Mandelson, document-release ... and Polly Toynbee

So what to make of the latest state of play over Mandy?

I'd say it's really clear: Team Starmer is utterly determined to tough this out, and they reckon they can do it: their man is no conscience-stricken wimp, likely to flake on them one fine morning.   Grim determination is no guarantee of success, of course: but (a) it is at least a necessary condition of success; and (b) these are scheming, desperate people with a lot of levers available to them.

> the way things developed in Parliament on Wednesday shows that Team S's going-in point was to resist document disclosure, period.  They were thwarted procedurally by the unholy alliance of Badenoch + Rayner, but we know what is plainly their aim: not to release docs. 

> they are 'framing' like crazy to the media, and it still largely gets swallowed whole.  As well as "It's all about Mandelson's lies - to my staff (not me, of course)" and "I wanted to release the docs yesterday" (see previous post), we read: 

• "There will be no leadership challenge, because ... [Rayner = tax dodger, still under investigation // Burnham = disqualified // Streeting = Mandelson-best-buddy // etc]." 

• "PC Plod has a serious point about not prejudicing their investigation / potential charges being brought."   

• "So-oo many docs - this is going to take months and months."   

Etc etc.  Yup, they are going for that oldest, most intellectually dismal, most sordidly shameless  tactic of all: playing for time - and it's often successful.  Let me give you a recent parallel: a case I have been reading up lately from my own patch (energy).  A big corporate - Drax plc - had a run-in with an employee-whistleblower whom Drax fired, and who brought an employment case, early in March last year.  Halfway through the unusually lengthy Employment Tribunal, they settled: by all accounts it amounted to a capitulation by Drax.  Meejah organisations sought release of the court documents - which, had the case continued, they'd have had access to, it was a public hearing.  Drax has stonewalled for nearly eleven months, only finally releasing the docs under a court order at the end of Jan.  And even now, the docs are (a) not the complete set, and (b) in some cases, heavily redacted (on the usual grounds: "commercial sensitivity / privacy / yadder yadder").  In which time Drax has managed to secure 4 more years of juicy new subsidy, and a 40% increase in its share price, from which many execs will benefit materially, in cash.

If a corporation can behave like that, how much more easily can HMG, with all the resources of the State and the added killer pretext of "national security" (see below)?  My prediction: we ain't gonna get anything much before those May elections - and we'll never get anything they truly don't want us to see.  

Which brings us to La Toynbee, whose general run of risible Guardian offerings is occasionally but reliably punctuated with something half-worthwhile.  Here's her latest.  You need to look past the usual fatuous fawning - the idea that Starmer is "a decent PM" (she once idolised Gordon Brown, too - and Tony Blair before him) to get to the blunt & forthright expression of utter disgust at the "send-him-to-the-Tower treachery and treason".  And here's a little nugget (my emphasis): 

... he gave a wretched display of it in the Commons with a fatal attempt to hold back some vital documents on Mandelson’s vetting and appointment. Never mind that it was for sincere security reasons – mainly fear of what abuse of the US president the papers might contain – Starmer failed to measure the ferocity of the storm on his own benches

That Trump angle  -  another subtle bit of Team Starmer framing?  Well, maybe: but it's a neat idea I hadn't seen aired elsewhere.

My prediction stands: many months of Strategic Starmer Stonewalling to come.  Don't change your New Year predictions for 'name of PM on 24.12.2026' just yet awhile.  Meantime - more popcorn!

ND

UPDATE: her Gruaniad colleague Aditya Chakrabortty slaps down La Toynbee's characterisation of Starmer as a 'decent PM'. 

The refrain that Starmer is a “decent” man does not fit his record of deceiving his way to the top of the Labour party, sitting on his hands during the massacre in Gaza or clamping down on protest against it.  

Oh, those feuding Graun writers !

Would he, wouldn't he? Yes, "Burnham Would"

Sorry, but the Macbeth idiom is irresistible.  Presumably, after a full week of letting it be understood that any move by Burnham would be stopped dead in its tracks by the NEC, the Mcsweeney coven was hoping that he is

... not without ambition, but without / The illness should attend it

But no: whichever witches our Andy encountered on Newton Heath knew their man better: 

When you durst do it, then you were a man

The Mcsweeney bluff was in truth a really easy one to call.  So they block Burnham tomorrow: what chance then, for whatever hapless stooge Labour puts up in the by-election?  "I know you all really wanted Andy ... but I'm hoping you'll support me now ..."  A great rallying cry indeed, with only the thin chance of a haphazard but possibly lucky 3-way split to save Gorton & Denton for Labour.  

