Friday 16 December 2016

Innapropriate Christmas gifts

Well...we can't avoid it anymore . Christmas is here. Kids have finished and its the seven day shamble. Thursday and Friday have been disappointingly quiet. That either means that Monday will be unbelievably frantic...or its all over already.

So ..Christmas weekend comments please. BQ Industries has carried out our office poll of the most inappropriate or unwanted Christmas gifts that you have received or, worse, given out.

These aren't unwanted items. Or rubbish present or well meant crap such as a can of Harmony Hairspray or a tomato scented bath bomb from a small child. These are just ..well.. no one knows why anyone thought they might be suitable..

There is no doubt that men are particularly, indeed almost exclusively, insensitive to the desires of their spouses and girlfriends at this time of year. 
Struggling to think of anything whatsoever that their partner wears, uses, does, or says, men reach into the distant memory for something; anything that they can remember their loved one saying they ever wanted or needed.

And that's where the trouble starts.

Gifts for women
- A roof rack
- A hose for a vacuum cleaner
- A chopping board - {not a fancy one either - No Cox&Cox/White Company/Lakeland stuff here - all bog standard Asda/B&Q we are talking for all these items}
- A toilet roll holder - plastic.White with stick on pads. 
- Soap {again - just to reinforce here..its- not Jo Malone - we are talking Dove.}
- Sex toys {opened in front of the in-laws - classy}
- Plastic washing bin
- Ironing board cover
- incontinence pads.
- tea towels and dishcloths {legion stories abound} 
- Electric mop
- Floral, cardboard, desk tidy
- Bathroom scales
- Travel Iron {OK- that was me.}

Gifts For Men
- 200 flannels for wiping hands {like in an Indian restaurant}
- Gel Nails
- Pink foot exfoliator
- box of crackers
-  A javelin {he had no idea why.}

Anyone top that ?


Steven_L said...

A guy in our office actually bought his wife one of those 'whirly' washing line contraptions for Valentines Day on year, and yes, he is still married. Pots, pan and other kitchen utensils are what he buys his wife for xmas and birthdays every year.

Timbo614 said...

We never knew what we did or said to deserve two glasses, one in the shape of a woman with her tits sticking out the other (obviously!) a bloke with his todger sticking out. Quite crude they were. That they were from the wife's Mum....

Merry Christams to everyone on the blog! Hope you have a good one. I was just given a considerable bonus and raise as thanks for the past year of hard work. So bottoms up tonight (in a straight beer glass!) :)


Blue Eyes said...

Our family wish list system is breaking down because - shock horror - we are mostly comfortable enough that we tend to buy what we want as we decide we want it. This makes it pretty difficult. So this year my policy has not been to try to work out what people may like but to just buy nice things.

So my 70-something mum is getting a running watch. My brother is getting a designer baseball bat (South London).

A couple of years I bought my brother and his then-girlfriend some nice bottles of spirits on the grounds that their main shared interest seemed to be heavy drinking. It's not for me to try to encourage a healthy lifestyle...

Not sure we have ever done inappropriate gifts, unless you count the colours of shirts I have occasionally been given...!

Blue Eyes said...

"I was just given a considerable bonus and raise"

Despite Brexit??!??!

Nice one Timbo! Drinks are on you at the next C@W meetup :-D

Timbo614 said...

:) Despite brexit!

I have actually planned to come to two or three meetups and was determined this last one. Alas something always interferes I always endup in the wrong place... Last time I was still just north of Brighton at about 7PM. But I suppose that's why I get raises :)

James Higham said...

Roof rack sounds best.

Scan said...

From my mother:

Two framed photographs...of my own car...that I'd taken the week the request of mother. "Because it's really lovely".

Nick Drew said...

- Gel Nails
- Pink foot exfoliator
- box of crackers
- A javelin {he had no idea why.} Anyone top that ?

You are just hallucinating BQ - take some holiday

Electro-Kevin said...

A workmate gets his wife a Next voucher every year. "Oi troid t' buy 'er 'n aitfit once 'n she took it back. So nai shi's NIVARR dis-a-poin-tid !"

Bill Quango MP said...

Nick Drew said...

- Gel Nails
- Pink foot exfoliator
- box of crackers
- A javelin {he had no idea why.} Anyone top that ?

You are just hallucinating BQ - take some holiday

The electric, diamante studded pink foot scrapper thing was a gift to me from Mrs Quango.
I must confess, I have occasionally used it.

Bill Quango MP said...

Scan - We get joint presents now. Which really means they are presents for Mrs Q.
One year it was photo frames. As I'm pretending to be excited I noticed the display picture that comes with the frames is identical to one in my nan's flat.

When i went round there next i asked her why, nestled amongst the various photo framed children, grandchildren brother and sisters, etc was this display picture. Nan said "That's your cousin Sheena..In America.."

I thought maybe cousin Sheena had been a child photographer's model. But far more likely was that Nan had been given the frames from 'cousin Sheena's mum and dad' as a gift and had just assumed the child in the picture was theirs.

Blue Eyes said...

Timbo we were north of Brighton as well :)

dearieme said...

Buy a spouse a bottle of jolly good Madeira, sweetish or dryish according to taste. Lovely stuff, and doesn't go off quickly after opening, in contrast to sherry.

auralay said...

A couple of years ago all my wife, a keen gardener, wanted was a year's supply of well rotted horse manure. She had skellies and going as well but I was able to boast that I bought her alike of shit for Christmas.

auralay said...

Bloody predictive text! Smellies and bling.