Friday 9 July 2021

Friday Fun: All projection is reflection

 Absolutely the worst thing happening this week is the adoption of the England Football team by all and sundry. 

Heaven know we have needed a good news story for a while and here one is. But this weekend is going to see an ocean of pixels and newsprint devoted to "Why England's success means...." and what comes after will surely be whatever the pet subject is that the author normally bangs on about ad infinitum. 

Here are my ideas for what we might want to avoid reading:

"Why England's success shows a new emergence of left-wing patriotism"

"Why England's success shows the positive of conservative patriotism"

"Why England's success can only happen outside of the EU"

"Why England's success shows Boris is a bad leader"

"Why England's success shows Boris is a good leader" 

"Why England's success shows immigration is good"

I mean, all of the above I have either read or know I am going to be asked to read in the near future. It is a tedious part of the new click-bait media culture that see churnalists just use whatever the new bandwagon is to keep their own views going. No one I see is using it to change their established and set views on the world which seems to be the norm these days, unfortunately. 

So as a task for the readers over the weekend, I have some work for you. Below are some heroically bad takes, even worse than the above. Can your precis an article for them for 100 words in the comments, even better if some moron's write them and you can post links to them...

"Why England's success is a prelude to the green revolution"

"What England's success tells us about capitalism" 

"Why England's success is good/bad for LGBT issues"


Anonymous said...

Why England's success means better predictions from CityUnslicker!

Bill Quango MP said...

Gareth Southgate has a long career in writing ahead of him.

“The waistcoat in fashion through the ages.”
“”The art of the Kneel”
“Steady Eddy and deathly silence.”

Win or lose, Gareth Southgate, never my own personal choice for the job, has done wonders. He is the first England manager I can see since Glenn Hoddle who knows not just what he wants the players to do.but how to get them to do it. He has kept the media circus under control

. I do not know the name of Sterling’s wife or girlfriend. Or Kane’s. Or any of them. The hype is manageable.
He has done far more with far less than many England managers before him.

That is what should be written about. Just how he has made winning the match the most important part of his plan. Not how many goals. How to accommodate sixteen world class midfielders.

Just work out a way to win the game.

The Grealish decision alone proves he knows what he is doing.

Even if it is a far more nervous and cautious way of getting it done.

dearieme said...

England's success heralds a new popularity for Olympic diving.

England's success heralds an end to veganism.


England's failure caused by jittery goalkeeper/bad referee/cheating Italians/evil Tories/climate change. Especially climate change.

Anonymous said...

CU, how do you manage it? No sooner had I finished reading your post, I then visited the Speccie site and the most recent article meets your criteria perfectly:
Any forecast for Sunday's scoreline?

Nick Drew said...

@ The Grealish decision alone proves he knows what he is doing

Absolutely! I was awestruck. That's cold, well-considered decision-making, in its trivial way almost worthy of Wellington.

Even better, Grealish (said to be a moody b****r) clearly took it exactly in the right way: the Boss is Trusted, and maybe even his intent understood - more marks of a good commander

djm said...

Good to see some of the - continental - media frotting themselves over the England/Denmark result.........

Nick Drew said...

task for the readers - ooh, we love a challenge ...

"Why England's success is a prelude to the green revolution"

For the greater good, every England team member selflessly turned his back on the six-figure-per-week salary. He knew it was unsustainable. So he accepted a tiny appearance fee - cheerfully donated to charity! – and went on to do what everyone thought was impossible!!

So when Joe Public (she/hers) is asked to make her own huge sacrifices in order to achieve “net zero carbon”, we know she’ll accept her former beef-munching, CO2-belching lifestyle can’t go on, and will happily live in a cave eating only seaweed-based proteins. Yes, those “impossible” carbon-targets are coming home!!!
(93 words)

andrew said...

Why englands success is the first step in fhe rebirth of the british empire.

As we all now understand, the success of the english football team is all due to one person - gareth southgate. The manager. This manager was not born from the bowels of that franco-american invention, the MBA school or from the franco-chinese institution of upper middle class parents and an elite university.
Gareth is born of the true anglo-germanic tradition of kicking something again and again and again (anglo) and through practical experience, long philosophical introspection and deep experiental knowledge of the subject, and a plan (germanic) has performed so much better than any leader since churchill.
He is the vanguard of a new generation of leaders who will lead us away from the failed penalty shoot outs of the past and guide us towards the sunny uplands of having cake and eating it.

Or at least basic honesty and competance.

Anonymous said...

It has started...........

Over to you, Mr. Cliche.

E-K said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
E-K said...

I could write one on why England's success is good for Marxism.

I was inspired when Southgate broke the curse by saying "Previous losses are irrelevant to this generation. Most weren't born then."

lilith said...

OT Whilst we celebrate the Diversity and Inclusion gains inherent in England's victories thus far New Zealand is lost altogether.

a) They leave 5 eyes
b) They send a man to represent women in the Olympics
c) They torture this woman with solitary confinement for three weeks because she refused a pcr test. An entire hotel of people let it happen. It made me weep. I am no longer proud to be a Kiwi. I doubt I will ever return.

dearieme said...

"Covid: Can the arts lead the green recovery from the pandemic?"

Is football an art? On mi 'ead, Fred.

Matt said...

"Why England's success doesn't matter to those with better things to do than watch overpaid pricks kick a bag of wind"?

E-K said...

I disagree, Matt. These guys have reached to top of a huge and highly competitive pyramid. I just wish our fans were better behaved. I'm amazed that the laser incident couldn't get our squad disqualified.

Matt said...

@ E-K

Disagree about what? The overpaid part or the pricks part? I could sorta agree with the former (top of the tree takes all the spoils) but not the latter.

Plus, that wasn't the point - it was more about the "Who gives a fuck?".

Jan said...

OK I'll bite:

"What England's success tells us about capitalism"

England's team are all capitalists at work (see what I did there?). They've worked very hard to reach the top of their game as has their manager. No-one can dispute that. It could be argued though that unfettered capitalism can lead us in what could be considered the wrong direction. The amount of capital absorbed by professional football is enormous. It provides jobs for many people but should we be spending so much on a bunch of guys whose job is kicking a ball around? (86 words)

PS I'm getting ready to duck

E-K said...

*we* don't spend anything on these guys, only the fans do.

OK. My bit.

Cheats. A dive gets a penalty, then laser the goalie - having already jeered the Dane's national anthem.

I'm not proud of that at all.

But... the Marxist's view:

- Taking the knee has brought the England team luck - we must carry on doing it. In fact if you do not do it you are unpatriotic.

- We crushed a perfectly lovely and harmless kid's supporting video without so much as a squeak from the England squad. The country is ripe for the taking.

- We have commentators and pundits dancing on hot coals and can have players suspended by Twitter.

- Minds are taken off the Covid oppression and the surge in cases as a result of crowd shenanigans will result in further lockdown.