Shakespeare again: let's imagine Mcsweeney's day-dream.  The scene is some darkened Labour office in Manchester: Mcsweeney has Burnham marched in, sits him down, offers him a cup of instant coffee and says

Yeah, right, in his dreams.  For, (at dearieme's suggestion BTL) Burnham replies:

                      That's all you've got?  Thou knave, thou dunce inane

                      Starmer will rue the day he gave you rein! 

Great spectator sport.  Amusing, too, to see Miliband's response for the cameras yesterday, impishly saying Burnham would be "a massive asset" in Parliament and that he hoped Gorton and Denton party members would have "the option" of selecting him as a candidate.   He also hopes, of course, that Burnham would make him Chancellor.

More popcorn!

ND

© Nick Drew 2026

Mayor Burnham! - may I deign to call you Andy?

We all do have the high'st regard for you 

She's breached the Code (with apologies to Macca)

 Yes, the usual apologies to Paul McCartney ...

[four bars of plaintive harp music]

Friday morning at five o’clock as the day begins 
One final glance round the smart Whitehall flat  
Cursing the lawyers and kicking the cat 
She goes downstairs to the limo, clutching her handkerchief 
Now for the letter she knows she must write 
How did it all turn to shite? 

   She's   (I'm just a working class lass ) 
   breaching   (Just a poor working class lass) 
   the Code   (What can you do when you've no old school tie?) 
   Hitting the road after breaching the Code in so many ways 

Starmer snorts as he wanders round in his dressing gown 
Picks up the letter the courier brought 
Standing in triumph; another great snort 
He laughs loud, and cries to Victoria 
“Whoopee! - our Angie's gone! 
How did she think she could have my job? 
Always just shooting her gob!” 

   She   (I did it all for the kids) 
   was breaching   (Nice flat in Hove for my kids) 
   the Code   (I wanted everything money could buy) 
   Tried to upload the establishment Code for so many years 

Sunday morning at nine o’clock she is back in Hove 
Making a call to her old comrade Jez 
Join his new party? - let's see what he says ... 

   She's   (What did I do that was wrong?) 
   no judgement!   (I didn’t know it was wrong) 
   None!   (Judgement's the one thing that money can't buy) 
   Couldn't explode the establishment Code after all those tears 
   Crushed by the Code   (bye bye) 

ND

Advising Starmer on Iran & the legal stuff

An interesting challenge for the Attorney General, one Richard, Baron Hermer - a controversial figure, one-time mate of Starmer's, but rumoured to be for the chop in the first Cabinet reshuffle.  But maybe not just yet ...

UPDATE:  see this, from Guido today.  But you read it here first.

Poor Starmer: so desperate to remain in the kneeling position with Trump, but, oh, the legalities of supporting unilateral bunker-busting.  As we know, Kier is so-o wedded to the international rules-based order of things.  Him a lawyer and all.

And if Trump never really wanted to have his second term characterised by US involvement in Middle Eastern 'forever wars', well, Starmer can hardly be ecstatic about following Blair into the politico-historical dustbin of history by rash association with the wild man of the White House.

So what will Hermer advise, and how "flexible" will he turn out to be.  Remember Blair & Goldsmith?   And the Blairite legacy.  That Iraq thing, eh?   And the big inquiry afterwards.  Wow, that seems a long time ago.   But then again, history rhymes ... (with the usual apologies to G&S)

When I was a lad I made it big
As fixer-in-chief in an Attorney's wig
I cleaned up scandals and I swept up sleaze
And I pandered to the wishes of the Big Big Cheese
(He pandered to the wishes of the Big Big Cheese)
I pandered to the wishes of the Power in the Land
And now I’m sitting here with his balls in my hand

As Attorney General I made such a mark
That he asked me to change my advice on Iraq
I quickly saw the error of my ways
And gave him what he wanted without delay
(He changed his advice without delay)
I told him he could do whatever he planned
So now I’m sitting here with his balls in my hand

Now lackeys all, whoever you may be,
If you want to rise to the top of the tree,
If your conscience isn't fettered by scruple or qualm,
Be guided by this rule and you’ll meet no harm.
(He is guided by this rule and he’s met no harm)
Keep your own head down during Custer’s Last Stand
And you may come away with his balls in your hand

ND

Welby: a man with no brain speaks ...

