Friday 8 December 2017

Euro Fudge Brexit Bake-Off results

In the first round of the Brexit bake-off Euro challenge, the contestants were set a keen challenge.

They had to bake an enormous Euro Fudge brownie, first by developing the recipe but then, in a standard test designed to increase ratings, they were only allowed to turn the oven on with 15 minutes to go - thereby guaranteeing an exciting end to this first half of the series - but of course, we have no final winner as yet

In testing conditions, the main contestants worked hard:

- Keen Irish labourer, Leo "Vrad" McPaddy, tested his pink French fancy recipe late in the day with near disastrous results. But all came good, with the icing applied just in the nick of time to cover what was in reality an empty shell of fudge.

- The Belgian chocolatier, Mr Willy Junker, struggled with his whisky flavoured fudge, insisting on keeping his recipe unchanged despite complaints from many tasters that it was unpalatable. Eventually the final product, with only minor modifications, appears have sold well.

- UK stalwart, Theresa Maybecake, struggled in getting her recipe at all, it either all hard or all soft fudde. In a major panic towards the end of the show, having had her had fudge spilled by Vrad, she loaded up with soft fudge - and in doing so, has won great acclaim to take into the second half of the series.

Stay tuned fudge fans, there is plenty more on the way!


Electro-Kevin said...

Surprised you didn't mention soggy bottoms, of which there are a few.

V.good post.

Sebastian Weetabix said...

Seems to me we're leaving in name only.

Time to sharpen the pitchfork.

Electro-Kevin said...

My best friend is recently divorced and is a doppleganger for Paul Hollywood.

The totty interest in him is simply unbelievable. It's no surprise that the real Mr Hollywood has strayed.

(I look like a pound shop Sean Connery now. Good thing I'm not in the running.)

Anonymous said...

No need to sharpen pitchforks. No need to do anything.

- don't pay the BBC licence
- don't vote Tory
- don't pay tax where you can avoid it
- don't pay parking/speeding fines

They cannot prosecute 17 million of us.

We can be more powerful than terrorists simply by not doing things.

Anonymous said...

HM Civil Service guide to Eurospeak:

Divorce Bill = We're not married, but we're giving them £40 billion anyway, for nothing.
Our obligations = EU blackmail
Our legal and moral obligations = EU blackmail with a smiley face
Regulatory alignment = All EU laws still in operation. Lots of jobs for civil servants.
Regulatory convergence = All future EU laws will be implemented. Lots more jobs for us.
Irish border = Surrender to the Fenian, but who cares, it's a long way from Whitehall.
ECJ = Our permanent overlords. Magna Carta to be shredded.
ECHR = Keeps the lawyers happy, too.

Ollie and Jeremy have fixed it! Drinks all round at the Civil Service Club.
The bar tab is on the British taxpayer.

Steven_L said...

If we come out of this with our own fisheries, able to do our own trade deals and able to have a different immigration policy toward different member states it'll be a good deal.

If they can still plunder our waters, control the tariffs on our imports and we still can't deny Romanians he right to work and claim benefits it'll be a bad deal.

What's the betting?

Nick Drew said...

@ SL: it's a fudge! the September hostage-deadline was a fudge, and so was the December - and quite a tasty one, too: salted caramel if I'm not much mistaken

We won't know those answers for many moons to come

Equally, I imagine we won't be parting with all that money for quite a while either ...

All depends on how we use the time, of course. But if I was that Irish Leo chap, I'd privately be a lot less happy than he's making out: peak influence for him has come and gone

Taoiseach Leo Varadkar has said the Brexit deal between the European Union and the UK, which was announced in Brussels, has achieved "what we sought to achieve ...rock solid and cast iron ... politically bulletproof"

oh yeah? that's not the way Europe works, matey

Bill Quango MP said...

Excellent CU

Nick Drew said...

Guido's gone quiet, I see: Rupe can't have figured out the party line yet

looks like today's deal caught him off balance, just like it did Labour

dunno why: we called it on Tues - all the signs were there

K said...

Seems like a decent deal to me except nothing has actually been agreed so how exactly are we going to leave the customs union but there will be no hard border?

I think it also weakens the EU's position. They've been saying that what the UK wants is completely impossible but they have now agreed that it's mostly achievable. The media paints it as the EU being charitable but how is that any different to caving in?

Electro-Kevin said...

"Brexit means Biscuit"

Crumbly and flakey.

We must have all misheard the woman.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Nick ....

Fudge 1 : The EU doesn't work that way but neither does the Supreme Court. This comment about the SC having "due regard to ECJ" is balls. The SC can read over ECJ judgments if they are applicable but they can only have due regard to UK Parliament and it's legislation. So Parliament would have to say "follow the ECJ" before the SC would take notice. And even then the SC can decide it is not.

Fudge 2: And Gove has nailed it. One Parliament cannot bind another so over the next few Parliamentary cycles whoever is in power can harden or soften Brexit according to voters' wishes. We'll have decades of these arguments. So everything to play for in the next GE. Brexit has been kicked into the long grass.

Anonymous said...

Pity, hard Brexit looks ever more appealing. We shall see.

"everything to play for in the next GE"

Corbyn/McDonnell can't nationalise anything in the Single Market, so in a scrap twixt them and the Blairites they must be supported. It seems almost impossible to imagine May staying on, but who one earth could succeed her? The Tories have as many "agents of foreign (EU) influence" as Labour do, could they unite around a candidate committed to UK self-determination, and who could that be?

Corbyn needs to prepare for power, as I can't see a Tory win at present*, and that means trying to sideline as many Keir Starmers and Ben Bradshaws as possible.

Still, there's always "events, dear boy".

Anonymous said...

Once you get a Marxist regime in power, it will be there for decades.

Don't expect them to run fair elections. Opposition parties will be banned from standing.

They may well take a cue from Maduro and set up a "People's Congress".

Don Cox

Jan said...

I don't know about fudge.....I think it's more of a gooey sticky mess with a runny bottom....