Does it matter? Possibly not. But the election for the next Chancellor at Oxford is seriously bringing the game into disrepute.
Back in the mists of time, when Harold Macmillan popped his socks, yours truly - who had passed through but not bothered to take his degrees - rushed to take both[1] at the first opportunity, in order to be eligible to vote to prevent the awful prospect of Harold Wilson becoming Chancellor. Roy Jenkins got the gig.
Now that Fatty Peng[2] has run his course, we are faced with a candidate list of 38! And what a list - including a bunch of chancers and self-publicists the likes of which have rarely been assembled at the same time and place. But where is the much-heralded candidature of Imran Kahn, I hear you say? Ans: the full list of applicants was more than 60 - there has been a committee exercise in order to filter the race down to manageable proportions! FFS, who else applied? Prince Andrew? Gary Glitter? A late entry from Mohamed Al-Fayed?
I leave you all to scan the list of candidates' statements, with this challenge: select your favourite short piece(s) of arrant BS from this ghastly collection, and let us have them BTL. By heaven, we're spoiled for choice.
ND
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[1] Literally, back-to-back. Out one door; change of gown; straight in again for the next one. If anyone's interested in such stories.
[2] He did the job OK. But he could never be stopped from promoting his wretched books whenever he made a set-piece speech. I mean - on trestle tables, piled high, and an underling armed with a credit-card reader. Really tacky!
35 comments:
I've worked in two British universities. Prince Philip was my permanent Chancellor.
Who the Chancellors were in my Commonwealth universities I have no idea. But I assume we had them.
I've only got as far as the second one, below in full. Presumably this chappie applies to every single job opportunity he ever reads about. FFS!
"Dear Oxford Admin,
Thanks for providing us this opportunity. I am really grateful for this kind and humble gensture. I am Hasanat currently a Doctoral Scholar in Applied Linguistic in Minhaj University Lahore. Along my teaching experience i have also expertise in administration, examining and admissions. I am also affiliated with many Linguistics international and national organization and working with them as a honorary person. I am interested for your advertised position and i can work honorary for this position to provide my best services in all aspects of education and research.
Thanks for your time."
Is this the Oxford University that is in India?
Guardian's bigging up Casely-Hayford, on the grounds of her skin colour.
"in the near millennia Oxford has been teaching, it has not yet appointed a female or Chancellor of colour and that should change starting now" - she thinks so too.
Certainly born to the ruling class, admittedly of Ghana.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casely-Hayford
ABM - anyone but Mandelson
I see the disclaimers prior to the statements include "the University cannot guarantee their factual accuracy".
Just wondering - did they include that in previous elections, prior to Mandelson offering his candidature?
Another gem.
"I am practicing lawyers and believe on humanity, equality, skills and development of education through new research and team work. I have 27 years work experience with different departments and learns from my mistakes. I believe that I am well and fit person for this job"
Off topic, but why have we got so many RAF aircraft (3 I can see, 2 tankers and a Beechcraft) tootling round Israel and Akrotiri?
Anon, we always do: Cyprus is an asset sans pareil.
The interesting qn is: why are they flying 'open' and not 'dark'? Ans: because they want to be seen.
ND - I guess I think we should be staying the hell out.
I live on the flight path between the States and Fairford. There've been a few "dark" flights overhead recently.
In fact an RAF Typhoon from Akrotiri has just gone dark approaching the Syrian border ENE of Iskanderun, from Turkish airspace. Not that Flightradar pings are always reliable, seen some very odd stuff lately.
Where's Jim Hacker when you want him? There again, he did hammer the sherberts more than somewhat, in that brilliant episode...
Here's another.
"Having had the honour of being elected as the first ever Asian / Indian origin Mayor of Bracknell Forest, Berkshire in 2022-23 provided me with a deep insight into the inner workings of the political establishment. I believe it is important to have this understanding to anticipate and plan for potential impacts to the university. All my efforts and my actions are inspired by an extremely strong appreciation of a divine power bigger than me or any living being."
Bracknell Forest, eh? We are not worthy!
OTOH the "serious" contender CVs make me shudder too.
Damn! If only I'd known I'd have applied.
A pal once applied for a Chair at Oxford. He told the Electors "If you already have a candidate whom you favour please bin my application. But if you need a stop-gap for a couple of years I'm your man."
