The Telegraph helpfully recalls the Mumsnet biscuit choices of politicians from the last several years. Proof, indeed, that some of our leaders are not actually descendants of species which evolved on this green Earth.
Andy Burnham: "I don't have a sweet tooth and don't eat biscuits. But give me a beer and chips and gravy any day?"
Jezza Corbyn: Didn't answer.
Gordon Brown: Didn't answer, several times. His spinners let it be known 24 hours later that he likes anything with a bit of chocolate.
Nige: Didn't answer.
Liz Kendall: "I'm more into savoury snacks. Currently popcorn."
Who the hell are these people? Look, I realise that some people try to eat healthily. No doubt spinners everywhere try to hook the constant-dieter vote. Clearly what Alex Salmond intended when he responded with "I’m on the 5:2 diet, but Jim Walker’s plain chocolate ginger shortbread".
But to not know instantly what your favourite bloomin' biscuit is?
I read somewhere that a successful man should always be able to instinctively respond to the question of what he drinks. I have to disagree with that; sometimes a G&T suits, other times a beer, and these days it is entirely acceptable to drink wine in public houses. Thus Nick Clegg's triangulation policy of "Rich Tea if dunked. Hob Nobs if not" is actually acceptable.
One of the recurrent themes in Borgen, the Danish drama (highly recommended), is the volume of coffee the characters drink, and the plates of pastries provided at political meetings. Are we seriously supposed to accept that Prime Minister David Cameron hosted the coalition's "quad" discussions over tea and "oatcakes with butter and cheese"?? Ridiculous.
Hey, they could even make it up if they were trying even remotely to look human. How likely is it that they would be found out if they lied? Might a disgruntled bag-carrier or coup-plotter reveal to the world that actually Cam can't keep his grubby fingers away from the Marylands?
Maybe we made a huge mistake not putting Ed Bacon Sandwich Miliband into No. 10. He was asked on two separate occasions, and both times he stated "Jaffa Cake". Human, after all.