"Every day more cases were coming across the desk that had been in the past, hadn't been dealt with adequately, and this was just, it was another case - and yes I knew Smyth but it was absolutely overwhelming"    J Welby, 2025

There was an old woman

Who lived in a shoe

There were so many perverts

He didn’t know what to do

So he busied himself

With the wine and the bread

And let them off lightly

And went back to bed

ND

Polly Toynbee, True Believer: hope springs eternal?

The public career of Polly Toynbee is a continuous source of mirth.  How many socialist saviours has she hitched her wagon to, only to have her hopes crushed.  Owen, Blair, Brown, Patricia Hewitt (sic), ... and now Starmer/Reeves.  Always bearing the imprint of the last person to sit upon her / brief her confidentially over lunch.  But before the worm turns & the Great Disappointment strikes, whilst her wagon still hitched there's nothing she won't do by way of providing what she thinks of as helpful outrider support.  Here's the latest - in the Graun, as usual: 

The Waspi women suffered outrageous misogyny, but in poverty-stricken Britain they’re not the top priority. The government is right in its decision not to pay the women up to £10.5bn in compensation ... a government [does not] have a financial duty to repair historical sexism.

Polly: calm down!  Starmer & Reeves - just like your former beau Brown - don't mind lying & brazening these things out.  It just doesn't bother them!  They don't need your sophistry.  Haven't you spotted how they are leading you by the nose?  Here was you, Polly, back in July in that self-same Grauniad: 

Starmer will bin the two-child benefit cap and outdo New Labour on tackling poverty – I’ll bet on it. I will eat my hat – or several – if Keir Starmer and Rachel Reeves don’t soon find the money to bury the pernicious two-child benefit cap. In her first budget, expect Reeves to find the funds for this, and other public spending not yet announced... Some worry that Starmer and Reeves will be deterred by the campaign to force them to pay up, fearing it would signal their willingness to capitulate and splurge on everything else. I don’t think they’re that frit, with the markets and everyone that matters backing them. It would demonstrate surefooted self-confidence...

Any doubt about their good intent vanished with their creation of a new child poverty unit. ... Every Labour government always reduces poverty: this one will be no exception.  Expect no less from Starmer and Reeves, and probably more... And they will start by hurling the two-child benefit cap into the dustbin of atrocious Tory policies. 

Heart-rending stuff, eh?   Here's how her infatuation with Brown ended ...

ND

McSweeney the Knife is back in town!

We haven't had any doggerel for a bit** ...  

[with apologies to Louis Armstrong]

Oh the spads, babe, have such teeth, dear 

and they leak stuff to Fleet Street hacks 

Just a jack-knife has McSweeney 

and he sticks it in people’s backs 

Susie Grey now, makes big money 

Chief of Staff at Number Ten 

Money don’t impress McSweeney 

He just wants his desk again 

Angry spads say big bad Susie 

Is depriving them of cash 

Then the Beeb finds Susie’s pay-slip! 

Has our boy done something rash? 

On the air-waves, in Sunday papers 

Leaks a-plenty, causing strife 

Someone's briefing, to all and sundry 

Could that someone be Mack the Knife? 

Old Kier Starmer, he hates the aggro, (doncha know? doncha know?) 

He just wants a quiet life 

Gives the signal for the hit-job 

Call goes out for Mack the Knife ...

At Westminster, in cocktail lounges 

Spads are drinking fit to drown 

And the toast is  -   Bye-bye Susie! 

Now McSweeney is back in town!

ND

________________

**Excepting a good BTL effort from dearieme the other day

Frost In The Bleak Midwinter

 ... with the usual apologies 

 

 

In the bleak mid-winter 

Windy Frost made moan 

“Johnson’s cred is falling, 

Falling like a stone” 

Shropshire North had fallen, 

Polls were running low

 In the bleak midwinter 

Time to go 

How can we persuade him?

“Fall upon your sword!”

You have f*****d up mightily 

Right across the board. 

If you are a wise man, 

(“King of everything!”) 

Drink the hemlock now, man 

Do the decent thing

ND

Wind Your Neck In, Tony Blair

Blast from the past ...

We're hearing too much from that man.  Originally penned with Iraq in mind, but the song remains the same.  The usual apologies to Edward Lear. 

They went to war in a Sieve, they did, 

In a Sieve they went to war: 

In spite of all Hans Blix could say, 

At Bush’s command on that fateful day 

In a Sieve they went to war! 