I suggested to him that his use of "man" probably doomed his application.
The gift that keeps giving.
"Many Oxford staff and alumni want to see fairer treatment of animals. My second book (under edit), discusses rights law and animals, drawing on my Masters in International Human Rights Law. I will call for more plant-based college dining options."
All seems a bit vulgar to me. A bit like those 'Artist's Statements' put up by council art exhibitions, some c$%p never to be looked at. Just ask a few people who matter and then tap the shoulder.
I thought the candidates statements fell into 3 layers - the no hopers applying for the job of bog cleaner, the smarmy blighters who have a sheaf of CVs and move in the right circles and then the very rare 'interesting' application. The Chinese person, Wang Xingang caught my eye, if only for the mischievous possibilities.
I don't suppose it really matters who, but ABM!
RAF Typhoon plus tanker over Israel now, between Jerusalem and Gaza heading for Hebron. What in God's name are we doing there?
Which God? What name?
Perhaps "a divine power bigger than me or any living being" ?
(see Bracknell Forest Anon @ 8:46 above)
I think it's a long time, and a lot of lost power, since the Third Battle of Gaza. Even then we could raise a dozen Be2cs and Martinsyde "Elephant" long range fighters.
Now ONE Brit fighter has to have a great big tanker accompaniment. Only needs someone to smuggle in one decent surface to air missile.
I saw a lot of Ospreys flying around Cyprus when I was there a couple of weeks back.
"Back in the mists of time, when Harold Macmillan popped his socks, yours truly - who had passed through but not bothered to take his degrees - rushed to take both[1] at the first opportunity, in order to be eligible to vote to prevent the awful prospect of Harold Wilson becoming Chancellor. "
No, I can't vote as I never collected my 3.3 degree (The "Gentleman's Degree" as Clive James told me face to face, " - that and a Summa Cum Laude the only Oxford degrees worth having, bless him. The Grateful Dead turned up in my finals term so...
Not that it made any difference, just saying you had an Oxford degree was enough.
And were I able to vote, I would be voting against whoever, rather than for a specific candidate; until Oxbridge is purged of Woke, they are lost.
That goes for the rest of "academia" as well. Why are we funding this toxic nonsense? Another matter that the sodding "Conservatives" completely refused to deal with.
I was there when Mac had his Encaenia; already wheelchair bound, the post whatever feast was held at St. Catz., making him the only PM I have ever seen, present or past. Though Golda Meir turned up once.
IIRC Harold ended up chancellor of Bradford, which wasn't a bad uni on the 70s. I read in the local press that the main bar in the Union is no longer serving alcohol. The past is (literally in the UK's case) another country.
100% OT, a Russian asks and answers "why is state procurement of weapons so expensive?" ND I think might be interested. Any UK parallels?
"People are sincerely perplexed. Why can't the Ministry of Defense, which manages trillions of rubles, finance our small-scale production? Why do people themselves (at their own expense and through private donations) produce and supply the troops with the necessary equipment?
Let me explain. Why can't the Ministry of Defense buy the same machine gun mounts in Pervouralsk? Because peacetime legislation is in effect. Pervouralsk will never receive a state defense order from the Ministry of Industry and Trade. And Pervouralsk will never sign up for a state defense order. And it would be right to do so. And those guys who are now making machine gun boxes for us, and those who make tank DZ - they won't sign up either. Although they make the same Relikt for 19 thousand rubles, while the Research Institute of Steel foists it on the Ministry of Defense for 70 thousand.
I'll tell you how it works. In a nutshell.
You receive a state defense order, do the work. All for your own money. The state will transfer you the amount stipulated by the contract after the state defense order is fulfilled to a special budget account opened in your name. However. In order to transfer the money to your bank account after the work is completed, you must endure a rigorous audit. It's a pretty tedious legal procedure. I've had clients like that. We coped, of course, but we ate our fill of shit by the tablespoonful.
Then, since the money is budgetary, you are also checked by the Accounts Chamber and law enforcement agencies in the hope of finding a reason to initiate a criminal case. There were cases: criminal cases were initiated allegedly due to overpricing - somewhere you bought metal at a higher price than the average market price, but from a trusted supplier. Somewhere mechanics were paid a salary one and a half times higher than the industry average. You can't explain to them that only clumsy people get paid the industry average, and highly qualified specialists have to be bought at a high price. I've had clients like that too. They got real terms.
