Wednesday 26 November 2014

EU to investment taxpayers money in Pyramid schemes

A new one of these would be a good tourist attraction in St Ives
This is great news for infrastructure fraudsters in the EU - masses of new money for them to take from European taxpayers.

A jubilant Jean-Claude Junker has today announced a huge lump of money, 15x smaller than the announced €315 bn (that number is plucked out of thin air using something call a 15x multiplier) to fund fraudsters everywhere.

This is how it will work. A company, let's call it Happio, will say they are going to build a nice windfarm in Southern Spain. They will get an Euro guarantee which they can take to the bank to fund the windfarm. The bank will lend them €100m. Against this, if there is any loss, the EU will take the first €20 million odd.

The project begins, but there are delays and cost overruns because the contractors who won the tender are raping all the money they can and are giving massive backhanders to Happio for winning the contract. Also, planning was only secured after a hefty bribe to the Planning dept so the who project finance was never going to work anyway.

So, after a few years, it is wound up. Losses, €20 million. Oh well, the private banks have not really lost and its only the EU. There are now plenty of wealthy Spaniards but no windfarm.

This will happen in every EU country, including the UK.

So, dear readers, anyone with any wildly ambitious infrastructure investment plans that we can get working on.....

13 comments:

Steven_L said...

Isn't ND always saying it would cost a billion or so to convert an old north sea gas field into a storage facility?

With Russia carrying on like they are this could be an easy sell?

Bags I in charge of the recruitment subcontractor.

Bill Quango MP said...

Bags I do marketing

Nick Drew said...

Quorum! I will be issuing share certs in the next day or so, brown paper envelopes to theusual address

Timbo614 said...

Does it matter?
Yes a few people get backhanders - happens anyway.

In the meantime, while the euro-economy "heals" lots of Spaniards get a wage, The Spanish (Or UK even) get to collect taxes. The workers spend/save their money... it's a new new new deal where the only losers are those with the money tress and those trees always sprout again the next year. What not to like. It's not even "real" money just credit :)

Timbo614 said...

Oh I forget to add.. I know a nice little tech consultancy who can sort the 'puters for you.. put me down for a share I'll need a nice fat salary too until busting day. YBGIBG...

dearieme said...

I'm an old hydrocarbons man. Put my consulting firm down as Technical Supremo. We can do mathematical modelling for you too.

Anonymous said...

Something in the Basque or Catalan regions of Spain I think, that way can get a nice holiday home for free - of course I mean foster Anglo-Spanish relations, whilst showing independence-minded regions the benefits of maintain strong ties to a greater entity... At least that's what should appear on the proposal!

Bill Quango MP said...

EU loves Spanish airports.
But got a bit burned on the corruption. Might be resistant to more.

I say, let's rope in EK and put in a bif for a futuristic-high speed train between for whatever the Catalan equivalent of Shellbyville and Springfield is.

Monorail .. monorail .. MONORAIL!!

Diogenes said...

If you check the shareholder register and director list of any of these companies in the UK you will see a trail leading back to the HoL or the HoP.

You could make it your Friday competition to see how many hops to the HoP.

hovis said...

I see no reason to thnk this is any different to how things have been for many year ...

Diogenes - excellent point it's all rather like thinking your own farts dont smell as much as others ...

Steven_L said...

I've had the adverts for 100 workpersons to stand around in high vis jackets translated into every EU and several African dialects.

This was more troublesome than anticipated due to the high rates the oil and gad industry pay for translators up here and the resultant skills shortages. I'll be submitting an invoice for £47,372.56 on Monday.

In the meantime, can anyone help me out with the procurement of 300 high vis jackets (need M, L and XL and don't know what size the applicants will be yet), 600 pairs steel toe caps (ditto, sizes 6 - 11) and some hard hats?

Try as I might I can't find any suitable suppliers that have the appropriate equalities and environmental policies in place.

Shameless said...

Reminds me of the days when we used to obtain grants from good old 'Uncle Ken' Livingstone and the GLC. My favourite was the Bishops Avenue Ethnic Diversity Project, for which we obtained £10,500. In 1984 that was decent money (- a rather nice Ford Granada in fact).

The project worked really well. Bishops Avenue now boasts a very diverse community of (absentee) owners.

Not all of my projects were quite such resounding successes. But Ken and his mate Lee Jasper were never less than generous, and they never seemed to mind whether the schemes worked or not. In fact, now I think about it, he never asked!

Demetrius said...

Thurso to Fort William HST? All by tunnel to avoid spoiling the lovely views of all the windmills.