But when no weapons were found in the place 

And everyone cried, “You have no case” 

Said Tony Blair “we’re trusting to luck” 

We don’t care a button! we don’t give a f***! 

In a Sieve we’ll go to war!’

Far and few, far and few, 

Are the scruples of Tony Blair; 

His lies are bold and he’s shameless too, 

And they went to war in a Sieve. 

They went to war in a Sieve, they did 

And totally unprepared 

With not enough armour for soldiers to don 

With too few choppers – the list it goes on 

But Blair, he never cared. 

And every one said, who saw them go, 

“O won’t they be soon undone, you know! 

For the list of shortcomings is terribly long, 

And happen what may, it’s extremely wrong 

To send our boys unprepared!”

Far and few, far and few, Are the scruples of Tony Blair… 

The casualty figures soon started to rise, 

The coffins they soon came in; 

So to cover their arses they lied and lied 

(No sign of remorse for the many who died) 

And they gave the order to spin! 

And they hunkered down at Number 10 

And they lied and they spun and they lied again 

"Though the charges against us be ever so long 

Yet we’ll never admit we were rash or wrong. 

While we have breath, we spin!”

Far and few, far and few, Are the scruples of Tony Blair …

 

ND

The Eton Lobbying Song

Jolly scapegoating weather
Lobbying is a breeze!
My Greensill chums are clever
I’m raking in serious fees
And I’ll do whatever -
Just whatever I jolly-well please!
You can call me whatever
But don’t call my lobbying ‘sleaze’ ...

I can accept without rancour
That Boris is PM (- how?!)
But I’m a tremendous banker
Kiss my arse and bow!
And I know you all secretly hanker
For the job I am doing now
So go and sling your anchor
If you're looking to stir up a row

Everyone fills their faces
As soon as they leave Whitehall  
Kicking over the traces
Revolving doors and all
With our contacts in high places
(I’m just giving Rishi a call)
Yes, Downing Street clout is a basis
For having an absolute ball!

Twenty years on, whoever
Writes up the history books
Will sully our names forever
As shameless, insatiable crooks
Yes our names are blackened forever
And they’re calling us merchants of sleaze
And we’ll all swing together
From the lamp-posts and from the trees !

ND

Theresa May, An Authoritative Voice (ahem) ...

Theresa May has lambasted Boris Johnson in Parliament for his choice of National Security Adviser.  He really ought to listen to her on this one ...

(Apologies to Bugsy Malone & the rest of gang) 

My name is Theresa 
Prime Minister once; 
Until hounded out by 
A right bunch of chumps! 
I have a simply stellar reputation behind me 
So if you need my wisdom 
In the Commons you’ll find me 

My name is Theresa
No failure am I - 
The Eurocrats loved me! 
(I never knew why) 
I know an awful lot about appointing advisers 
They must be liked in Brussels, 
And be good compromisers 

Lonely, a PM can be lonely 
Come and hear Theresa 
She can put you straight when you stray 
If you’re lonely, you don't have to be lonely 
When they talk about Theresa 
You know what they say … 
They praise me in the Lords, they praise me in the Commons 
“Theresa had her training from the great Olly Robbins!” 

My name is Theresa 
And soon I’ll be gone 
A trashed reputation’s 
The road I’ll travel on 
“Brexit means Brexit” - now the words upset me 
You may be glad I’m gone 
But don’t say you’ll forget me … 

Lonely ...

 ND

So, Farewell Mr Speaker ...

With apologies to Victor Hugo, Herbert Kretzmer and the entire case of Les Mis ...

Speaker of the House, preening little prick,
Has us almost hankering for Gorbals Mick
Cocky little Berc, nasty piece of work,
Turns a shade of purple as he goes berserk 
Shouting out his 'Order! Order!'
Making us endure his spouse
God knows how we’ve lasted, suffering this bastard in the House!

Bullying the staff, quite beyond the pale
Running up expenses on a monstrous scale
Quick to take affront, pompous little runt
Napoleonic complex and a lifelong chump
Always had his list of favourites –
Neutrality is up the creek
Sycophancy’s best so - grovel if you want to speak!

Cut a little slack, cut a little dash
Can’t control his missus when she’s on the lash
Cunning little brain, thinks he knows a bit
“Champion of Parliament” and lifelong shit
“Keeper of the constitution”-
Trying now to make us laugh?
Worst of all the Speakers, that’ll be his epitaph!