Next. For state defense procurement, it is necessary to maintain separate accounting: that is, the accounting staff must be doubled. And the legal department too.
In short. You can play these games of chance with the state, but... only if your last name is Vrotenberg, and you are a person close to the Emperor. And this means that all the players there are big shots. Sharks. There is no place for innovation, private initiatives, no freedom for popular creativity and for non-standard engineering and design solutions. There is the most solid and the most shitty feudalism there.
Laws and law enforcement practices in peacetime greatly harm the active army during war, unfortunately. IMHO, during war, you need to declare war, and not play at "your own", and introduce new emergency temporary laws based solely on considerations of military expediency: everything for the front! Wreckers and saboteurs - to the tribunal!"
I once needed an academic gown so off to a shop I went.
The assistant found one the right size and then asked "Have you taken your MA yet, sir?" "No." From nowhere he produced a pair of scissors and snipped off two little black ribbons. These he rolled up, securing them with elastic bands, and handed to me. "When you've taken your MA, sir, you will sow these back on." Then he reflected on the "you" and added "or you may be married by then."
I suppose some people take all this fol-de-rol seriously but I never could - though I would not deny others their pleasure.
It always seems a bit of a chiz getting a gratis Masters at Oxbridge. Our son's cost us around 13k plus a years's rental!
Anon 3:08pm, the "logic" behind it is that if you are so smart that you can get an Oxon BA, you'd also get an MA anyway. £10 last time I heard though it's probably gone up. The only other person I know other than me, who got a 3.3 bought an MA I know. But then he was a complete charlatan anyway, it turned out. But that's another story 😉
A pal read maths at Edinburgh, taking a BSc. If, in his second year, he had not taken Physics and Mathematical Physics courses, and had replaced them by, say, Latin or French, and Philosophy of Science or Logic, he could have chosen to graduate with an MA instead of a BSc.
You might argue that it's all the johnny-come-lately universities that have chosen to wander off the path of the MA as used in the ancient Scottish and English universities.
Most odd. One of my offspring "intercalated" on a medic course and 1 year's not very intensive work (compared with medicine) produced a BSc in "Global Health".
Anon @ 11:28: Russian procurement
That account is doubtless accurate as far as it goes, and my heart goes out to anyone suffering from bureaucracy (many a great services co won't do biz with HMG or indeed any govt, EC etc, for buro-reasons)
BUT it handily omits the special Russian aspect of gross embezzlement, which we've talked about before**. 'Gross' is, if anything, an understatement. Maybe 'wholesale'. They even have a name for a crime that means effectively "embezzlement over and above the usual".
You can read the 'radios' story below. Since then, there has been a spectacular Ukr hit on a Russian ammo depot that produced an explosion akin to a small nuke. The facility in question was brand new, supposedly made of bomb-proof high-tech concrete bunkers, meant to be proof against a NATO attack, FFS, let alone a leedle Ukr home-made drone, opened with great ceremony. And ... kerboom!
Everyone in Russia immediately assumed it had been built of cardboard, with the money saved going to the general who was in charge of the project.
________
** e.g. http://www.cityunslicker.co.uk/2024/06/general-popov-2-corruption-in-russia.html , http://www.cityunslicker.co.uk/2024/07/frontline-phone-ban-parody-of-russian.html
BAs, MAs etc: a very good friend of mine, having seen schoolsmen go through the trauma of finals and deciding that wasn't for him, simply finished his studies in his final term, packed up, went home - and enjoyed a solid career in the City saying merely "I read history at Oxford". Claims he never once lied, and was never once asked for proof.
I was one of those he watched go through the trauma! But I've never been asked for proof either. (Though I believe that's changed ...)
A student once asked me for help because someone (USA? NZ? I can't remember) had rejected his degree certificate because it was in Latin. I phoned the relevant university office to ask if they had a standard English translation. "Oh no", said the old dear, "it is already in the language of scholarship."
So I had to do the translation for him myself. God, I hate Latin but it did have the advantage of medieval Latin i.e. it used the English word order because the author had obviously been thinking in English and then translated it into Latin.
The student got his visa/job/scholarship - whatever it was - so the translation had been accepted. Probably they had nobody on their staff equipped to check it.
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