wasn't he?

Barnacle Bill said...

I don't know if I'm Blues Wellington (Con) or, Wellington Blues (Lib/Dem)?
Maybe I'll just settle for Armley Broadmoor (Lab)!

Blue Eyes said...

I didn't go to an up-market university but my hall in first year pretended to be Oxbridge so I'll use that.

[St] Paul Hulme.

Kynon said...

BQ - In that case, I shall resign myself to being a state-school educated, non-collegiate university-educated oik! Pretty sure my school & uni arrangements don't lend themselves to this malarkey.

Demetrius said...

Holy Rat.

Janet said...

I'm Havant Hannover.
Sounds better with Lady in front.

Andy said...

I'm not posh enough for this.
Butler's 2TR3.

Labour. I suppose I'll have to be with a name like that.

John M Ward said...

I become (I think) Becket Hillcross-Canterbury (former Lib Dem, later Conservative, now independent right-wing).

Anthem said...

I don't understand the rules so I'm not playing.

As usual, I will just observe from the periphery while you lot play games.

Sebastian Weetabix said...

It doesn't work that well for Scots. I am St. Patrick Glasgow under this system.

idle said...

Looks like Barnacle Bill and I might have something in common.

I am Dragon Wellington-Normandy (No Overall Control)

idle said...

I could also be Stradling Talbot-Sandhurst, which has a nice ring to it. I'd like to be an Earl and sit as a Crossbencher, please.

Electro-Kevin said...

I would have been...

Panda Gorringe

Otherwise it's Form C Eastfields. Now you know why I've never gone into politics.

My senior school was not unlike the borstal in the film Scum so I'm lucky my name is not something like Georgie Licker, Sammy Messiah, James Quamina, Rudy Fung... all contemporaries in my class.

Brian Larter, Michael Todd, John Rouse, Carl Schneider (a year above) did remarkably well for themselves - so too Brian Gale (Wimbledon footballer)

E-K - Representing the lumpen proletariat party.

Bill Quango MP said...

Open google you wifi hating monster

Bill Quango MP said...

That's better.
Barnacle Bill. A friend of mine was a Wellington housemaster.

BE St Paul Hulme; sounds a bit Irish nationalist?

Kynon: nonsense! arduthie Edinburgh is a fine political name. SNP or scots Tories would jump at the ballot paper.

Demetrius: Holy Rat? Sounds like a good name for an independent standing on a professional NHS ticket.

Janet: Lady Hannover it is then.

Andy: I asked someone to find out. You were in a state school where the form name was the year and teacher initials and a class number? Very soviet. Might be better to take primary school name.

John M Ward. Canterbury and Beckett in the name.. The shires beckon.

Arnhem: just the name of your primary, middle school and college, uni or a form group. Tudor and Plantagenet was very popular in the 60s. Then the progressives went for colours. Yellow class. Blue class. Now it's wildlife in my local primary. Ms Quango would be Ursula Hedgehog MP.

Bill Quango MP said...

ND: Belmont was a Tudor Lord? Adversary of the Seymour's? I can't quite remember. Where is David Starkey when you need him?

Seb W : nope. Not going well. Thats what happens if you insist on your education system. No form groups? McDonald? Douglas? That's getting a bit aviation... Headmaster/mistress name?

Idle. Both good. I'd opt for the Normandy and try and claim descent from William I.

EK : Panda Goridge is sending you to a roubles Labour inner London borough with a diverse ethnic mix you'll need to grow a beard. On the upside you'll never be voted out no matter how useless or corrupt you become.
Schools today eh? Either harder than a cement sandwich or softer than a green's cloudspun handkerchief.

gsd said...

King Edward VI's school, Watt house so I'm either Edward Watt or just "Your Majesty"!

Anonymous said...

I went to school abroad, so I'm

King George V Jefferson {Monster Raving Looney?}

Sebastian Weetabix said...

@BQ: that just leads to more Saints! Or possibly 'Ginger Kelly' in between St. Patrick and Glasgow.

Which is why clever Orange bigots (there were plenty still around when I was young, happily there aren't many nowadays) would simply ask "what school did you go to?" Which was usually followed a few mins later by "ah, we've filled that vacancy"

One of the reasons the Clyde was so red was because the Conservative and Unionist Party was the preferred home of these people. It was curious to me upon moving to England how English Tories not only were completely unaware of this but horrified by it. I found that lack of sectarianism very refreshing to the point that these days I'm more likely to vote for them than not.

Anonymous said...

I went to a bunch of schools in both England and Scotland, and either there were no houses (and no form names beyond letters) or all the houses were named after colours. This includes grammar schools.

Prep school would be the same as a middle school I think, but north of Watford it's all primary schools.

I think I'd end up being Stoke Poges Blue?

Blue Eyes said...

In both my schools the "houses" didn't have proper names. At prep school it was trees (I think I was in Beech) and at big school it was letters. C Club for the win.

How does that affect me?

Pogo said...

That makes me "Queen Mary Hough"... Seeing as I'm a bloke it looks like I'll have to stand on behalf of the LGBT party. :-)

Bill Quango MP said...

BE: Cee Beech
or
Dee Maple
Or
Ash Eff ?

Not looking good. Maybe if you combine them all,

Ashcee Maple-Elmbeech - SWP

James Higham said...

[Chuckle] Can't give mine away - obscurity and all that.

assurance info said...

"" Take the name of your prep school or your House and public school House/school name -uni/college name, and there you are. {For those without the benefit of private education that's the school name and the assigned year group name. Otherwise you will all be truly socialised by having Year 4 as a first name.}
Tory backbench MP, Bill Quango. {William Quango until the late 90's, then it was all in hands in pockets and open neck shirts..Look at those boys above - you can almost hear the Housemaster - "Take your hands of your pockets! And see the barber! You like a footballer from Paraguay!- 10 demerits Johnson!"}""""

Topographie Beni Mellal said...

well said """ With the recent local elections thrusting many new people into local government, it might be time to consider finding the appropriate name to give yourself if you are tempted to climb the slippery pole.
To be a successful backbench MP requires a recognisable name.
Yasmin Qureshi, MP{lab} is not being invited onto Question Time anytime soon.

""

cours PDF said...

this is very interesting .. """ Bill Quango MP, could have been Bristow Sandringham.
And a check with the interns and the office staff, and their political allegiance, reveals

Ms Victoria Buckholm - {Con}
Mrs Melba Hollows - {Lib Dem}
Ms Amelia Alachua -{Green}
Ms Tudor Hurstwood - {Lib Dem}

Mr Newlands Stanchester - {Con}

Ms Ashbury Baguley-Hall {UKIP}
"""

Agence communication said...

really this is very interesting and very good "" Take the name of your prep school or your House and public school House/school name -uni/college name, and there you are. {For those without the benefit of private education that's the school name and the assigned year group name. Otherwise you will all be truly socialised by having Year 4 as a first name.}
Tory backbench MP, Bill Quango. {William Quango until the late 90's, then it was all in hands in pockets and open neck shirts..Look at those boys above - you can almost hear the Housemaster - "Take your hands of your pockets! And see the barber! You like a footballer from Paraguay!- 10 demerits Johnson!"}"""