ND

She's Leaving Home

With apologies to Paul McCartney ...

[four bars of plaintive harp music]

Wednesday morning at twelve o’clock, PMQs begin 
Goes through the motions, feels weak at the knees 
Then to the Palace to hand in her keys … 
She goes downstairs to the limo, clutching her handkerchief 
Dabbing her eyes like old Thatcher’s ghost 
Stepping outside, she is toast 

   She (I gave it most of my life) 
   Is leaving (sacrificed most of my life) 
   Town (I tried so hard to look smart all the time) 
   She’s leaving town after dicking around for so many years 

Boris snorts as he wanders round in his dressing gown 
Picks up the letter the courier brought 
Standing in triumph; another great snort 
He laughs loud, and cries to his mistress 
“Carrie, Phil Hammond’s gone! 
Why did he stymie May’s No-Deal plan? 
What can be done with the man?” 

   She (I had no thoughts of my own) 
   Is leaving (never a thought of my own) 
   Town (I struggled hard to learn all of my lines) 
   She’s leaving town after dicking around for so many years 

Friday morning at nine o’clock she is history 
Hawking some diaries excusing her crimes 
Meeting a man from the Sunday Times 

   She (what did I do that was wrong?) 
   Is hist’ry (I didn’t know it was wrong) 
   Now (nothing achieved to remember me by!) 
   Somehow her stuff, it was never enough in so many ways 
   She’s hist’ry now (bye bye) 

ND

Singing & Dancing in Downing Street

Yes, it's that time of the political cycle. Bring on the dancing girls! With apologies to Warren & Dublin & 42nd Street 

     In the heart of old Westminster, you’ll find a Georgian mall 
     It’s the part of old Westminster that runs into Whitehall 
     A crazy pad that’s full of spads; if you’ve got a little time to spare, 
     I want to take you there ... 

See them tweet, “May’s in retreat!” 
Down the avenue I’m taking you to - 
Quitting Downing Street 

In defeat, she’s luncheon meat 
It’s the old No Deal that’s making ‘em squeal! 
In old Downing Street 

      Hunts and BoJos, and whips and journos, trading in deceit 
    DUP-ers and ERG-ers, plotting trick-or-treat 

Fratricide!   Undignified! 
Yes, the mad and bad are now the elite 
Circling Downing Street 

See her tears, it’s kinda sweet 
It’s a cul de sac, you gotta turn back 
That's old Downing Street!

ND

Polly Toynbee's Fallen In Love Again

...  and this time it's ... John McDonnell !

A highly entertaining compendium could be published of all her simpering articles in this vein over the decades.  Gordon Brown would feature several times of course; though she lost interest in that one years ago and now merely refers to him wistfully - in the McDonnell piece - as 'hapless'. **

These pieces are generally written after she's been flattered with a private lunch - you can easily tell.  I remember with fondness the fawning piece she wrote about Patricia Hewitt when the latter was Secretary of State at the DTI and had assured Polly-Wolly there'd be no more nukes.  "No new nuclear power plants!" gushed Toynbee.  That was just before the 2005 election of course.  The day after polling, Blair replaced her with Alan Johnson and told him to get right on with a new nuclear programme.

Polly, when will you ever learn?  They are all playing you for a sucker!  

ND

**  But does she know what 'hapless' means?  Most Gruaniad writers do not.

Postscript - blast from the past: here's what happened when Polly first fell out with Gordon ...

There’s a one-eyed yellow Scotsman of a dour and sullen hue
There’s a stench of pious bullshit all around
There’s a broken-heated woman dreams of socialism true
And the yellow Scot forever lets her down

He was known as Red McBroon, and he made the Party swoon
Though his cowardice had long begun to smell
But for all he was a wanker he was feted by the bankers
And Polly Toynbee smiled on him as well ...

Read on here ...

President Xi -1: Winnie the Pooh - 0

At it again, I'm afraid.  Well, it's the holidays - and the provocations keep coming ... (with apologies to AA Milne this time)

"China bans Winnie the Pooh film after comparisons to President Xi:
Memes likening Xi to the portly Pooh have become a vehicle in China to mock the country’s leader"

A man, however hard he tries
Grows tubby without exercise.
Our Paramount Leader’s rather fat
Which is not to be wondered at;
He gets what exercise he can
By toiling at his masterplan
Which, though important work for him
Leaves little time to use the gym

Now tubbiness is just the thing
Which gets a fellow wondering;
And our man Xi is most distressed
To think he’s mocked in jibe and jest.
He thought: “if I put out the word
(and what I say is always heard)
I’ll put a stop to all that stuff -
The world will see I’m really tough!”

The censors jumped at his command;
Tigger and Pooh were swiftly banned.
And Eeyore too: all swept away –
We cannot have lèse majesté.
And all the world can see at length
That banning thing’s a sign of strength!

ND                                                                                             © 2018  

Macron to May: "Be My Guest !"

So Mrs May has ventured into Château Macron.  I think we know what she walked into ... (with apologies to Disney)

*   *   *   *   *

Ma chère Thérèse, it is with the greatest pleasure that we welcome you tonight. And now we invite you to sit up straight, listen carefully, just have a little look at this document you’re going to sign … as the federasts proudly present – your stuffing!

Be my guest, Manu’s guest 
Put our *friendship* to the test 
Tie this noose around your neck, cherie, and dance at our behest 
40 billion? Not enough! 
Why, we only live to stuff 
Read clause 20, it’s a stonker 
Don't believe me? Ask old Juncker!

Market access? - not a chance 
After all, Miss, this is France 
And it’s preordained you’ll come off second best 
Go on - unfold your menu 
Just take a glance and then you'll 
Be depressed – suicidally depressed

On the floor, as you kneel, 
Start to beg, start to squeal 
We'll prepare and serve with flair 
An horrific exit deal 
You're alone, and you're scared 
But your fate is all prepared 
That is Selmayr you hear laughing 
As he contemplates your shafting

We tell jokes, slap our thighs 
We can scarce believe our eyes 
As we watch you in your Whitehall vipers’ nest 
You will have to bend right over 
If we’re not to blockade Dover - 
Just do what Olly tells you, he knows best!

We all guessed your request 
Would leave Europe unimpressed 
From Madrid to Rome and Paris, 
From Berlin to Budapest -
“She’ll want trade, she’ll want terms 
But it’s just a can of worms” 
While we’re giving her a shoeing 
Back in Britain trouble’s brewing

Getting warm, getting hot 
Heaven's sakes! She’s in a spot - 
Much more, she’ll have a cardiac arrest!
We've still got a lot to do,
In the coming day or two 
She’s hard-pressed, she’s distressed
Her red lines are just a jest -
She’s my guest, she's my guest, she's my guest!

Be my guest, be my guest! 
Were you hoping for beau geste? 
When you meekly signed the Hinkley deal 
You’d clearly failed the test 
You’d no cool, you’d no verve 
You had plainly lost your nerve 
Martin’s really just a sweetie - 
Let him help you with this treaty

Clause by clause, one by one 
'Til you shout, “Enough, I'm done” 
But there’ll be no ducking out, or break for rest 
Only after you’ve been beat up 
Will we let you put your feet up 
Don’t protest - be my guest, be my guest!

ND                                                                                        ©  2018

Murdoch on Maneouvres - Again

Since our subversive old friend Guido Fawkes became a wholly-owned subsidiary of NewsCorp (or whichever it is of Murdoch's vehicles), Order-Order has become a reliable one-stop shop for picking up on whatever is Rupe's latest diktat to all his organs.  Fawkes, you see, is nothing if not loyal to his masters overseas (yes, the parallels with 1605 are all there), and so there are compliant links to Times, Sun and Sky etc whenever a new 'line-to-take' is being promulgated by the proprietor.

www.cityunslicker.co.uk/2016/07/the-genius-that-is-gove.html

And Rupert is nothing if not the owner of a fan of Michael Gove.   Right now it's pretty clear the word has gone out: Gove for PM !   Even Trevor Kavanagh in the Sun, who clearly resents being given these instructions, is dutifully puffing Rupe's man, for pity's sake.  Still, if the alternative is Amber Rudd (who has apparently raised a veritable war-chest and instructed Lynton Crosby to manage her own leadership campaign) we aren't exactly spoiled for Aussie-promoted choice.  Why is it always Australians - whose own domestic politics are such an utter shambles - who come over here sticking their fingers in everything?


Flashback 2011 (for fans of the doggerel) - to a time when Rupe was dodging serious controversy, seeking once again to restructure his empire, and furiously wooing the Chinese ... (the usual apologies, this time to Cole Porter)

Who wants to spend a year in gaol ? 
Who wants their bid for Sky to fail ? 
Who wants the bother of a big public fuss ? 
A big public fuss is no good for us ! 
Who wants bad headlines ev’ry day ? 
When Chinese markets are in play ? 
Who wants shame and opprobrium too ? 
And I don’t, cos all I want is Hu 

Who wants the wretched BBC ? 
Who wants his stuff online for free ? 
Who wants to burden Fox with neutrality ? 
What, neutrality ? that’s no use to me ! 
Who wants to bother with the facts ? 
Who wants to pay out any tax ? 
Who cares for human rights, or for Liu ? 
And I don’t, cos all I want is Hu

ND

Blast from the Past: Polly Toynbee vs Gordon Brown

Toynbee vs Brown, round 12!  Both in the Red corner.   What a love-hate relationship, eh?

This time she's having a go at his new book.  "The sadness is that even 10 years later Brown’s old flaws and resentments remain perfectly intact.  Couldn’t he have restrained himself from expressing his loathing for Blair?"   She's a fine one to talk! - never tires of slagging off Blair, as a cursory search will establish.   

But back to the main theme: her bitter disappointment, firstly when Brown supported the war in Iraq, and again when she discovered paradise had not returned to earth in 2007.  "The real test surely came with his arrival in No 10.  I was among many hoping for a radical shift that never came. Those around him expecting a new blueprint found there was none."

Well, her grasp on facts was never great; but she got that one right.  And if we're dusting all this old stuff down again ... with apologies to Mad Carew:

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

There’s a one-eyed yellow Scotsman of a dour and sullen hue
There’s a stench of pious bullshit all around
There’s a broken-hearted woman dreams of socialism true
And the yellow Scot forever lets her down

He was known as Red McBroon, and he made the Party swoon
Though his cowardice had long begun to smell
But for all he was a wanker he was feted by the bankers
And Polly Toynbee smiled on him as well

He’d been stringing her along with his socialism strong
She’d swallowed all he put into her head
When she judged Blair’s time was short, she said Broon had her support
Provided he would prove himself True Red

He wrote to ask what promise she would like from Red McBroon
They met for lunch as many times before
And fervently she told him then that nothing else would do
But his vote against Blair’s mad Iraqi war

On the night of the debate, Red McBroon was in a state,
His followers could bring mad Tony down
But he’d never in his life had the balls to wield the knife
For he knew the wielder never wears the crown

When it came to the division, courage gave way to ambition
And his scruples failed as surely as his balls
When she heard them read the vote, fury welled up in her throat
And ‘betrayal!’ was her cry around the halls

Now Hell it hath no fury like a jilted Polly Toynbee
First Blair and now McBroon had sold his soul
As she stomped off in the night, for her op-ed piece to write
She vowed vengeance on the yellow Scots arsehole

There’s a one-eyed yellow Scotsman of a dour and sullen hue
There’s a stench of pious bullshit all around
There’s a broken-hearted woman dreams of socialism true
And the yellow Scot forever lets her down.

Nick Drew 2007

The Scruples of Tony Blair

They went to war in a Sieve, they did, 
In a Sieve they went to war: 
In spite of all Hans Blix could say, 
At Bush’s command on that fateful day 
In a Sieve they went to war! 
But when no weapons were found in the place 
And every one cried, “You have no case” 
Said Tony Blair “we’re trusting to luck
We don’t care a button! we don’t give a f***! 
In a Sieve we’ll go to war!”

Far and few, far and few, 
Are the scruples of Tony Blair; 
His lies are bold and he’s shameless too, 
And they went to war in a Sieve. 

They went to war in a Sieve, they did 
And totally unprepared 
With not enough armour for soldiers to don 
With too few choppers – the list it goes on 
But Blair, he never cared. 
And everyone said, who saw them go, 
“O won’t they be soon undone, you know! 
For the list of shortcomings is terribly long, 
And happen what may, it’s extremely wrong 
To send our boys unprepared!” 

Far and few, far and few, are the scruples of Tony Blair... 

The casualty figures soon started to rise, 
The coffins they soon came in; 
So to cover their arses they lied and lied 
(No sign of remorse for the many who died) 
And they gave the order to spin! 
And they hunkered down at Number 10 
And they lied and they spun and they lied again 
"Though the charges against us be ever so long 
Yet we’ll never admit we were rash or wrong. 
While we have breath, we spin!” 

Far and few, far and few, are the scruples of Tony Blair ...

(with apologies to Lear)

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